Kids dad hasn't really bothered the last few months, didn't see the kids for Father's Day, let down a couple of weekends (contact has dwindled to one overnight a fortnight) avoiding maintenance to the point he now owes £7k in arrears (meant to be just shy of £100 a week for 4 kids) csa finally deducted from his wage and after 2 months of payments quit his job. Ive only now just got payments but I expect this will stop again. He an GF have a very on and off relationship to the point last year she had him arrested - he also told me at this time she didn't want the kids at the house and resented them etc. they are back together. Also health concerns DS is diabetic and does no insulin at all when he is at dads (I'm having problems at home too but I'm on his case watching him and reminding him)
DS despite always actively avoiding staying (other 3 would stay and he would ask to come home or stay at a friends) is now saying he wants to live there full time. I am concerned because of the above reasons - there is also no space for him - he would be sleeping on a sofa full time.
I am upset to say the least and feel like dad is pushing it as a last ditch attempt to be difficult and mess things up financially for me. DS is very easily influenced by him.
Speaking to DS his reasons are that I have been on at him a lot (about tidying up after himself and his diabetes - which I have and have got cross at times also but he just doesn't listen and I do have to nag he is in a difficult thinks he knows best phase, but of trouble at school) also that dad wants to see him more and he implied that dad is blaming me for lack of time with them (which I am not at all I would happily do 50/50 to have a break I am run ragged)
I am happy for him to live at dads if that's what he really wants but ideally I want his dad to speak to me about it first properly, I would like that he at least has a bed (I have said happy he stays weekends no bed but weekdays/school times he needs a proper bed he can't sleep on a sofa full time)
I also really want his dad to step up with the other three kids he has and have them more than once a fortnight for a day (he's now requesting to stop all overnights) as I feel he's favouring eldest (which he always has done) and it's unfair and will cause resentment and how do I explain that eldest can see dad whenever but they can't?
Really in an ideal world he need to just generally have them all more I feel, he's only presenting to son as it's all or nothing no inbetween.
Son is 14 so I don't think I can stop him if I wanted to I am just worried for his welfare and the fairness on the other children.
There are 3 kids already at the ex house which is why space is a problem.