What does success look like to you?

[Aquestioningmind]

Inspired by people thinking £65K isn’t much money…what does ‘success’ look like to you? Below is what I consider to be ‘successful’. So, AIBU? If so, why?

30: Own a house, mortgaged, or at least significantly saving towards one (either alone or in a couple). A career that they either love (even if it doesn’t pay well) and makes them really happy, or one that pays a decent amount of money. Able to have ‘treats’ when they want to but not necessarily living a really luxurious life.

65/retirement age: Paid off mortgage or v. close to paying it off. Decent savings for retirement. Able to support any children as needed (I.e helping them with small loans - we’re not talking ‘£400K house deposit’)

Would also be interested to know what other people consider ‘success’ to be at those ages!

Happy healthy kids. A roof over my head. The odd bit of extra cash to spend on treats for the family.

I used to be the very same think that money was the bee all and end all... But after having my kids my view has changed completely. The money is a bonus but I'm rich in ways I would never have imagined for myself when I was younger. I have an amazing DH and 2xDS both pre school age. They are where my happiness lies. Not a pay check. Any job can pay you a wage.

Find your humans. Do all the things that matter and make memories.

I’m surprised no-one has mentioned Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and in particular self-actualisation, which comes after physical needs and security needs etc have been met and could be described as ‘the icing on the cake’.
Self-actualisation is “the complete realisation of one’s potential, and the full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life.”
For me it’s writing a novel.

I was going to put Maslow in my reply, @ElfineHawkMonitor, then realised it's complicated for me! My triangle's a bit sieve-like. The only time it's been complete(ish) was during the best part of my career - which, luckily, was also the longest part. And, yes, I was earning really good money.

If anybody's done a Maslow variant allowing for chronic illness, social isolation & being State dependent ... umm, I probably don't want to see it 😏

Success is professional success for me. Not so bothered by money. I want to keep writing good books and selling them. Wouldn’t say no to a prize.

Success for me = contentment

Success plus = contentment plus a thirst and opportunity to further learn/explore/ develop.

I'm not successful yet, but getting there!

Success is conceiving of and working towards worthwhile things. A lot of basic people think that competing for certain jobs and using the money to buy property is the pinnacle of this, a lot of them don't even make good use of the property once they own it. Truly successful people are the ones that add real value to the world. They make good friends and do great things bith big and small.

I agree with success relating to being happy and content. I was the ‘best’ at my job, within my company, for years. I still technically am, but I’m not enjoying it at all. I lost some enthusiasm after my first child and it’s all gone now after my second. I don’t want to be stressed and tired when I get home to them, I want to look forward to seeing them, spending an hour or two with them and enjoying my evening with my partner. So at the moment, I don’t feel successful. Earning more won’t make me feel successful, but getting a better balance certainly will.

Success - if I died tomorrow ( hope not 😮) Ive had a really really good and interesting life and I regret none of it.
Produced two fine hard working lads to be proud of.
One beautiful grandson.

I have no idea....early 40s....mortgage almost paid off, over £1million in equity, lots of savings and investments. No worries about retirement.

in the most boring god awful job that I hate and have been looking for jobs for almost a year. Although as I type this - it’s not the job, it’s the place and the people....

personally - very unfulfilled, no kids (not by choice).

feel very unsuccessful, as am one of the poorest people I know, I think if I was happy at work I wouldn’t feel that.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has stood the test of time, but has been criticised for being too Western-centric with priorities ordered according to the culture and values of privilege and capitalism.

The assumption that to reach your full potential you have to have achieved the other layers of the model. That rules out self actualisation for those who don't have those lower privileges. It makes the Perfect, the Enemy of the Good, instead of which there needs to support structures in place to help people become tuned into their goals even when their lives are not 100% (or anywhere near) perfect.

Success to me would be being able to walk a mile in your forties. Good health is the most successful you can be, anything is possible.

Well said.

Spoiler alert: success means different things to different people.

It’s ok to have material goals and it’s ok to have different goals. Different people have different concepts of what means they have ‘made it’.

Why is everyone so keen to bash someone who feels like success is linked to reaching monetary/material targets? Perhaps because these people haven’t been able to hit those goals themselves…. Just some food for thought!

I can't put an age on it as my life is still a work in progress and will be till I die.
However if at the final reckoning I've had more happiness than misery and my existence has made a positive difference, then my life will have been a success.
Which might sound cheesy and missing the point, but at 54 I've reached the realisation that for me, there is very little correlation between what I'm achieving materially and my enjoyment of life or the value my life brings to the world.

Agree with pp, but would go further and say that when your goals are material, you can lose them at any time.

Success for me is a son who is pursuing his dreams with a confidence I never had.

It's being able to walk on the beach every morning and evening.

It's having an ex-husband and his wife who are two of my favourite people in the world.

It's being unafraid to change my life any time I don't like it.

It's having cats to settle on me whenever I'm in shavasana.

It's having been homeless, and thus understanding that money doesn't bring you the security that knowing you can survive destitution does.

I'm late 50s, have my own house, will be paying the mortgage until I am 70, will need to work til I die and will not resent having to do it. By my own reckoning I'm a success - but fully recognise there are others who will be pitying me, just as I pity them.

I wouldn’t factor owning a house into being successful. Many people are successful without owning a home. The government only take a load of tax from it when you die, or sell it off to pay your care home fees.

Owning a home may also prevent you from being eligible for financial assistance when you need it when you’re old.

The rich get rich and the poor get poorer, that’s all the government care about

Being happy with your lot,having decent health,friends,family and perhaps a partner. No significant money worries

Working as little as possible while still being self sufficient. To me time is our most precious and valuable asset, and we are often asked to sell it far too cheaply.