What does success look like to you?

[Aquestioningmind]

Inspired by people thinking £65K isn’t much money…what does ‘success’ look like to you? Below is what I consider to be ‘successful’. So, AIBU? If so, why?

30: Own a house, mortgaged, or at least significantly saving towards one (either alone or in a couple). A career that they either love (even if it doesn’t pay well) and makes them really happy, or one that pays a decent amount of money. Able to have ‘treats’ when they want to but not necessarily living a really luxurious life.

65/retirement age: Paid off mortgage or v. close to paying it off. Decent savings for retirement. Able to support any children as needed (I.e helping them with small loans - we’re not talking ‘£400K house deposit’)

Would also be interested to know what other people consider ‘success’ to be at those ages!

Having people that you care about and that care for you, a decent amount of friends, ones you could call if having a problem, experiences and a loving partnership if that’s what you want.

When older being financially secure with decent housing and being able to retire by preferably 55 and definitely by 60 but with enough money to actually be able do stuff you want.

It’s a mixture of relationships and money. I’m not all Polly Anna about life, my family were not well off and it was rubbish being one of the poor kids at school. My best thing is being a happily married and no money can buy that but I’m glad I am well off. Will both be retired by 57 at the latest and will then be travelling round the world for a couple of years. Plus we will be able to be bank of Mum and Dad.

When I was late 20's I was in the midst of what I now look back on as my depression era. Certainly not a financial depression because back then I had more money than what I knew what to do with, but most definitely a depression mentally and emotionally due to a really rough time from bereavement.

I often think back to one particular evening during this depression when I opened the window of my then apartment which looked over onto a large grassy field and stuck my head out the window, and I can still recall just how beautifully peaceful it was...

I wanted to enjoy it fully - but I just couldn't. The simplest of things to just take and enjoy and it should not have needed any effort, but I just really couldn't quite get there.

It was strange... a bit like a eureka moment where I knew that to really be able to immerse oneself into a peaceful moment and have that be absolutely enough, even just temporarily, where in that moment you've really found a sense of complete peace, you've sort of 'made it' in life. But how to get to that point! Because it was as though something so simple, should be so easily accessible but yet it really wasn't. Frustrating as hell to be honest with you!

It took me over 20 years to be able to access that deep sense of peace and bliss from sticking my head out the window whatever the weather, going for a walk in nature (whatever the weather), and to just generally be able to pull out this feeling of blissful contentment almost at will simply by stopping, and being still for a moment, and it's just as wonderful each time as what I sensed it really could be all those years ago. It's funny isn't it, the things you remember.

As trite as it may sound, it honestly wasn't money, a fancy home, the perfect husband or a fantastic job that got me there, and some of those things I tried and they all fell short - those things ironically often come at a price (or heavy compromise) in some way or another, which perhaps in some part explains why they were never quite fulfilling. And there's always the risk of losing those things.

I'm sorry for what most likely sounds like an awfully trite or cheesy answer, but this honestly is what success means to me at age 30, age 65, everything inbetween and beyond. It's taken a lot of work though.

My maths is atrocious. It's taken me over 10 years that should have said!

We've had money at times and not had money at times.
It was definitely easier having more money but either did not alter my state of happiness.
Success is in your relationships. Without good relationships all seems pointless

Success to me is achieving something I might not have been sure I'd be able to. I don't understand it as a state (Fred is successful) but more the sort of "blimey, I did it!" moment on completing some project or task - a fleeting thing.

To "live successfully" is probably something like feeling serene, contented and comfortable for most of your life. As long as your basic needs are met, I imagine this is more of an attitude than a set of circumstances.

I wouldn't say I meet either my own criterion or other people's. It's okay, though.

to just generally be able to pull out this feeling of blissful contentment almost at will simply by stopping, and being still for a moment, and it's just as wonderful each time

This is really lovely.

To be secure and not having to fear losing my home. So far so good (am renting in a retirement village now). Never had a decently paid job in my life, unfortunately, but I do have a reasonable amount of super I can now get at without being slugged for tax, should I have to. I just hope I don't have to look for work once my mother dies or goes into a nursing home - the (Australian) carer pension and her age pension are enough for us to live on comfortably, but the dole won't even pay the rent, and I have seven years before I get the age pension. Success will be being free of money worries. Never happened to me yet.

Both of your scenarios here are, to me, basic and bang average positions to be in, just exactly the same as most other people, on the same treadmill pursuing the same goals, enduring the same old grind. Absolutely nothing different, spectacular or successful about any of it.

Success to me is a combination of time, money, health, happiness and peace.
this varies between people.

some people are happy spending an hour with friends and family, others would want a whole week. Same goes for money - someone would be able to live a good life on £10k/year vs. Someone on £65million may be the loneliness person alive. I would want to have the health to spend time and make memories and also not live a stressful life and spread kindness where possible.

Surely having a reasonable amount of money (whether it's £25K or £65K is relative) is crucial for success, because it gives you choice, you don't need to worry about how your bills will be paid (we all have those!) and that element of stress that is a hallmark of poverty can be eliminated. Saying "it's all about money" like it's a bad thing, is very misguided and unrealistic.

success to me means being comfortable in my own skin, because that too gives you freedom. You can go out into the world, interact, enjoy rich and rewarding relationships and aren't at the mercy of other people's opinions. I get respect from standing my ground. It recently dawned on me that nowadays I really don't give a shit what people think about me. That's not to say I'm ever offensive, harsh or unpleasant to people, quite the reverse, but the big difference to me is that I'm no longer held to ransom by the expectations of others.

If I can't do something I say I can't, and don't dread how whether people like or accept that, or try to change my mind, it's a statement of fact, sub-text "I'm sorry I can't drive 150 miles to meet you at the drop of a hat, because I can't get the time off work because you've only just told me you're coming over on holiday when you must have been planning it for a month." Unreasonable requests that I used to bend over backwards and tie myself in knots to accommodate, nowadays I am resolved not to be put upon.

That to me is success!

Success is to be healthy , contented and worry free .

The original post talks of life plans , I think a lot of people have those in their early twenties. But life gets in the way of plans . If you want to make god laugh tell him your plans . It's good to have goals but not entitlement because if you do you are going to be sorely disappointed as life is not always fair or predictable.

Totally agree!

Being content with what you have, and not having money worries - which isn't the same thing as being wealthy.
If you're content with what you have, don't suffer envy of others and can afford to replace the boiler without stress, buy a holiday if you want one and enjoy a few treats in life - that's success to me.

Success is when you live your life as you want and happy with it. In many eyes I am completely failure…single mum in new build without career . I look at it differently, came to London in my 20’s with 50£ in my pocket, saved enough on my own for a house deposit that I can keep warm in the winter, running my own business that allows me to be 24/7 around my kids, no debt apart of mortgage, holidays every year and lots of exiting things happening though the year. I don’t need to prove my 100k plus salary and buy expensive house that I can’t afford to heat in winter…People that are successful in many eyes don’t live successfully for me…the pressure of needing to prove to the outside world their success is not for me. I couldn’t be happy in a property worth over 1.5 mln and walking around the house in the coat in winter or pay the credit cards through the year because I went on vacation for 2 weeks. I live simple life but happy with it and don’t desire to prove anything to anyone!

Absolutely agree with the setting of boundaries as we get older. I no longer just do things because of the expectations of others. It’s liberating to just simply say no and that in itself is success.
All I was saying is that in the original post the idea of success leaned very heavily towards money. Yes it is nice to have enough money, of course it is, but the OP made herself sound a bit soulless x

Genuinely interested in the answer - is there anyone who earns little , struggle to put food on the table, who is happy and content?

The way I see whilst money can't guarantee happiness, you can't be happy without money

Happiness and freedom.

I get there's an on paper version of success but for me the two above are all that matters.

This. Just this. Let go of achieving material successes by certain ages. Life is about appreciating the experiences not the gains.

According to your example, I am a “successful 30ish”. Own our home, husband has a good job with good wage (enough for me to be VERY part time). Four kids, no debt, couple of holidays.

I saw my sixth form tutor at the weekend, he said it was good to hear from “normal happy people” he taught, rather than only ever hearing success stories from musicians, sports people etc etc. That was nice and reminded me it’s everyday life that’s the key to being happy = successful.

Does anybody actually step back and say their life is a success? Life and the living of it is constant change. The most 'successful' will still be sitting on their yacht and at some point be worrying about the death of a loved one etc. None of us can cheat death nor can cheat losing the people we love. Success suggests it has been done/completed so only on your deathbed can you say 'well that was a success' but by that point the words are pretty meaningless.

Financial success to me would be never having to worry about money, and having enough of a cushion to pass on that freedom to my kids. I currently earn £65k, with my husband’s work (he is mostly sahd) some additional income from air b n b and freelance projects bringing our household income to around £80/90k before tax. Living in a not so nice part of London our rent is still £1600 pcm on a 2 bed flat. I do own a small property with a small mortgage elsewhere in the country from before I met my partner. I keep that on as an asset because dh and I are Londoners and want to be here but could never afford to buy a family home on our income. With two kids there is little left to save outside of my rural property and I often find myself in overdraft and wondering if we can afford some purchases. We would be fucked if a big expense such as roof repairs came out of the blue. We do manage holidays abroad but are lucky because DH has family who have a Villa we stay at for massively reduced rate. So with £65k wage I would say I am doing ok, certainly I have some career success and am on an above average salary for my age and career type (only a handful of people in my line of work makes over £100k anywhere in the country) - but am certainly not at point where I don’t worry about money or where I feel confident I can leave my kids with financial security. Perhaps if I moved out of London it would be different - but we were born and raised here and leaving behind family and social networks would be painful and sad.

For me at 45: having built a new home that is off grid in terms of water/drainage, and power/ heating. Keep our current property to put in a trust for our kids. Have a veg and fruit garden, plant an orchard and keep chickens.

All this with hopefully a small mortgage.

At 55: mortgage free, hopefully able to go part time and dedicate the other part time to a business of our own and hopefully retire at 60.

I also define success in terms of happiness.

I am happy with enough money to comfortably afford my bills (with wriggle room for the recent price hikes in everything recently); a decently sized house with garden in a quiet cul-de-sac location close to the beach; my son (aged 2) is healthy and happy; my relationship with my partner is good and stress-free; I have enough money left over each month to save (some for holidays/house, some for child's future, some for retirement); I work part-time 9-5.30 as does my partner in one of the nicest places I've ever worked with good benefits, and I've recently responded well to new medication for a chronic condition I have.

Overall I feel successful as I have achieved a situation which is relaxed and happy.

I could achieve more in terms of academic accolades, promotions and pay. I am certainly capable. However, I feel that doing so would compromise on the other great things I have achieved, like free time, health, peace, my relationship etc.

Admittedly, a lot of my 'success' has greatly benefitted from money. I couldn't have the house I do without money. I couldn't have had the treatment I had without paying privately to see a consultant. I couldn't afford to work part-time if I hadn't chosen the degree and career I did. So I think finances are a significant part of what I deem 'success'. I agree with the OP that 60-65k is a successful amount as that's the amount we earn collectively and has allowed us to achieve the above.

I think this is a pretty good definition of success.

What is Success?

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson