What does success look like to you?

[Aquestioningmind]

Inspired by people thinking £65K isn’t much money…what does ‘success’ look like to you? Below is what I consider to be ‘successful’. So, AIBU? If so, why?

30: Own a house, mortgaged, or at least significantly saving towards one (either alone or in a couple). A career that they either love (even if it doesn’t pay well) and makes them really happy, or one that pays a decent amount of money. Able to have ‘treats’ when they want to but not necessarily living a really luxurious life.

65/retirement age: Paid off mortgage or v. close to paying it off. Decent savings for retirement. Able to support any children as needed (I.e helping them with small loans - we’re not talking ‘£400K house deposit’)

Would also be interested to know what other people consider ‘success’ to be at those ages!

This.

The less my income and expenditure relies on servicing debt or providing labour to an employer, the happier I am.

Attributing arbitrary financial milestones to ages is a fool's game. It will massively depend on a bunch of other parameters as to whether those are true measures of success.

For example being "mortgage free" at 65 could be great if you have lovely house you like living in but not so great if you live in an absolute shithole because you never moved when you were younger. Having a mortgage in and of itself isn't a bad thing unless you can't afford it or you are in negative equity or lose your job.

Success for me is:

Financial independence (not having to rely on either a man or the state for money)
A job I enjoy which pays me enough to support myself and is at least moderately interesting
A happy and fulfilled child
Enough friends to feel supported
Good health

I am lucky enough that most of the time I can tick most of these boxes and that's good enough for me.

My DD's class had to write a speech in primary school. DD chose the topic of success and the teacher really liked it so she got to read it out in assembly. I cant remember all of it (she is at uni now!) but i recall that it started as follows (this is the jist of it anyway):

"Success means different things to different people. To Jessica Ennis, it means winning another Olympic gold medal. To my uncle [John] it means learning to walk again after a serious illness.."

And i think that is about right - different people have their own measure of success. For me, I do to some extent equate success with academic achievement and financial comfort. But i think that is because I tie a lot of my own happiness to that - i was lucky enough to be "clever" and got into Oxford from a working class background. That it turn led to a good job which led to a great job which i really enjoy (most of the time!), pays well and keeps me stimulated and challenged after many years in the job. I met my DH through mutual friends from Oxford and we have been happily (most of the time!) married for more than 20 years with 2 fantastic DC. My closest friends are people who i met at university. We have a lovely house and don't have the money worries that my parents had growing up. I do have a long term health condition, but again the money helps with managing that. Also, the people i know who seem most unhappy have money worries.

However, i appreciate that a lot of people would not enjoy aspects of my life (my job is very full on and not for everyone) and some would probably view my health condition as more of a downer than I (currently) do. I also know people with very happy lives (defined on their own terms - not always money/marriage/children) and/or who are very successful in their chosen field but without being high earners. Of course, they are all successful and it is really for everyone to determine their own measure of success.

I find "success" to have so many different definitions that it's a bit of a pointless word to describe anyone as successful.

For some people success could mean earning 6 figures, or fame and fortune, for someone with health issues, success might be just making it out of bed and into the shower! Or someone from a disadvantaged background passing their exams.

Plenty of so called successful people have been very unhappy. Sadly some have even felt they couldn't go on. Nothing they acheieved made them any happier.

With your examples, life chances and luck play into that. It's not all about "hard work" and therefore is it even success? If your parents gifted you a house deposit, and/or you were lucky enough to meet a good partner to buy a place with, and you had the opportunity/support to get a good education, then the things you list at 30 are easily achieved. For other people it might not be so easy. Does that mean they're unsuccessful? Or just not as lucky?

Success in life has nothing to do with how much money you have.

Depends on age.
At age 4, success is... not peeing in your pants
At age 12, success is... having friends
At age 17, success is... having a driver's licence
At age 20, success is... having sex
At age 35, success is... having money
At age 45, success is... having money
At age 65, success is... having sex
At age 75, success is... having a driver's licence
At age 80, success is... still having living friends
At age 85, success is... not peeing in your pants

Seriously, it's an interesting discussion. I've had times where I have been affluent, times when I haven't been. Times when I've been single, times when I have been attached. I am very fortunate to have a lovely circle of friends, but my biggest success was finding the love of my life, my wife.

This used to be me too - because that is how my father measured success and it was kind of ground into me

i try really hard not to see it this way now but sometimes it creeps in which really fucks with me as i feel like I don’t want to measure it in that way

It's subjective of course and I agree with most previous posts even though they say different things! To me on a material level it's a happy relationship, a home you enjoy coming back to, enough money to live comfortably, healthy children.

And funnily enough I was just thinking this morning about how much I used to “value” material possessions when I was younger and wondered whether you just change as you get older.

im almost 45 now and the only thing we spend on is our house. We drive old cars, don’t have the “latest” phones, rarely buy clothes (other than for the DC) but have spent a lot on our house (and about to spend more extending/renovating as it’s needed) - but we love being at home and cooking for people in our home, so we’ve prioritised.

but there was a good thread the other day about what you’ve cut back on in retirement as someone was retirement planning and it was so interesting to see that people basically say the older you get the less you need/want as I am already finding that is the case at 44

My children are happy and healthy, intelligent and are on their way to "doing well"

We live in a 5 bedroom detached house, have 6 figure savings and don't have to worry about money at all. We holiday regularly, I'm a size 8.. I have a good work/life balance. I look from the outside like I have it all. Husband is nice too. Parents still alive.

Am I happy in myself? No

What would make me happy? No idea

I live my life solely for my children, and thankfully they keep me busy enough that I don't have much time to ruminate

Stable job, stable kids and home, happy relationship (if you have one)
A Father who earns £22k a year who puts food on the table and takes care of his family to the absolute best of his abilities is worth more then a rich deadbeat. Same goes for mothers.

You’re not happy because you’re always searching for more since money is obviously no object. Sometimes the pursuit of happiness and the buzz from finally ‘making it’ feels better then the end result.

I really like the loop between 4 and 85!

it seems like, despite what people say re. Salaries on mumsnet, most people consider success to be outside of financial terms which is v. Refreshing

for me its not money as a measure but freedom.

Freedom to live where I want, do what I want each day, travel where I want, work when I want

35- earning £50k a year, own main house out right and have a mortgage on a buy to let
1 x happy and healthy 3 year old
1 x happy husband (married 4 years)
Success looks like: Want one more child, one more house (or at least enough for a good deposit for 2nd child)
Retired happy, healthy and happily married still at 60ish with enough money to help kids with what they need (hence having already bought a 2nd home)....

Success for me is feeling fulfilled; interesting job, nice colleagues, own home that I enjoy, good relationship, nice kids, money to do things like holidays, a few nights out with friends.

It’s rare that every one of those areas is totally good for me at any one time but the older I’m getting the closer to that I am. Whatever I have I always want a little more in terms of money / work / house but I’m trying to get out of that way of thinking.

Happy and healthy family.

But, healthy lifestyles are easier when you have lots of cash. E.g. organic food, a house near clean air and safe jobs, stress-free environment, hobbies/sports, lack of over-crowding, healthcare, medication and dentistry etc. The list goes on!

So yeah, we need £100k+ to achieve this.

I think it’s a bit unfair for some pp to look down on people having financial goals as a measure of success. It’s a personal thing.

I for example wouldn't class being married with a child meaning I have succeeded as it’s not what I value in my life. That doesn’t mean it isn’t right for others and that’s obviously fine.

my measure of success for now (31) is to have a well paid job that I enjoy which funds my lifestyle, bought my own house independently and not need to depend on others financially. I have achieved this and I am very proud of where I have got to.

the next measure of my life in terms of success would be to get to a point where I can do the above but cut my hours down to part time to be able enjoy my life prior to retirement.

i don’t think measuring success financially is automatically fickle or anything just a means to whatever end you want.

Exactly. When I was young, it was all money, but as I've got older, I've realised it's nothing to do with money. Of course, money to some degree is essential, but it's amazing how much one can do without. Happiness is not a future event after all. So many of us think "if only xx happened, then I'd be happy", but it's so easy to compare up when there are so many who are worse off.

I think the key is optimising for your worst days to be really not so bad.

That’s my theory. So far, so good.

I was going to say that for me it was escaping a life of sitting at a desk in the same building for most of the days in each year. But the above is also a big one. I'm happy being an average earner at £45k to be able to life a pretty much stress free life. When I walk out of work I don't give it a second thought or worry about tomorrow.

Love this

I don’t think it’s success you’re talking about. it’s money.
being successful is achieving something you’re proud of - normally it has very little to do with money

But if we’re on this track, if I never have to think about how to afford the things I want, then I’m successful

I think people are being v disingenuous in their comments. Of course a standard of financial success is required to enable all the other 'more worthy' markers of success!
I work & I bloody well want to be well paid for doing so!
The money I earn allows me to pay for travel, a nice house, nice food etc

Happy, safe and content