Page 17 | To make new mum life easier?

Animallover87 · 2023-07-17T15:08:27+00:00

Due my first baby next month. I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier. For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff. Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen. Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning. Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

LimePi · 19/07/2023 11:53

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 09:57

No deliveroo here but I live a 5 minute walk from a decent sized supermarket!

In this case stock up indeed or get regular deliveries from supermarket scheduled, there is no such thing as quick walk to a supermarket with a baby, it all takes much longer especially post C section.

Original poster

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 12:09

@LimePi surely me or DH can go solo whilst the other has the baby? Seems extreme to get food delivered when it's a 5 min walk or 1 min drive?

OP posts:

MariaVT65 · 19/07/2023 12:18

LimePi · 19/07/2023 00:59

You seem to be passionate about vaginal birth in particular rather than about information in general.
i just recently had a consultation about VBAC and elective C section and was told about risks of both. What makes you think women aren’t told?

Show quote history

I was also thinking that post was interesting as I just had my consultation and was given the risks of a c section but not a vbac!

Scirocco · 19/07/2023 12:22

Jollyatricfirsttimer · 19/07/2023 08:53

The nuby uv steriliser is my best baby purchase it makes making bottles so much easier https://uk.nuby.com/products/3-minute-uv-steriliser good luck, the first couple of months are a shit show but it does get better. Xx

Oh yes! This is the steriliser we used - brilliant! (I still use it to sterilise things now).

LimePi · 19/07/2023 12:43

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 12:09

@LimePi surely me or DH can go solo whilst the other has the baby? Seems extreme to get food delivered when it's a 5 min walk or 1 min drive?

Well if you had a C section in the first couple of weeks you’ll need your DH help to even sit up/change position when you sit down and hold a baby, put baby in a cot/change them. Because it’s painful and you shouldn’t strain your scar. Im choosing c section (again) but you should know that it is indeed really painful and limiting in the first two weeks. So even 10 min nip out to shops for your DH may not be feasible because youll be stuck. Sure he’ll be able to go but best to minimise it.

you yourself won’t be able to drive for few weeks and will walk much slower, plus just getting baby out it a major faff until you get the hang of it. You need to dress yourself (it will be slow as you are recovering), get stuff for baby, they always seem to cry, get hungry or need a nappy change when you are just about to leave etc etc

it will get easier as you’ll feel physically better and will get more skillful at all this, but keep in mind that its much more complicated to get out of the house for years to come

my recipe for sanity was to have everything delivered. I literally went ti the shops only if I wanted to browse.
And not go anywhere where I really needed to be on time, for first couple of years 🤣
also make sure you have grab bags ready for you / baby so its easier to get out rather than pack everything every time

Confusion101 · 19/07/2023 12:46

Actually I second what @LimePi is saying. Even just the first few deliveries or else stock up. I have just remembered the first time my OH went to do a food shop and left me on my own and I cried when he was leaving. He had to ring my mother to come into me! 😅 And I recovered very quick after my birth, it wasn't physical pain, it was just pure hormones all over the place.

BadNomad · 19/07/2023 13:02

DH can take the baby to the shop with him then. I'm sure the OP can survive 10 mins of peace and quiet.

Babyboomtastic · 19/07/2023 13:19

LimePi · 19/07/2023 12:43

Well if you had a C section in the first couple of weeks you’ll need your DH help to even sit up/change position when you sit down and hold a baby, put baby in a cot/change them. Because it’s painful and you shouldn’t strain your scar. Im choosing c section (again) but you should know that it is indeed really painful and limiting in the first two weeks. So even 10 min nip out to shops for your DH may not be feasible because youll be stuck. Sure he’ll be able to go but best to minimise it.

you yourself won’t be able to drive for few weeks and will walk much slower, plus just getting baby out it a major faff until you get the hang of it. You need to dress yourself (it will be slow as you are recovering), get stuff for baby, they always seem to cry, get hungry or need a nappy change when you are just about to leave etc etc

it will get easier as you’ll feel physically better and will get more skillful at all this, but keep in mind that its much more complicated to get out of the house for years to come

my recipe for sanity was to have everything delivered. I literally went ti the shops only if I wanted to browse.
And not go anywhere where I really needed to be on time, for first couple of years 🤣
also make sure you have grab bags ready for you / baby so its easier to get out rather than pack everything every time

Show quote history

That's total scaremongering and worst case scenario for recovery.

For me anyway,

Help sitting: useful but not essential for the first 24hrs
Picking up baby from cot: with some difficulty for 24hrs then fine
Nip out to the shops: with husband day 4, without maybe a week as wasn't needed before.
Driving: didn't drive then but could have easily by a week.
Stairs: fine by the time i came home after 48hrs.

By day 3 I was able to make breakfast for toddler with baby in the sling, then go out for lunch, shopping etc. All painlessly.

Mine were very good recoveries (despite being old, fat and unfit). Average is probably somewhere between the two.

LimePi · 19/07/2023 13:29

Babyboomtastic · 19/07/2023 13:19

That's total scaremongering and worst case scenario for recovery.

For me anyway,

Help sitting: useful but not essential for the first 24hrs
Picking up baby from cot: with some difficulty for 24hrs then fine
Nip out to the shops: with husband day 4, without maybe a week as wasn't needed before.
Driving: didn't drive then but could have easily by a week.
Stairs: fine by the time i came home after 48hrs.

By day 3 I was able to make breakfast for toddler with baby in the sling, then go out for lunch, shopping etc. All painlessly.

Mine were very good recoveries (despite being old, fat and unfit). Average is probably somewhere between the two.

Show quote history

This is not scaremongering- I recovered very quickly (it was a planned C section) and I am planning to do a second C section in August. so this should tell you something. It is just a reality.

If people want to recover quickly and have no infection/complications they should not strain the scar or their abdominal muscles in the first couple of weeks.

Original poster

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 13:35

@Babyboomtastic I find a lot of people try and scaremonger about c sections. Yet make out VB is a walk in the park. I know either birth can go either way but the women I know who have had planned C sections have had a recovery similar to yours and my friends who have had VB have described it as a total shitshow and some still haven't fully recovered even a few years later.

It's a gamble whatever you pick 🤷 I'm going into it slim and fit but mid thirties so geriatric 😂

OP posts:

Sugargliderwombat · 19/07/2023 13:39

trulyunruly01 · 19/07/2023 10:16

I think the best advice I can give you (from here, many decades after my experiences of mum to newborns) is to pack a wee hospital bag and lie on the sofa till you get pains in your tummy. From then on, go with the flow 🤣. You're on a ride that you (and nobody else) has ever and will ever ride on.
But - you could maximise your freezer space and buy in some right nice freezer meals. Get a delivery of tinned and dry stuff as a few tins of soup in the cupboard and some par-baked baguettes can be a lifesaver at times. Don't forget a few sweet treats, some ice lollies and ice creams.
As follow on to my first para - don't be surprised by and don't resist the impulse to breast feed. Them babies are masters at getting their own way.
The birth will be what it is. Nice that your midwife says just get to the hospital and they'll wheel you straight in for your section but a whole team of people are needed, a theatre needs to be vacant, recovery space available. Just go with the flow.
And don't be surprised if that cot moves to your side of the bed pronto. You are going to experience rushes of emotion and feelings like you never imagined. Again go with the flow.
Whatever you do you'll be doing your best. Baby, you, husband, environment, everybody and everything else in that order.

Just feeding my baby and this made me cry 🤣. What an emotional mess I am! Really great advice, dont make yourself rules before your baby is even here x

LimePi · 19/07/2023 13:41

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 13:35

@Babyboomtastic I find a lot of people try and scaremonger about c sections. Yet make out VB is a walk in the park. I know either birth can go either way but the women I know who have had planned C sections have had a recovery similar to yours and my friends who have had VB have described it as a total shitshow and some still haven't fully recovered even a few years later.

It's a gamble whatever you pick 🤷 I'm going into it slim and fit but mid thirties so geriatric 😂

I am not scaremongering about C section - as I said I had a planned first one and planning a second one.
But if you did your research you should know that it is indeed longer recovery as compared to VB with no complications, and certain things will be more painful as compared to any VB, its silly to pretend otherwise. The thing is you are not guaranteed easy VB with no complications; but with C section you are guaranteed a scar and major abdominal op. If you never had a major abdominal op, you don’t have anything to compare it with. I had one (appendix removal, before laparoscopy) and C section was actually much easier, but still I knew what I was signing up for and wasn’t flippant about the pain of the scar and movement in the first few days.

Verbena17 · 19/07/2023 13:42

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 12:09

@LimePi surely me or DH can go solo whilst the other has the baby? Seems extreme to get food delivered when it's a 5 min walk or 1 min drive?

You will have to check with your insurance company as to when you’re legally allowed to drive after a section. Unless it’s ch aged, usually it’s after your 6 week check.

Verbena17 · 19/07/2023 13:47

Scratch my last reply ……

Efacsen · 19/07/2023 14:06

Verbena17 · 19/07/2023 13:47

Scratch my last reply ……

The key skill in returning to driving after abdominal surgery is being able to successfully perform an emergency stop

Otherwise you aren't safe on the road

Springbaby2023 · 19/07/2023 14:09

Animallover87 · 19/07/2023 10:38

@5555L I have a joie swing type thing 🙂

Definitely consider a bouncer as well. We have a Joie swing seat but you can’t move it around nowhere near as easily as a bouncer (and it’s more reclined) so we ended up with a bouncer too. Really handy to pop him in while cooking or going to the loo etc

Babyboomtastic · 19/07/2023 14:17

LimePi · 19/07/2023 13:41

I am not scaremongering about C section - as I said I had a planned first one and planning a second one.
But if you did your research you should know that it is indeed longer recovery as compared to VB with no complications, and certain things will be more painful as compared to any VB, its silly to pretend otherwise. The thing is you are not guaranteed easy VB with no complications; but with C section you are guaranteed a scar and major abdominal op. If you never had a major abdominal op, you don’t have anything to compare it with. I had one (appendix removal, before laparoscopy) and C section was actually much easier, but still I knew what I was signing up for and wasn’t flippant about the pain of the scar and movement in the first few days.

Show quote history

Virtually everyone I know who had a vaginal birth had a longer recovery time than I did with my section. Most had significant injuries to recover from. I think the stats for FTM tearing is something like 90%.

On average, women who have elective sections stay in hospital for half a day longer than that with vaginal births. That's it. And if you take into account labour time, they are likely in hospital for less time overall.

Springbaby2023 · 19/07/2023 14:17

LimePi · 19/07/2023 12:43

Well if you had a C section in the first couple of weeks you’ll need your DH help to even sit up/change position when you sit down and hold a baby, put baby in a cot/change them. Because it’s painful and you shouldn’t strain your scar. Im choosing c section (again) but you should know that it is indeed really painful and limiting in the first two weeks. So even 10 min nip out to shops for your DH may not be feasible because youll be stuck. Sure he’ll be able to go but best to minimise it.

you yourself won’t be able to drive for few weeks and will walk much slower, plus just getting baby out it a major faff until you get the hang of it. You need to dress yourself (it will be slow as you are recovering), get stuff for baby, they always seem to cry, get hungry or need a nappy change when you are just about to leave etc etc

it will get easier as you’ll feel physically better and will get more skillful at all this, but keep in mind that its much more complicated to get out of the house for years to come

my recipe for sanity was to have everything delivered. I literally went ti the shops only if I wanted to browse.
And not go anywhere where I really needed to be on time, for first couple of years 🤣
also make sure you have grab bags ready for you / baby so its easier to get out rather than pack everything every time

Show quote history

This sounds like a normal c section recovery for me. Worst thing was reading posts of people who could drive after a week, baby wear after three days etc and compare myself to them and wonder why I was still struggling with stairs for example. By all means you may be lucky and get a great recovery but it’s better to prepare for a more realistic one then you’re not disappointed or frustrated in yourself.

Better to arrange for food deliveries and not need them than assume you’ll be fine and then need to plan last minute. To be honest we’re 11 weeks in with DC2 and deliveries are still brilliant because for the sake of a couple of quid why would I choose to trek round the supermarket when I could be doing something fun with baby or just resting.

Ditto arranging extra help for housework etc for a few weeks. Sure you might be up to hoovering three days after you’ve been discharged. But you might not be for seven - eight weeks. Best to arrange help you then no longer need than struggle through yourself and put your recovery at risk.

The absolute worst thing you can do after a c section is push yourself t do too much to soon. Yes staying active is vital. But if you overdo it you can really put yourself back and it’s not worth it. There is no race, you don’t get a medal for being driving after three weeks instead of six weeks. Your only priority should be your baby and you.

TheOrigRights · 19/07/2023 14:34

Virtually everyone I know who had a vaginal birth had a longer recovery time than I did with my section. Most had significant injuries to recover from. I think the stats for FTM tearing is something like 90%.

I don't think that reflects the UK as a whole, it's your anecdotal evidence (which doesn't invalidate it of course).

I think it is unusual that most of the people you know who had vaginal births had significant injuries.

My own anecdotal evidence is that me and my 3 sisters have had 11 vaginal births, some needing some intervention, and a few stitches but a quick recovery. Same for one of my SILs (3 births).

Among my peers most have had vaginal births, some of course with some birth trauma and a few with longer term issues.

Lalalalala555 · 19/07/2023 14:45

Plan out a food delivery order to come to your address, and have it reorder itself weekly. Tescos I know does this :)

rattles and music help alot with baby!

stock up on nappies and then toiletries like deo and shampoo so you're sorted

my friend had people stay with her for a week at a time as support

or ask guests to bring food or do some housework if they ask if they can help :)

You may be lucky that you have people that care about you and will want to help!

remember to get sunshine, food, exercise even a 2 min walk, be kind to yourself :)

Sigmama · 19/07/2023 14:59

Breast feeding much easier than making bottles

Circe7 · 19/07/2023 15:00

@TheOrigRights
Tearing doesn’t always prevent you doing things though. I tore with both my births, the second time quite severely plus I had a ventouse delivery but I was still looking after a newborn and toddler on my own three hours later. By the next day I could drive to nursery and go on a walk. It wasn’t particularly painful and healed well. No way I could have done that with a c-section. Obviously everyone’s experience is different though.

OP I think this thread could get you really worried about how hard it is. Sometimes it’s very hard having a newborn due to health issues or pnd or just having a fussy baby. And chances are it will be tiring and you’ll have bad days. But it’s not always that hard, particularly when you’ve only got the one and you’ve got a supportive partner. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t be able to eat or shower or why someone couldn’t go to the shop unless something goes wrong at the birth. It can be really lovely having a baby too! My first fed well and slept a lot for the first few weeks and if I wanted to go out he went in the sling.

LimePi · 19/07/2023 15:10

Babyboomtastic · 19/07/2023 14:17

Virtually everyone I know who had a vaginal birth had a longer recovery time than I did with my section. Most had significant injuries to recover from. I think the stats for FTM tearing is something like 90%.

On average, women who have elective sections stay in hospital for half a day longer than that with vaginal births. That's it. And if you take into account labour time, they are likely in hospital for less time overall.

Show quote history

I was talking about VB with NO COMPICATIONS. VB with no complications is easier recovery than C section but noone is guaranteed it. Seriously, reading comprehension here…

StormShadow · 19/07/2023 15:14

Neither DH nor I could be arsed with the shops after either DC was born. Both complex births, worse than the average ELCS, so you may fare a bit better. But the delivery suggestion isn't a bad one.

Babyboomtastic · 19/07/2023 15:18

LimePi · 19/07/2023 15:10

I was talking about VB with NO COMPICATIONS. VB with no complications is easier recovery than C section but noone is guaranteed it. Seriously, reading comprehension here…

Show quote history

Fair enough, the approximate 7%* of women who want to have a first vaginal birth, who achieve that AND it has zero complications.

Its not just 'not guaranteed', it's actually pretty unlikely.

*Approximate figure taking into account the emergency section rate and 90% tearing. Some of those will be very minor, but given I haven't accounted for haemorrhages, or other complications if childbirth I reckon my figure is about right.