To make new mum life easier?

[Animallover87]

Due my first baby next month.

I know it'll be a huge life change and I'm keen to try and protect my mental health as far as possible by taking steps to make life a bit easier.

For example, I'm not going to try and breastfeed. I've bought a prep machine and was considering just using ready made formula for out and about to avoid faff.

Having a planned c section which most people seem to recover fairly quickly from and allows me to feel a bit more in control of what's going to happen.

Next 2 me on my DHs side of the bed so he can do the lifting baby etc during the night if I'm struggling with movement after c section at the beginning.

Any other tips, even if unpopular, to make life easier for myself as a first time mum?

"I am not very underweight, btw. I am perfectly in proportion"

6 stone at 5 foot is a BMI of 16.4
I believe that is very underweight.

Not necessarily, a lot of midwives and consultants actually don't give women the run down of c-section risks and a lot of women who end up with these life changing injuries after c-section are rightfully quite angry at not being told. It often happens when women are deciding between a VBAC and a repeat c-section, often they get told about all the risks of VBAC, but then are not told of the greater risks of repeat c-sections.

I absolutely would not take it for granted that they have gone or will go through the risks of both VB & ELCS with OP, and given that she's already made her decision and is seemingly unaware of the life changing risks that come with c-sections, it appears she hasn't been informed.

Now, I'm certainly not advocating one birthing method over the other, I've had both a c-section and a vaginal birth, and I do understand the different reasons why some opt for one over the other. I do however have issues with women not being able to make informed decisions, which certainly appears to be the case here. I've devoted a decade of my life advocating for better maternity care in the UK by attending countless meetings with the NHS and helping inform women with unbiased facts, to help them make informed decisions. I'm very passionate about it!

You seem to be passionate about vaginal birth in particular rather than about information in general.
i just recently had a consultation about VBAC and elective C section and was told about risks of both. What makes you think women aren’t told?

I just want to agree with everyone saying that formula feeding is not easier than BF. I desperately wanted to BF but my milk never properly came in, probably for various reasons (jaundiced, sleepy baby, possibly hormone issues as my mum and grandmother never managed it despite trying). I got a lactation consultant, pumped etc etc, but it never worked, and after one month baby was still 10% under birth weight so we had to start on formula. Feeding once every 3 hours, cleaning and sterilising bottles, making them up to the right temperature etc etc. I literally got no sleep at all, and was so jealous of my baby group friends who all BF with a lot less faff, and especially without having to get up (and downstairs) several times in the middle of the night.

As for CS being easier to recover from, you're joking, right? No driving for 6 weeks, no lifting anything heavier than your baby (and to start with you have to be careful even with that). Etc etc. Whereas after a natural birth you're up and about within hours and pretty much back to normal within days (apart from the obvious of course, but that too heals pretty quickly).

I'm sure you've researched c sections in detail, but the best advice I had was to get out of bed asap, and to take the paracetamol and ibuprofen exactly on time, even if you feel no pain. Only take the codeine when you get home if you need it as it causes constipation. The worst thing about recovery was constipation with (TMI alert) clay-like stools a few days after the section. Prune juice, lots of water and lactulose helped.

Stock up on essentials if you can so you feel organised for the first few weeks. Muslin cloths, wipes, formula ect. Also I found that you can never have too many vests and babygrows. The amount of times my youngest has leaked, we've gone through 4 babygrows a day at one point and washing constantly will be the last thing on your mind. Someone said further up something about ' everyone fed, no one's dead' and it's so true. Don't try to be a superhero, I did and it wasn't the best idea. Good luck and I hope everything goes amazing ❤️

Also definitely sleep when the baby does, for the first few months anyway as the lack of sleep is probably going to hit you the hardest at this point (from my experience anyway)

Look up in advance how to deal with cleaning sick/wee/pooh from a sofa. Not fun looking it up after an accident and finding you don't have the right products in.

It's not a shot of cold water, @ivykaty44 , it's a 'shot' of boiling water that then gets topped up.

Using heat to eradicate bacteria requires a sufficiently high temperature to be maintained for a sufficiently long period of time. A small volume of hot water, containing a (comparatively) high volume of powder, is going to cool quickly to start with. Then, once the cold water is added, the temperature of the formula drops quickly (within a few seconds) to below a level that would effectively kill sufficient numbers of the relevant species of bacteria to ensure safety.

Formula powder can contain a number of species of bacteria, such as Cronobacter. While the majority of such bacteria would be killed, the levels of surviving bacteria are still detectable and therefore present a risk.

Virtually every health board and trust recommend not using prep machines that use the 'hot shot' method and this is one of the main reasons. Some people swear by their prep machines, and it's entirely up to people to make their own choices about the risk:benefit ratios, just like in so many aspects of surviving parenting, but it is worthwhile being aware of best practice guidance when making decisions.

@Whalesong I found my elective section much easier to recover from, for a number of physical and psychological reasons. I was up and about as soon as the anaesthetic wore off, up and down stairs, etc. The only things I couldn't do for a few weeks were driving (waited until 6 weeks as advised, but still got out the house every day) and jogging. Different people recover from things in different ways.

As others have said, bottle feeding is not necessarily easier. I did mixed feeding with no 2 using premade formula bottles only, and I much preferred to BF, only used the formula every other evening to give my husband a chance to feed the baby.
Some tips I found actually made my life easier:

1. don't try to force a routine, if you are not a person who thrives on it - my babies just started to have a natural routine just before they turned 1 year old. Before that, I found it much easier to just follow the cues, whilst watching wake windows.
2. bathing - mine weren't fans in the early months, I bathed my second one only 2-3 times per week (I topped and tailed him every evening) and it was a quick process, used the angelcare bath seat
3. don't bother with baby sensory or other stimulation stuff, unless you really enjoy it. Your face is your baby's favourite object to look at.
4. clothes - mine mostly wore babygrows with a Zip (I love Bond's Wondersuit - can be bought cheaply off Vinted) until they started to crawl. No need for other outfits apart from short sleeved vests in hot weather (or just a nappy).

Bottle feeding is way more hassle, more expensive and less ease than Breast. And breast fed babies don’t need burping/less discomfort so easier to resettle and everyone gets back to sleep faster. Also baby more likely to be healthier if breast fed if you’re looking for ‘ease’.

I totally get the fear of losing one’s mental health in the post partum fug so this genuinely comes from compassion and no judgement- but some of your suggestions sound like ways to possibly increase stress and a feeling of disconnect from your baby. They all sound like ways to push the baby away from you - even having her sleeping away from you etc. I’d suggest leaning in to the baby and the experience could be the most positive thing for your well being - you’ll likely feel much more of a bond if you have them close to you and don’t view those basic things as a threat to your mental health .

@ReadingSoManyThreads

for goodness sake not everyone wants a vaginal birth!

stop patronising women and assuming that they can’t do their own research

women are entitled to make the choice for themselves - get over it!

I wanted to say this too, because I did exactly this.

I thought the impact of baby was something I could 'protect' myself from. The idea of the disruption and unpredictability, sleeplessness, not just being me and my husband anymore - all just filled me with dread, and I desperately wanted this baby!

I have an amazing husband and very supportive family and I was shell shocked by motherhood.

I felt disconnected from baby (I think I was a bit scared of him), I was too frazzled to work through the initial breastfeeding issues and ended up FF which I still feel awful about.

We got on a routine from very early on, which actually turned out well in the end, but I was too stressed about it in the early weeks and ended up having a complete meltdown at 6 weeks because I had been fighting my maternal instinct like it was going to kill me, rather than help me.

I had to radically rethink my whole approach then and everything got a bit easier.

I could say so much more, but basically you can't run from it, you have to lean in.

Sorry but your information is wrong and highly insulting. The hot shot is dispensed at 70 degrees Celsius, you know the exact same temperature they say to let the kettle reduce back to if you are making a bottle! This will kill bacteria! (vast majority of bacteria are mesohpilles and only like max of 45 degrees Celsius so yes pouring water heated to 70 degrees onto them will kill them!!). It is an absolutely disgusting comment to make that we are risking our babies lives for convenience!

I know it’s not always possible but my husband and I would pull shifts for the night time. So I would go to sleep from 8pm - 11pm then he would bring the baby in to me and I would have him 11pm - 7am and he would then sometimes have the baby 7-9am so i could get some more sleep. It did mean separate bedrooms for 6 months but it didn’t affect our relationship at all and it actually helped us get on better as we had both had some sleep.

Try and make sure you have a shower / bath every day. This can make you feel so much better.
I also found the expert midwife products really nice for post birth. Especially the bath salts.

My very organised friend is due DC3 in early 2024, she has a notepad in the kitchen for things she often has to nip out for - obvious things like bread and milk but others such as batteries and washing up liquid. She has been making sure she has at least 2 of each 'in stock' at all times, I thought this was a genius idea.

She has a fabric caddy for her and baby during feeding/naps with all of the essentials plus anything she may need if she gets stuck under a sleeping baby, she even bought a universal remote after she was once stuck under DC2 (terrible sleeper) for a few hours and couldn't get up to get the remote and turn off the nursery rhymes DVD

She has also bought all birthday (and Christmas!) cards for the foreseeable future and put money in them ready, again genius!

You are making it up, there isn't the data to back up your scaremongering.

As above pp state the water goes in at 70 degrees, the same temp needed to kill the bacteria. The water is then shaken so it kills the bacteria in that measure of powder - then the cold water shot is poured into the bottle.

If there was date out there rest assured it would be on these threads - but there isn't and its why there are no links. Nothing to do with spoon feeding, you can't find it any more than I can

They’re not recommended by the NHS or the FSE because they’re not as safe as making up the bottle in the approved way.

The risk is low, but it’s still higher than it would be using the full amount of hot water from a kettle. It’s a risk/benefit decision, the same as lots of other things.

I had an ELCS (for a breech baby though, not fully elective) and it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. I had 2.5 weeks with DP, but then he had to go back to work and we managed OK. My mum came over for the first few days but only for a few hours so we were alone for most of the day. Just try not to rush, is my main bit of advice! And yes, pre-made formula is much easier. You might still have to warm it though, DD wouldn’t drink anything (including expressed milk) at room temperature.

Fabric caddy aside, the other 2 suggestions are excellent for life w/o a baby as well, though I hope you mean 'immediate future' rather than 'foreseeable future' otherwise she must have a barn full of cards!

I’ve had 2 sections, 1 semi-elected and 1 EMCS and the EMCS was actually the one I recovered best from. It all depends on the doctor you have on the day unfortunately! Generally though, no bending or stretching but do make sure you move little and often, lying in bed all day will slow down recovery, take laxatives and keep on top of the painkillers even if you think you don’t need them. 2nd time round I was walking up and down the stairs without much difficulty within 5 days and driving within two weeks (my insurance company have no restrictions).

I formula fed my first and exclusively breastfed my 2nd. MAM self sterilising bottles are the best in my opinion as you don’t have the faff of a steriliser. There’s nothing quite like the convenience of breastfeeding though especially if your child ends up having a dairy allergy which both my boys did and is surprisingly common in newborns. This threw ready made formula out of the equation as there’s no dairy free alternative so with my 2nd it was complete faff getting out and about as I had to carry a flask of hot water with me, multiple bottles, formula and then wait for it all to cool down.

Theres always going to be adjustment, you really don’t know what type of temperament baby you’re going to have until they’re here or what issues might happen like reflux, allergies, colic symptoms etc

My last recommendation is get the bub seen by a cranial osteopath within a week of the birth. C-sections are quite rough on a baby’s neck and can cause all kinds of issues and discomfort.

I'm a scientist by profession - I'm curious about research.
I did not bottle feed and have no knowledge of prep machines, but I want to find out myself what's what.

So far I have only done a quick Google - this has led me to this NHS site which states "There are a number of infant formula preparation machines on the market. There are problems with these devices that can lead to your baby becoming seriously unwell."

I am now going to try and find the research which backs up this statement. It's from May 2023 so up to date.

@TheOrigRights yes immediate future not foreseeable, while she is organised I think she draws the line at opening her own branch of Clinton's

..and this statement from statement from the East Lancashire Hospitals Trust
This is from Nov 2016 so quite a few years old.

Interesting points : Whilst research into the safety and efficacy of the Perfect PrepTM Machine has been carried out by the manufacturer, this is not currently in the public domain and the manufacturer has declined to release it for business competition reasons

"At present the Food Standards Agency would still advocate the use of our Best Practice Guidance, to use cooled, boiled water at >70C to make up infant formula’"

"First Steps Nutrition Trust therefore believes that there remains insufficient evidence that these machines are safe in the preparation of powdered infant formula, and recommend that families and carers use cooled, boiled water at >70oC to make up powdered infant formula, as recommended by the Food Standards Agency and the Department of Health."

I can't find any more research at the moment.

My own personal decision would be not to use these machines until peer-reviewed research is available.