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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A woman has just come up and said…

176 replies

Needhelp1000 · 17/07/2023 13:23

I’m currently in Spain and I’m a bit sunburnt from my first day here.
its now the secone day and a woman has just come up to me (on a local tour guide trip) and said how awful I look with sunburn. I’m upset about the comment.

AIBU?? A friend said no but I did comment to woman she didn’t need to be so rude.

OP posts:
BelindaBears · 17/07/2023 14:34

You’re not properly covered up if she could see the sunburn. Sounds a bit rude of her but you’re giving it far too much headspace.

ThatFraggle · 17/07/2023 14:36

She's probably been on the sauce since breakfast and lost her filter.

You know sunburn doesn't look nice. She shouldn't have said it, but you just need to get on with it now.

Canthave2manycats · 17/07/2023 14:36

If this is the worst thing you ever have to worry about, you will live long and die happy.

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. She was only speaking the truth?!

AiryFlyingFairy · 17/07/2023 14:44

She was rude and odd. I would be upset too at such personal comment from a stranger but she's definitely been the unreasonable one!
I had someone come up to me in the supermarket. Tapped me on the shoulder just to tell me the hem of my jeans was folded. I thought that was strange & it had just slightly folded up. I wasn't even bothered. I just automatically said "Oh right. Thanks" But was puzzled she'd even noticed, never mind stopping to tell me.

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/07/2023 14:49

It might be more in the way people say “you look awful” in the sense of “you look like you must feel awful” rather than “you look like shit.”

I agree that it’s tactless and rude but I suspect she was trying in a very gauche way to show sympathy.

As others have said though if it’s that bad it shouldn’t be visible at all.

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 17/07/2023 14:50

of course she was rude. all these fans of people 'only speaking the truth' wouldn't be such fans of honesty if a stranger pointed out a flaw in their appearance.

'your acne looks awful'
'your fat thighs look awful'
'your thread veins look awful'
'that's an ugly dress you're wearing'

No need to make random negative comments to a stranger. ffs.

readbooksdrinktea · 17/07/2023 14:51

The was rude to say it, but sunburn looks awful and is dangerous.

readbooksdrinktea · 17/07/2023 14:51

*She was

FFSwhatisthis · 17/07/2023 14:52

Needhelp1000 · 17/07/2023 13:47

It’s covered up, it’s just the shoulders 😂

@Needhelp1000

well, clearly it's NOT covered up or she wouldn't have commented.

she was rude to say you look awful.

was she Spanish/English/other?

maybe she though it might put you off doing something so stupid again?!

Darkdiamond · 17/07/2023 14:53

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 17/07/2023 14:50

of course she was rude. all these fans of people 'only speaking the truth' wouldn't be such fans of honesty if a stranger pointed out a flaw in their appearance.

'your acne looks awful'
'your fat thighs look awful'
'your thread veins look awful'
'that's an ugly dress you're wearing'

No need to make random negative comments to a stranger. ffs.

My mother in law is a real 'I tell it like it is' type. I've often felt tempted to see how she likes being told 'how it is' too 🤔

DrSbaitso · 17/07/2023 14:55

Darkdiamond · 17/07/2023 14:53

My mother in law is a real 'I tell it like it is' type. I've often felt tempted to see how she likes being told 'how it is' too 🤔

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Do it. Never met one who could take it.

EmmaPaella · 17/07/2023 14:56

She was 100% rude OP. I’d be upset too.

Bearpawk · 17/07/2023 14:57

Yes she sounds rude. It probably does look awful but no need to say it out loud.
You should probably be more worried that you've massively increased your risk of skin cancer than some rando being a bitch though.

EmmaPaella · 17/07/2023 14:57

Green777 · 17/07/2023 14:23

Honestly it’s so bizarre, the pile on to the OP!

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Agree. People can’t be upset about anything without it being their fault on MN.

frumpalertt · 17/07/2023 15:03

Definitely rude.

Was she British or Spanish? Friends who are from southern Europe always comment on sunburn, I think it could be a cultural thing because they have a habit of staying well out of the sun and avoiding getting burned. In May I had coffee with a friend outside and forgot suncream, ending up quite badly burned on one arm. My Portugese friend grabbed it in horror and said "Oh my god, this is so bad! It looks awful!" She was genuinely concerned for me, not intending to be hurtful or rude. I think they see British people sitting out sunbathing and think we are a bit more laissez-faire than we should be with the dangers of it all (you can't blame them when you see how some tourists act I guess). I'm not minimising how rude it was if the speaker in your case was British, just offering this up as a kind of experience I've had in case she wasn't! I don't want you to feel hurt if this wasn't meant to be hurtful. If it was, then happy to sit back and call the woman a bitch on your behalf!

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 17/07/2023 15:05

Darkdiamond · 17/07/2023 14:53

My mother in law is a real 'I tell it like it is' type. I've often felt tempted to see how she likes being told 'how it is' too 🤔

Show quote history

The 'I pride myself on calling a spade a spade' brigade are a pain in the arse. Like it takes some kind of special gift to be an insensitive clot!

Give it back to her with both barrels one day. Leave her gaping like a goldfish.

LoisPrice · 17/07/2023 15:06

you could have replied that at least your sunburn will fade, whereas she'll always be a bitch

Original poster
Needhelp1000 · 17/07/2023 15:09

This was the first time ever with a bikini as I’ve always always always felt so self conscious about my body so yes I understand I’m taking it a bit too far but there was no concern at all in her voice - it was to say how awful I looked without any empathy in her voice.

she was a British lady on the trip to answer people’s questions.

OP posts:
WisherWood · 17/07/2023 15:21

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. She was only speaking the truth?!

Well I don't wander up to overweight people in the supermarket and comment on what's in their trolley on the grounds I'm only speaking the truth. I don't go up to people drinking and smoking and lecture them on abstinence. I don't tell people eating sweets that their teeth will rot. I assume they know these things and choose to continue.

I cover up my skin a lot. I wear a sunhat whenever I'm outdoors, from April through to October. I've even got a waterproof sunhat, because, you know, Britain. And still random people feel the need to give me advice on skin care. Fuck off. I know about skin cancer. I'm terrified of it. I don't need the fucking lecture.

The only people more annoying than the 'oh, be careful of the sun' crew are the 'oh, you're so pale, you should get out more' crew'. People are fucking idiots.

dontgobaconmyheart · 17/07/2023 15:28

Obviously it was rude and uneccesary to comment but I wouldn't be taking it too personally or overthinking it OP - sunburn doesn't look good does it, ultimately. Nobody has ever improved their looks through being burnt. It's something that will go away fairly promptly, it isn't as though the comment was directed towards some permanent feature of your face or body.

frumpalertt · 17/07/2023 15:33

Needhelp1000 · 17/07/2023 15:09

This was the first time ever with a bikini as I’ve always always always felt so self conscious about my body so yes I understand I’m taking it a bit too far but there was no concern at all in her voice - it was to say how awful I looked without any empathy in her voice.

she was a British lady on the trip to answer people’s questions.

Urgh, in that case, she sounds awwwwwwful! No excuses for acting like that. She needs to wind her neck in, to use a great northern phrase.

Alconleigh · 17/07/2023 15:38

If it makes you feel any better OP, I once had a Spanish man hiss "you are SO WHITE. SO VERY WHITE" at me as I walked past him on the beach in Malaga. Kicker was I had 2 layers of fake tan on. Oh the trials of being a redhead. I got 99 problems and the beach is one....

okiedokie1 · 17/07/2023 15:41

RunningFromInsanity · 17/07/2023 13:49

OP gets insulted by a complete stranger and yet somehow she’s the one being U. Classic MN.

But what it an insult or did OP just interpret It as an insult. Language difference etc. people do speak to strangers 'oooh, your dog is cute'... 'it gets better! ....' when you see a parent struggling with their toddler. That sort of interaction. Perhaps it was more 'ooooo that looks awful, you poor thing' with a wincing face type of comment

Green777 · 17/07/2023 15:46

okiedokie1 · 17/07/2023 15:41

But what it an insult or did OP just interpret It as an insult. Language difference etc. people do speak to strangers 'oooh, your dog is cute'... 'it gets better! ....' when you see a parent struggling with their toddler. That sort of interaction. Perhaps it was more 'ooooo that looks awful, you poor thing' with a wincing face type of comment

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Oh dear, another one not even bothering to read what the OP has said…

Hoppinggreen · 17/07/2023 15:57

I think the nationality of the lady would be useful to see whether anything was lost in translation.
It sounds like something our German relies would do as purely observational rather than with any malice