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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS friend stole his bank details

102 replies

DetailsTaken · 17/07/2023 09:21

I know it’s not an AIBU but I need some advice please.
DS who is 17 has a friend who he’s known throughout secondary school, they're also part of a bigger friendship group.
Last night my son found out that his ‘friend’ also 17, had gone into his bag, taken his card out of his wallet and videoed his bank details (this happened about a week ago), his friend then shared this with his GF and in another group chat that my son is not part of.
We have no idea yet if anyone has used his details to purchase anything and how far his details have been spread, so we are calling the bank this morning and cancelling the card and will have to go through the transactions.
If money have been spent on his card, do we have to report this as fraud via the bank and try and claim the money back? Or is it a police matter?
The friendship is likely over between my DS and the ‘friend’, it was actually his ‘friends’ GF who told my DS last night, it has also caused the end of their relationship and will likely affect the friendship group.
DS is upset about it all.

OP posts:
Humidititties · 17/07/2023 09:23

I would contact the police too

ClaudiaWankleman · 17/07/2023 09:25

Police. Anyone else who is a real friend in that group will understand. You must report to the bank to get any money back, and the bank may also report to the police (almost certainly).

PragmaticWench · 17/07/2023 09:26

That's a horrible betrayal to have to deal with at 17, I feel for your son.

Ideally it should be reported to the police and the bank as fraud but I might be tempted to not involve the police if there hadn't been any transactions. Maybe.

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:26

I would just tell the bank your son lost his card out of the house. If his 'friend' were to make purchases using the details, it's possible that the bank will argue that he allowed access to the card and not pay out for any purchases made. The police won't get involved, it will be for the bank to sort out any potential disputes.

Daleksatemyshed · 17/07/2023 09:26

Of course your DS is upset, his friend is no friend at all. I know 17 year olds can be silly but giving a group of people the chance to defraud him is a criminal act, I'd be takibg this further Op

gabsdot · 17/07/2023 09:29

Contact the police. My son is in court this week because he gave his bank details to his best friend who then used them to launder money. An amount of money was taken from one account, and put into DS account for a day and then back out again. DS didn't get any payment for doing this and he said he didn't know what the friend was going to do with the card details but the police still charged him and he's going to court and may get a criminal record.
So go to the police and get your son's side of the story in first. Good luck

gearboxstuck · 17/07/2023 09:29

I would contact the "friend's" parents to inform them of what he has done. And well done to the moral upstanding girlfriend for telling on him.

I would be telling the bank exactly what happened in case there have been purchases made with the card they will then go down the fraud route internally and that may mean contacting the police.

ClaudiaWankleman · 17/07/2023 09:29

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:26

I would just tell the bank your son lost his card out of the house. If his 'friend' were to make purchases using the details, it's possible that the bank will argue that he allowed access to the card and not pay out for any purchases made. The police won't get involved, it will be for the bank to sort out any potential disputes.

This is terrible advice. Not only is it factually incorrect, but your DS could inadvertently become part of the fraud if he says he just lost the card - he could be seen to be assisting the thief in obtaining goods/ services if any purchases have been made.

KimberleyClark · 17/07/2023 09:32

Does your son have additional authorisations in place when using the card online? When I use mine I have to authorise the transaction by inputting a code that’s sent to me via text.

Sugarfree23 · 17/07/2023 09:34

Can DS not check his app to see if anything has been purchased?

Does he have any evidence other than the GFs say so that this actually happened?
Could just be teenagers shit stirring

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:34

This is terrible advice. Not only is it factually incorrect, but your DS could inadvertently become part of the fraud if he says he just lost the card - he could be seen to be assisting the thief in obtaining goods/ services if any purchases have been made.

I used to work in retail banking and when we filed a dispute we asked whether the card had been left unattended and if anyone in the household had access to the card details. Often these claims would be rejected on the basis that the account holder should keep their card details safe at all times.

Blueroses99 · 17/07/2023 09:34

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:26

I would just tell the bank your son lost his card out of the house. If his 'friend' were to make purchases using the details, it's possible that the bank will argue that he allowed access to the card and not pay out for any purchases made. The police won't get involved, it will be for the bank to sort out any potential disputes.

When I genuinely did lose my card outside the house a few years ago, I needed a crime reference number from the police.

The fact that the card numbers were passed around unknown groups makes this matter much more serious and the police should definitely be made aware.

LauraNicolaides · 17/07/2023 09:36

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:26

I would just tell the bank your son lost his card out of the house. If his 'friend' were to make purchases using the details, it's possible that the bank will argue that he allowed access to the card and not pay out for any purchases made. The police won't get involved, it will be for the bank to sort out any potential disputes.

Really not a good idea to lie when there may be criminal activity involved.

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:36

The fact that the card numbers were passed around unknown groups makes this matter much more serious and the police should definitely be made aware. By all means make the Police aware if the card has already been used, but it's unlikely they'll actually do anything other than give a reference number. The best way to be proactive is to cancel the card with the bank asap before any transactions are made.

LIZS · 17/07/2023 09:37

If money have been spent on his card, do we have to report this as fraud via the bank and try and claim the money back? Or is it a police matter? both. He can check transactions online and block the card.

Original poster
DetailsTaken · 17/07/2023 09:40

There is video evidence of his friend making the video and forwarding this information to his GF and the group (my DS has seen this), so there’s evidence of what he’s done. I’m just appalled really and my DS also can’t understand why his friend has done this to him, my son has always been a good friend to him.

OP posts:
ThirtyPercentRecycled · 17/07/2023 09:41

Has the “friend” spent any money on the card?

BodenCardiganNot · 17/07/2023 09:42

We have no idea yet if anyone has used his details to purchase anything and how far his details have been spread, so we are calling the bank this morning and cancelling the card and will have to go through the transactions.

Does his bank have an app?

Original poster
DetailsTaken · 17/07/2023 09:43

ThirtyPercentRecycled · 17/07/2023 09:41

Has the “friend” spent any money on the card?

We do not know if his friend has actually used his card himself yet.

OP posts:
ThirtyPercentRecycled · 17/07/2023 09:44

Would this not show up on a banking app? Assuming ds has one of course…

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:47

Would this not show up on a banking app? Assuming ds has one of course… They should show in pending transactions on most banking apps nowadays. Or they can call up and the bank can list off any transactions which are pending but haven't been debited.

Original poster
DetailsTaken · 17/07/2023 09:48

ThirtyPercentRecycled · 17/07/2023 09:44

Would this not show up on a banking app? Assuming ds has one of course…

He doesn’t have a banking app, we will get him one now though.

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 17/07/2023 09:49

If you haven't got the banking app or online banking, phone the number to report fraud on the back of the card and ask for the last few transactions to be checked. I would report it to the fraud department of the bank in any case.

If you have got the app freeze the card. I would ask the bank to close that account and open a new one so that the old account number is completely dead.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 17/07/2023 09:50

The banking apps are great, you get an alert every time there is a transaction so you know if something fraudulent is happening. You can also freeze the card from the app. and stop accounts being used for different categories such as online shopping or gambling.

ClaudiaWankleman · 17/07/2023 10:03

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 09:34

This is terrible advice. Not only is it factually incorrect, but your DS could inadvertently become part of the fraud if he says he just lost the card - he could be seen to be assisting the thief in obtaining goods/ services if any purchases have been made.

I used to work in retail banking and when we filed a dispute we asked whether the card had been left unattended and if anyone in the household had access to the card details. Often these claims would be rejected on the basis that the account holder should keep their card details safe at all times.

I've also worked in retail banking, and the situation OP has described fails none of the tests. Having someone (who is outside of the household) go into your bag and take the card details does not indicate negligence on OP's DS part in any capacity. If you have worked in retail banking I'm very surprised you advocate lying to the bank - if caught out this is a sure fire way to lose your customer protections.