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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS friend stole his bank details

102 replies

DetailsTaken · 17/07/2023 09:21

I know it’s not an AIBU but I need some advice please.
DS who is 17 has a friend who he’s known throughout secondary school, they're also part of a bigger friendship group.
Last night my son found out that his ‘friend’ also 17, had gone into his bag, taken his card out of his wallet and videoed his bank details (this happened about a week ago), his friend then shared this with his GF and in another group chat that my son is not part of.
We have no idea yet if anyone has used his details to purchase anything and how far his details have been spread, so we are calling the bank this morning and cancelling the card and will have to go through the transactions.
If money have been spent on his card, do we have to report this as fraud via the bank and try and claim the money back? Or is it a police matter?
The friendship is likely over between my DS and the ‘friend’, it was actually his ‘friends’ GF who told my DS last night, it has also caused the end of their relationship and will likely affect the friendship group.
DS is upset about it all.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 17/07/2023 12:10

What happens if you lose your phone though?

I know no-one can probably get past the fingerprint/facial recognition etc, but if you're out and about and your phone is lost or stolen, how do you get home, set yourself up with a new phone, pay for things, phone people, etc if you have no way of paying for anything and no-one's number to call for help?

ThreeLittleDots · 17/07/2023 12:11

My advice is, when you know your card details have been taken, cancel the card immediately and don't wait for your mother to post about it on Mumsnet a whole day later, before getting her to do it.

Waffle78 · 17/07/2023 12:13

Police as well that's fraud you can cancel your card online or by phone 24 hours a day. The bank's don't mess about with stuff like this.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2023 12:14

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 11:31

He videoed it and put it in the group chat. It's in the Op.

Show quote history

Yes, I saw that bit, but I thought OP meant there was someone else filming the guy who was filming it?

I admit Mizzy hadn't occurred to me, but who knows with these wretched people? 🙄

INeedAnotherName · 17/07/2023 12:14

BodenCardiganNot · 17/07/2023 12:05

@WildUnchartedWaters

Just saying it's more secure than having physical cards.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/london-gym-thief-scam-women-online-banking-b1023896.html

Phones are just as hackable by those with basic knowledge. It was in many of the main newspapers last year and it wasn't just this gym. Then add the frustration of not being able to buy anything when your phone is lost, stolen or broken.

London gym thief stealing thousands from women as they exercise

The thief, or possibly thieves, target bank cards and phone from gym lockers before splurging thousands at high-end shops

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/london-gym-thief-scam-women-online-banking-b1023896.html

applesandmares · 17/07/2023 12:20

I'd get in touch with the boys parents and not involve the police at this point, so long as no transactions were made or money was returned. The 17 year old boy has made a huge mistake there but if you contact the police it could impact his life considerably, which would be disproportionate IMO.

Waffle78 · 17/07/2023 12:40

And if he thinks he can get away with it he will do it again. Only his next victim might be more vulnerable and not know what to do about it.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 17/07/2023 12:47

I would email the police and ask their advice.

The fact that your sons bag was gone into makes this likely to be a police matter even if no money has been stolen.

I would contact the bank ASAP and explain.

Clarich007 · 17/07/2023 12:49

Oh good luck with it OP.
What a horrible situation, and from a so called friend too. Good idea to immediately cancel your card.
Saying that, it's not always foolproof.
A couple of years ago I had my purse stolen in town. I had just withdrawn £50. Obviously someone watching me.
The bank was 2 mins walk away so within 5 mins of it being stolen I reported it and cancelled the card. Unfortunately, the guy in the bank cancelled my husbands card instead of mine. Joint account.
A week later his new card arrived, and I realised that my stolen card was out there somewhere. I was angry about that. He was mortified when I reported it, very apologetic and assured me I would get any money back. What a pain it was getting new cards etc..

Clarich007 · 17/07/2023 12:58

I disagree apples and mares.
Who's to say if his parents will discipline him at all. Why baby him, it was an awful thing to do to a friend.
Also what message does it give him? More likely to do it again if there are no consequences. Why should he get away with it. And the fact that he video taped it too is awful but stupid at the same time

Ofcourseshecan · 17/07/2023 13:03

gabsdot · 17/07/2023 09:29

Contact the police. My son is in court this week because he gave his bank details to his best friend who then used them to launder money. An amount of money was taken from one account, and put into DS account for a day and then back out again. DS didn't get any payment for doing this and he said he didn't know what the friend was going to do with the card details but the police still charged him and he's going to court and may get a criminal record.
So go to the police and get your son's side of the story in first. Good luck

God that’s sad, if he didn’t realise he was getting caught up in a crime. Best of luck to you both.

applesandmares · 17/07/2023 13:03

@Clarich007 if he is the sort of person that will do it again, then he will do it again regardless of what action the OP takes now.

To be honest, we aren't even sure if this was a malicious thing to genuinely steal his money, or if it was a bit of a silly joke. It would be the kind of thing my friends might have done back in the day, to buy a load of condoms shipped to your house or something (knowing that the money would be returned afterwards).

The police are unlikely to do anything especially if no transactions were made as whilst they might have the evidence, it's not in the public interest to dedicate police and court resources to something like this. If they do do something about it, the 17 year old can wave goodbye to hopes of university and certain careers.

Ofcourseshecan · 17/07/2023 13:09

But OP should report this to the police, so she’s got in first in case her son gets suspected of involvement in anything the gang does.

Ofcourseshecan · 17/07/2023 13:13

we aren't even sure if this was a malicious thing to genuinely steal his money, or if it was a bit of a silly joke.

Even if the original theft was intended as a harmless prank (and I wouldn’t see it as harmless), passing on the bank details gave everyone else the chance to steal. I would report to police.

INeedAnotherName · 17/07/2023 13:14

The police are unlikely to do anything especially if no transactions were made as whilst they might have the evidence, it's not in the public interest to dedicate police and court resources to something like this. If they do do something about it, the 17 year old can wave goodbye to hopes of university and certain careers.

Thats up to the police and cps to decide. Which they can't do if its not reported. Maybe this boy has done this to multiple friends/acquaintances and nobody reported him. A 17yr old is old enough to face consequences to their actions otherwise what is the age cutoff point? Funny though, how you've gone from one extreme to the other though. Nobodys interested to full on doom.

@DetailsTaken I hope your DS has got things sorted on a practical level, but he must be really hurt by this.

BodenCardiganNot · 17/07/2023 13:17

@INeedAnotherName
That report says that in those cases cards were stolen as well as phones and keys.

stayathomer · 17/07/2023 13:22

Ah hope your ds is okay op. I’d probably go to the boy’s parents but I totally get getting the police involved too. Just horrible

applesandmares · 17/07/2023 13:25

@INeedAnotherName well a 17 year old with a criminal record is full on doom to me 😂 although saying that I'm not sure what crime has even been committed. It isn't a theft as OP's son wasn't permanently deprived of anything (so long as no transactions were made).

ilikemethewayiam · 17/07/2023 13:27

Sorry but I’d go straight to the police, after freezing it via the app if you have it. I would be incensed and would show no mercy. What an absolutely despicable thing to do to anyone let alone a ‘friend’.

VisionsOfSplendour · 17/07/2023 13:34

Is there a reason you didn't straight away download the banking app and freeze the card?

You can go to the police today, freezing the account should have been done immediately

Irridescantshimmmer · 17/07/2023 13:38

Ask your son to contact his bank Asap so that the existing card can be stopped and a new card to be sent to him.

As other people have advised DEFINATLY contact the police.

LotsOfThingsToThinkAbout · 17/07/2023 13:39

gabsdot · 17/07/2023 09:29

Contact the police. My son is in court this week because he gave his bank details to his best friend who then used them to launder money. An amount of money was taken from one account, and put into DS account for a day and then back out again. DS didn't get any payment for doing this and he said he didn't know what the friend was going to do with the card details but the police still charged him and he's going to court and may get a criminal record.
So go to the police and get your son's side of the story in first. Good luck

How worrying for you. This is quite common apparently. 'Deets' and 'squares' is the lingo.

Im surprised the CPS are going through with it without supporting evidence such as incriminating messages etc. I'd be a little worried your son hasn't told you the whole truth. I really hope he has though!

Elsiebear90 · 17/07/2023 13:39

I had this happen to me at work, a member of staff went into my bag used my card and transferred themselves money from my bank account, I contacted the bank and explained what happened and they refunded the money and said it was fraud.

JusthereforXmas · 17/07/2023 13:47

I probably wouldn't be that upset as I know my bank has been great at handling these things in the past but I would be annoyed.

Knowing my group of friends 'stealing' is an automatic ban from the friendship group so it would be them 'upset at losing friends' but thats the consequence of bad actions.

Hope you get it sorted.

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/07/2023 14:05

You need to report to the police (though they may ask you to go to Action Fraud) - they will give you a crime number. You need to contact your son's bank, report his details have been stolen and compromised, cancel his cards and give the bank the crime number.

In the mean time, I strongly recommend cutting ties with this 'friend' though if you know his parents, you may want to talk to them about what he has done!