Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DS friend stole his bank details

102 replies

DetailsTaken · 17/07/2023 09:21

I know it’s not an AIBU but I need some advice please.
DS who is 17 has a friend who he’s known throughout secondary school, they're also part of a bigger friendship group.
Last night my son found out that his ‘friend’ also 17, had gone into his bag, taken his card out of his wallet and videoed his bank details (this happened about a week ago), his friend then shared this with his GF and in another group chat that my son is not part of.
We have no idea yet if anyone has used his details to purchase anything and how far his details have been spread, so we are calling the bank this morning and cancelling the card and will have to go through the transactions.
If money have been spent on his card, do we have to report this as fraud via the bank and try and claim the money back? Or is it a police matter?
The friendship is likely over between my DS and the ‘friend’, it was actually his ‘friends’ GF who told my DS last night, it has also caused the end of their relationship and will likely affect the friendship group.
DS is upset about it all.

OP posts:
WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 11:20

BodenCardiganNot · 17/07/2023 11:05

We don't use physical cards any more. Cards are on either apple watches or on phones.

And?

TheCatsMama · 17/07/2023 11:20

Unclecornelius · 17/07/2023 11:15

So your dd’s or ds’s never ever put their bags down even for a minute?
Ok.

Show quote history

Not outside home where they can't see it with a card or cash in it.

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 11:21

Have to say I'm appalled at the number of posts on this thread who appear to be either minimising or blaming the child.

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 11:22

You did, yet you also advised just to say hed lost it, at which point the police would smell a rat and any resources they did have would go down the pan.
I agree resources are stretched but attempting to play the system is not a good idea.

I said to cancel it as lost with the bank, you don't need to contact the Police to cancel a card. The only time you would need to involve the Police would be if transactions have been made and the bank asks for a crime reference number.

To clarify, I'm in no way victim blaming the OP's son. What his friend did to him is disgusting and he should have been able to leave his bag around friends without fear of it being messed around with. If it will make OP and her son feel better to go to the Police then that's absolutely what they should do. However, I'm just managing their expectations that the Police are unlikely to do anything unless the 'friend' has a previous record.

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 11:23

JonahAndTheSnail · 17/07/2023 11:22

You did, yet you also advised just to say hed lost it, at which point the police would smell a rat and any resources they did have would go down the pan.
I agree resources are stretched but attempting to play the system is not a good idea.

I said to cancel it as lost with the bank, you don't need to contact the Police to cancel a card. The only time you would need to involve the Police would be if transactions have been made and the bank asks for a crime reference number.

To clarify, I'm in no way victim blaming the OP's son. What his friend did to him is disgusting and he should have been able to leave his bag around friends without fear of it being messed around with. If it will make OP and her son feel better to go to the Police then that's absolutely what they should do. However, I'm just managing their expectations that the Police are unlikely to do anything unless the 'friend' has a previous record.

I still totally disagree with you.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2023 11:26

There is video evidence of his friend making the video and forwarding this information to his GF

Out of interest how the heck did that come to happen?
I can see the 'friend" recording the card details (though why not just a photo?) but someone else filming him doing it ...?

SBHon · 17/07/2023 11:28

This is not the point of the thread but I feel stressed about how slowly your DS has acted: if I had found this out last night I would have cancelled the card then immediately.

Meeting · 17/07/2023 11:28

You need to report him to the police.

DandelionBurdockAndGin · 17/07/2023 11:30

TheCatsMama - isn't wrong that it does need to be made clear to teens bank cards like cash should be kept close out in public- so don't leave them unsupervised at college/school/work event.

It is apparently fairly common for work away day events for adults to leave suit jackets with wallets and bags to be left unattended in classroom/meeting rooms and for thieves to then go round and take in breaks.

DD1 volunteering in a shop but has to lock away her bags - partly for safety for light fingers but also to protect her from accusations of fiddling with till if there are discrepancies - as it' clear what is her's and it's no where near what is the shops.

However the opportunity that trusted friends have is more and frankly if it was in his own home much harder to guard against as you don't expect it - it just doesn't say in OP where it occurred - and for many of DD1 friends it would have to be our home as so many go to different school/colleges and she has a bag on her hip so it's never away from her when out in public.

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 11:30

SBHon · 17/07/2023 11:28

This is not the point of the thread but I feel stressed about how slowly your DS has acted: if I had found this out last night I would have cancelled the card then immediately.

You're an adult.

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 11:31

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2023 11:26

There is video evidence of his friend making the video and forwarding this information to his GF

Out of interest how the heck did that come to happen?
I can see the 'friend" recording the card details (though why not just a photo?) but someone else filming him doing it ...?

He videoed it and put it in the group chat. It's in the Op.

INeedAnotherName · 17/07/2023 11:34

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/07/2023 11:26

There is video evidence of his friend making the video and forwarding this information to his GF

Out of interest how the heck did that come to happen?
I can see the 'friend" recording the card details (though why not just a photo?) but someone else filming him doing it ...?

Wonder if it was a "Mizzy" moment. That twat has been in the news a lot lately and lots ot teen boys think he's amazing 🙄

QueenCamilla · 17/07/2023 11:35

How much money is/was on the card?

Something doesn't add up here...

madeofcheeze · 17/07/2023 11:35

SBHon · 17/07/2023 11:28

This is not the point of the thread but I feel stressed about how slowly your DS has acted: if I had found this out last night I would have cancelled the card then immediately.

Glad it's not just me. Why are you reacting so slowly OP? You don't know if there is any spending going on with that card. If there is, from the time you knew about the video, until now, you may struggle to get that money back. Fraud lines are open 24/7, as are the police.

Roundandroundwegogo · 17/07/2023 11:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

madeofcheeze · 17/07/2023 11:41

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

You need to start your own thread. It'll get lost in the comments here

AdoraBell · 17/07/2023 11:42

I would tell the bank what happened.

willWillSmithsmith · 17/07/2023 11:42

This is most definitely a police matter. What shocking behaviour from his so-called friend. Disgusting. Absolutely no lying about lost cards etc.

Twobyfour · 17/07/2023 11:43

FFS tell the truth, don’t lie and tie yourself up in knots to protect the “friend”.

See it as a time for your DS to learn to keep money/bank cards/ phones always on person or secure, and to have a separate savings account.

MNHQ
PipMumsnet · 17/07/2023 11:46

Hello @Roundandroundwegogo - we suggest you start your own thread, if you need help with this please contact us at [email protected] and we will guide you through the process. We have withdrawn your post now but will keep a copy if it in case you need it later.
Best wishes
MNHQ

BadgersBum · 17/07/2023 11:52

Don't tell lies to cover for this weasel. If he can take a card out of the bag of someone who's supposed to be a friend, what would he do if it was a stranger? Even if he only gets a slap on the wrist it might stop someone's elderly mother having her purse lifted out of her bag by light fingered little toerags like this!

xsquared · 17/07/2023 11:54

I am so, so sorry that this happened to your ds. He is understandably very upset by his "friend's" betrayal, and violation of his privacy. Kudos to the ex GF for lodging the right thing over protecting her boyfriend.

I hope your ds manages to sort out all the bank stuff.

He is better off without this so called friend.

BotterMon · 17/07/2023 11:57

Police. His 'friend' stole his bank details from his bag and then wallet and then publicised them. It wasn't a case of your DS not keeping his bank card safe. DS should absolutely press charges. What a complete and utter bastard ex friend is. Hope "friend" gets a criminal record as it's no less than he deserves.

TheCatsMama · 17/07/2023 11:59

If the card security number, the three/four digit one on the back is exposed then the card is completely compromised, and it's gone in a group chat, then who knows what purchases could have been made.

BodenCardiganNot · 17/07/2023 12:05

@WildUnchartedWaters

Just saying it's more secure than having physical cards.

Swipe left for the next trending thread