Is this acceptable for a cleaner?

[Lilly0909]

Hi all
I am a cleaner and considering dropping a client I have had for over a year because of the worsening conditions of her house. I go to her 6 hours one week to clean/tidy and 2 hours the other week just to tidy. The house has always been very unkept, meaning there is mess EVERYWHERE and I know she struggles. I have always been happy to help tidy but it has taken a turn in the past 3 months and there are issues I’m finding it hard to ignore and I’m beginning to dread the job.

1.	There are dirty nappies and bed pads all over her bedroom and the kids’ room. I pick up about 10 each time and the smell of urine in the kids’ room is so strong.
2.	There are a crazy amount of half drunk cups of coffee all over the house and plates of food, many are mouldy by the time I visit!
3.	All 4 toilets are constantly unflushed and covered in hardened skids. I understand that I am a cleaner but this is like the toilet brush hasn’t been touched in 2 weeks. I understand the odd wee or little skid left sometimes, we are all human and she has children. But surely it shouldn’t be left like this for weeks? Sometimes there are tampons and blood in/on the toilet too.
4.	She rarely changes the bedsheets and I have taken it upon myself to start doing it recently. Weirdly, she does her own more often than the children’s. I sometimes go to change them and she stops me, saying she’ll do it herself, but she never does. She leaves it about 2 months between changes unless I can do it. Her 3 year old girl doesn’t have a pillow case on her pillow and it is covered in yellow sweat stains. She doesn’t even have a flat sheet on the mattress and instead sleeps on the same fleece blanket. I changed the sheets recently with her permission and her children were ridiculously excited about it, is this normal? 
5.	The sink is constantly full of food and stinks. I have to clean out the plug hole every 2 weeks with baking soda as she must be pushing all the food down there
6.	The bedroom floors are covered in clothes and I have to spend ages sorting through clean/dirty because I can’t put them together. The rest of the house is always strewn with clothes too.
7.	This isn’t relevant to cleaning but she also has a long hair cat that is extremely matted and looks like it has an eye infection. The cat is lovely and follows me around and I would love to be able to take it to the groomers to make it more comfortable. I can’t say anything in case I offend her…

This is not a deprived family. Her and her husband both work from home for a tech company and have a 5 bed house with 2 new BMWs on the drive.

Is this normal, do some people live like this? I have never had another client who does anything like this. I grew up in a messy house but it was always generally clean and having pillow/mattress protectors and my sheets changed every 2 weeks was normal. She also has her 8 year old boy and 3 year old girl sharing the same small bedroom, when she has 3 unused spare rooms. Do lots of people do this? Im not a parent myself. Am I being nosey and sensitive to being concerned about all this?

We get on very well, almost to a friend level, and always have personal catch-ups when I go. We have spoken openly about the disorganisation and chaos in the house and I have offered to come multiple times to help declutter and organise outside of my usual hours. Whenever she books me for this, she cancels last minute. I have tried to organise small areas if I ever have extra time but it never stays that way so I have given up.

In conversation, I told her about my mum’s ADHD diagnosis which has helped her to keep on top of things. She seemed to identify with it and later asked me about the process of getting assessed. She said she would look into an assessment but hasn’t mentioned it since. I don’t want to pry and ask again as I don’t want her to think I’m diagnosing her but I am sure she is struggling with something mentally.

I guess my issue is that I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle and I am the one holding the house together, which feels like a huge responsibility. I know she doesn’t do any cleaning or tidying between my visits and how much she depends on me to reset the house each week. I hate to think the condition it will slip into if I drop her as a client.

A few weeks ago, she let me know her brother’s family were coming to housesit for the week whilst they were on holiday. I went on the day they left to prepare the house and when I arrived, the house was in complete disgusting chaos as usual. I thought to myself, ‘what if I was sick, what if I wasn’t able to come to clean? Would she just have let her brother stay in the house in that condition?’

I also feel it has gotten worse recently because she has become more comfortable with me seeing her mess and has let it slip, making me do more. Almost like ‘ah the cleaner will sort that’ mentality. Are her and her husband taking the mickey leaving me to deal with and see all of this?

Thoughts? She clearly needs help but it is becoming a lot for me.

before we retired this april, I had a weekly cleaner (working a full on busy restaurant that I owned and husband working 50 hours a week) My husband used to laugh at me on tuesday mornings as I made him go round all the bathrooms and kitchen and take all garbages out. Then I unload dishwasher.. tidy all counters and pick up all the dogs toys and put them in the garage till after she was done cleaning. She was there to CLEAN , not tidy our mess up! She never even had a bed to make. Some people really do take the piss!!!

You had me until "grow up"

This is such a patronising and superior mumsnetty thing to say.

Nothing about OP or this thread is particularly childish. You made your point, but then tacked "grow up" on the end, just to, what? Be annoying?

That is absolutely disgusting!

I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD but even I have standards, especially because I have children, it's honestly child abuse to bring your kids up in that kind of filth.

Not only is she neglecting her children she's taking advantage of you. A cleaners job isn't to clean up other people's piss and shit, it's disgusting that she would leave it to you.

ADHD doesn't stop you from flushing the toilet, they sound like a disgusting pair.

I'd quit working for her, she's got too comfortable.

Please tell the school. It helps them to build a picture and they may have other concerns that could be actioned at the ‘early help’ stage. Also RSPCA for the cat. You have a safeguarding duty, all adults do.

Not only would I quit but I’d also report to SS. If I went to this family as part of a job we’d be completing a safeguarding form !

Tidying before your cleaner comes is courteous, a cleaner is there to clean - dust, vacuum, mop etc.

I wouldn't expect my cleaner to wash my dishes for example, and I certainly wouldn't expect them to pick up used sanitary products and dirty nappies, that's absolutely foul.

She is leaving dirty nappies and bedpads laying around. Ergo, the basics are not being done.

Hi.
I have ADHD. So does my mum and my sister, we are all diagnosed and medicated. I am not qualified at all but when she started speaking about the house and her stresses, she particularly mentioned that she struggles to remember where anything is if she can't see it, therefore doesn't put anything away. This is called object permanence and is an ADHD symptom. I simply told her that my mum has always had the same issue until she got diagnosed with ADHD and it has helped her a lot. The client took no offence and was actually very interested to hear more. :)

You sound like you look down on cleaners, that's ok. I love my job and I'm happy to deal with people's dirt, but there is a point where it becomes concerning. Leaving mouldy food and dirty nappies around wouldn't be classed as a difference in housekeeping I'm afraid. My point is that they do zero housekeeping. Why don't you try not touching a single cleaning product, hoovering or picking up rubbish for 2 weeks and let me know how your house looks?

Just be be honest with them and tell them your house smells of urine because there’s a lot of nappies and pads left lying around. Might be a good idea to throw them away after use to get rid of the smell. Also would you mind making sure it’s relatively tidy before I arrive so that it’s easier for me to clean as when there’s bits and bobs lying about it’s hard for me to do a proper job or I’ll have to increase my hourly rate in line with the amount of work i have to do.

I wouldn’t call social services as they’re very unlikely to do anything anyway or they might just use them as a scapegoat and take the kids away without helping them first.
I think they just need a nudge in the right direction.

She's a dirty bitch. You could make all the excuses under the sun but that's what it boils down to. Ditch her as a client but make sure you ring the RSPCA and Social Services.

@Scatterbrainbox and @Mumtothreegirlies what makes you think you are qualified to assess what is child neglect?
Please contact your local Mash Team . These children need your help . The parents are not doing their job . There are issues of severe neglect here .

I don't have a cleaner but i just cannot imagine leaving marks in the toilet for someone else to clean!

There’s something very odd going on with your client. Either mental health/neurodivergence as no-one really wants to live like that.
If she doesn’t want you to go every day can you say you can only come if she gets rid of the nappies etc or you’ll have to give notice?
I assume her husband is of the same mind set if he doesn’t mind living in filth.
And I would agree w an SS referral.
I always tidy for the cleaner, I thought that was a given.

There's alot of people ln this thread who I suspect would not be saying not to contact SS if this family were working class and living on a council estate. The hypocrisy is off the scale. @JustDanceAddict yeah they could be ND or have mental health problems or even possible addiction issues, although I have know many ND and /or people with mental health problems who do not neglect their children ,live in clean , tidy homes and don't leave used nappies lying around, including myself. It could be that this couple are possibly just lazy, smelly people who have had people picking up after them all their lives and waiting on them hand and foot since they were small.
The children do not deserve to live in this environment and it is everyone's job in society to pass on concerns to social work.

You are definitely allowed to quit this job. You are allowed to quit any job for any reason. Few would put up with what you are dealing with.

You sound very kind.

Perhaps suggest to her that she needs more hours? It sounds like she needs about 10 hours a week. Full clean once a week; plus 2 x 2 hour visits to keep things from spiralling to chaos.

You said Dad also works from home. I wonder what his contribution to keeping the house in order is?

In your shoes I’d tell them that you’re struggling with all the nappies, tampons being left out and you’ll need them to utilise nappy bins in bedroom and bathroom bins. Also the loos being full and encrusted old skid marks. Send them some links to Amazon bins and also ask them to start dealing with skid marks when they make them so the loos just need just a normal clean. If they fail to put changes in place, tell them you’ll need to hand your notice in as the nappies loos are too much to deal with. Then hand your notice.

the mugs and clothes on the floor will seem manageable if the biohazard stuff is dealt with

You're going above and beyond for this woman and her family, massive kudos to you for doing so.

We are in the process of getting a cleaner on board and I'd never dream of leaving basic household tasks for the cleaner to perform.

Cleaner, not tidier-upper/dishwasher/basic hygiene upkeeper.

If this was a wc family ut would be classes as neglect. Ex social worker here.
social services remit would be to assess the level of neglecr, the reason why, and put in strategies to improve matters . The family would then be assessed on ability ro engage etc which would inform any ongoing work .

It sounds to me as if the familu have switched off domestically , with the focus on say work . It sounds like over time they have transferred this aspect of their life tp you op . . This may be
unconsciously.
what may be the need is a daily or more frequent housekeeper role, that encompasses wider range of jobs … bedding , cat care.. more range to be pro active ?
an honest convo re this needed? If this does mot
work .. then time to re think .

the householders need be aware that this is a joint stratagy.
Like a work agreement, that needs joint oversight and responsibility to review. Like they wd at work with a plan !

I mean grow up about the fact that social services aren't going to care if her house isn't pristine. It's just bloody naive.

Social services care when there is no bedding, or the toilet can't be used properly because of the state of the bathroom, or theres no food in. When kids are not protected from predators, kept clean, or taken to medical appointments. When the kitchen is full of dirty rubbish.
Not because the housework 'only' gets done weekly.
I have been in homes like those through work. Where your feet stick to the carpet, there's no food and the sink is blocked, where the bath is full of junk so can't be used regularly, where the parents don't interact other than shout and are often drunk/stoned in front of kids.

I know the OP is saying the house is disgusting, but with a cleaner 6 hrs one week and 3 the next, it couldn't possibly descend to that level between visits. Its probably is less clean /tidy than many others but that's just different families.

I cnabge bedding 2 weekly, but if the occupants of the beds have regular baths and showers (which appears to be the case) then rhe bedding, whilst not as fresh as yours or mine, certainly won't be 'dirty'.

People are saying if it was a working class family... that's misleading, if any family had 9 hrs pw uninterrupted cleanings fortnight (whether by a residential or paid cleaner) it just can't ben dirty enough to hit a level where social services would care.

A good friend of my daughter's lives in a filthy house. It's absolutely minging. The mother is a social worker....

I havent read it all but just from first couple of issues I’d sack her off. Shes lucky that ss havent got involved yet! I dont say thus lightly as I have chronic health issues and struggle but this is unacceptable.

I agree

Its not hard to put soiled items in the bin and chuck some bleach down the toilet

It feels like there are lots of things going on.

She clearly knows that the house needs more attention than she is giving it so employed a cleaner.

It feels like she and presumably her DP don't recognise or understand normal levels of cleanliness or social obligations. Ergo the unwritten rule that you don't leave poo marks on the toilet for anyone, even if they are paid to clean.

Maybe a checklist might work for her to use in between visits so picking up nappies and cleaning toilet should be done on a daily basis.

I think this is what's irritating me so much.
She is a dirty bitch. What about him? Birch?
The misogyny is just oozing out.