Is this acceptable for a cleaner?

[Lilly0909]

Hi all
I am a cleaner and considering dropping a client I have had for over a year because of the worsening conditions of her house. I go to her 6 hours one week to clean/tidy and 2 hours the other week just to tidy. The house has always been very unkept, meaning there is mess EVERYWHERE and I know she struggles. I have always been happy to help tidy but it has taken a turn in the past 3 months and there are issues I’m finding it hard to ignore and I’m beginning to dread the job.

1.	There are dirty nappies and bed pads all over her bedroom and the kids’ room. I pick up about 10 each time and the smell of urine in the kids’ room is so strong.
2.	There are a crazy amount of half drunk cups of coffee all over the house and plates of food, many are mouldy by the time I visit!
3.	All 4 toilets are constantly unflushed and covered in hardened skids. I understand that I am a cleaner but this is like the toilet brush hasn’t been touched in 2 weeks. I understand the odd wee or little skid left sometimes, we are all human and she has children. But surely it shouldn’t be left like this for weeks? Sometimes there are tampons and blood in/on the toilet too.
4.	She rarely changes the bedsheets and I have taken it upon myself to start doing it recently. Weirdly, she does her own more often than the children’s. I sometimes go to change them and she stops me, saying she’ll do it herself, but she never does. She leaves it about 2 months between changes unless I can do it. Her 3 year old girl doesn’t have a pillow case on her pillow and it is covered in yellow sweat stains. She doesn’t even have a flat sheet on the mattress and instead sleeps on the same fleece blanket. I changed the sheets recently with her permission and her children were ridiculously excited about it, is this normal? 
5.	The sink is constantly full of food and stinks. I have to clean out the plug hole every 2 weeks with baking soda as she must be pushing all the food down there
6.	The bedroom floors are covered in clothes and I have to spend ages sorting through clean/dirty because I can’t put them together. The rest of the house is always strewn with clothes too.
7.	This isn’t relevant to cleaning but she also has a long hair cat that is extremely matted and looks like it has an eye infection. The cat is lovely and follows me around and I would love to be able to take it to the groomers to make it more comfortable. I can’t say anything in case I offend her…

This is not a deprived family. Her and her husband both work from home for a tech company and have a 5 bed house with 2 new BMWs on the drive.

Is this normal, do some people live like this? I have never had another client who does anything like this. I grew up in a messy house but it was always generally clean and having pillow/mattress protectors and my sheets changed every 2 weeks was normal. She also has her 8 year old boy and 3 year old girl sharing the same small bedroom, when she has 3 unused spare rooms. Do lots of people do this? Im not a parent myself. Am I being nosey and sensitive to being concerned about all this?

We get on very well, almost to a friend level, and always have personal catch-ups when I go. We have spoken openly about the disorganisation and chaos in the house and I have offered to come multiple times to help declutter and organise outside of my usual hours. Whenever she books me for this, she cancels last minute. I have tried to organise small areas if I ever have extra time but it never stays that way so I have given up.

In conversation, I told her about my mum’s ADHD diagnosis which has helped her to keep on top of things. She seemed to identify with it and later asked me about the process of getting assessed. She said she would look into an assessment but hasn’t mentioned it since. I don’t want to pry and ask again as I don’t want her to think I’m diagnosing her but I am sure she is struggling with something mentally.

I guess my issue is that I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle and I am the one holding the house together, which feels like a huge responsibility. I know she doesn’t do any cleaning or tidying between my visits and how much she depends on me to reset the house each week. I hate to think the condition it will slip into if I drop her as a client.

A few weeks ago, she let me know her brother’s family were coming to housesit for the week whilst they were on holiday. I went on the day they left to prepare the house and when I arrived, the house was in complete disgusting chaos as usual. I thought to myself, ‘what if I was sick, what if I wasn’t able to come to clean? Would she just have let her brother stay in the house in that condition?’

I also feel it has gotten worse recently because she has become more comfortable with me seeing her mess and has let it slip, making me do more. Almost like ‘ah the cleaner will sort that’ mentality. Are her and her husband taking the mickey leaving me to deal with and see all of this?

Thoughts? She clearly needs help but it is becoming a lot for me.

The last thing they’ll want to do is take the children away. They’ll put steps in place for both parents to help them live less chaotically.

Leave, wait a while (a few weeks) then contact Social Services so you are not obviously the person who told. They obviously need more help than you can give and it seems it's getting worse not better.

Okay no need with some of the dramatics here about calling social services.

OP, I guess you've got various options about leaving / telling them how unhappy you are, etc etc. But - I'd think about how to solve the situation in both parties interests.

I'd say to them you want to discuss your cleaning hours. It's not working as it currently stands, and you're not happy with some red-lines being crossed (nappies and sanitary products).

Then present them with a new cleaning offer. You offer the service you think the house needs for you to be happy continuing working there. Eg, you want to work 6 hours every week, split Mondays and Thursdays so it never gets too bad, which will include the children's bedding (or whatever you know it needs, you get the idea).

They should realise how lucky they are to have you (they likely do, they just don't show it), and realise it's in their interests to follow what you suggest, their house will be better for it.

So, reframe your position to "this is the service I am offering for this house, would you like to continue?", rather than "I'll do whatever hours and jobs you want"

Best of luck OP, this sounds like a tricky situation that must be hard to face for lots of reasons.

OP - ^^This is top advice.

Thank you so so much!

Will you be able to fill the slot easily? If it would not damage your financial position to drop her as a client, perhaps you politely saying that you can’t continue as you’re not prepared to deal with dirty nappies and mouldy food (which are the worst thing) will give her a kick up the backside, as she’ll probably find any new person would not get into the habit of just doing it all like you have.

Regarding the food in the sink, she is not someone who grew up with a waste disposal is she? Perhaps she thinks that is how sinks work and you need to explain to her/her husband? (We do have one and you do basically push the food waste down the plug hole, but it has a button to liquefy the food).

They sound like people who are phenomenally lazy and perhaps grew up with staff. That’s fine, but they need to pay for a housekeeper not let it all build up to a weekly clean.

I like what Echio has suggested: you currently do 8 hours over two weeks so I'd offer to just split them into 4 slots and go for two hours twice a week. They pay the same but it's not allowed to get to such a hideous state in between.

Also, why does her bedroom have bed pads/what are they? Sanitary towels?

The bed pads are in the kids rooms, i think they're for bed wetting. The nappies are found in her room as well as the kids rooms, I guess she takes them off in her room sometimes? Not sure

There are two adults in the home. The husband should be looking after the house too. Why isn't he?

I'd report them to social services too. Horrible for the kids to live in.

I don't understand how people can hold down a good job yet live like that - barring any mh diagnoses.

And I'd tell her that the cat needs to go to the vet.

You give notice.
You call social services
you call the RSPCA

This is not normal. You know it’s not normal. Mess and clutter and stuff in the sink is one thing. Unwashed kids sheets and stink of urine is neglect.

Why are you referring to “she”
constantly if there is also a dad who is responsible for the house and family too? Surely it is their responsibility not hers alone?

some families are like this. Very low hygiene standards as they value their time in other ways.

You definitely would be within your rights to resign and find another job. I would, in your place, it sounds unpleasant.

I don't think this is bad enough for social services. There are obviously issues though. But they are employing you to clean and that is what you are doing so I don't really see you can complain.

I don't understand all the PPs commenting that they tidy up before their cleaner comes. What's the point then?

I work with vulnerable people / hoarders etc and the cleaners / declutterers are invaluable and do a great job but they obviously need to have expectations that they are never going to achieve a spotless property. They cannot fix the issues. However they maintain it to a certain level which is amazing.

You sound like you are doing great work in there! Well done, I'm sure they appreciate you.

Obviously it's up to you if you want to stay working for them or not. I wouldn't think any less of you if you leave. But just to put the perspective in there that if you stay that would be amazing too.

Oh yuck, that's really unpleasant OP! Lots of people are mega untidy but there's a world of difference between that and having bedrooms stinking of wee and mouldy food lying around. It sounds as though (as you say) she's just fallen into the habit of 'oh cleaner will fix that' and that's not fair on you. If you were to quit, I'd doubt she'd find someone else as accommodating.

She obviously needs your help so why not start with setting some boundaries? Tell her you've noticed things have started getting worse and that in order for you to have time to properly clean, you need her to help with tidying away obvious rubbish before you get there (dirty nappies/mouldy plates etc). You'd also (for hygiene reasons) ask her to clear up tampons/period blood (🤢) and flush the toilets. That's NOT a lot to ask.

I have a cleaner and like a PP said, I always do a quick tidy round before she comes so that she can get straight to the cleaning. It sounds like your client needs to stop being so filthy or hire a daily housekeeper.

Dnephew and Dniece live in absolute squalor- their 4 year old DD isn't allowed in the kitchen because it's so filthy- but they hold down professional jobs and their DD is always clean and well presented.
it's a mystery to the wider family how they can live like this and when baby was newborn they got very upset when SIL cleaned their frankly disgusting kitchen.

I don't know what I would do in your situation though. I'd maybe start by pointing out that it's not acceptable to leave dirty nappies lying about and getting the cat groomed would make the place a lot easier to clean, then take it from there if things don't change. I mean they do desperately need a cleaner, so I guess it's a question of deciding what you're prepared to cope with.

I used to work as a cleaner for a older man and his son. The son was the worst hoarder I have ever seen. He moved in later and his bedroom was a converted garage. At first I tried to clear the floor, make the bed and pick up the rubbish but the next time I went it would be back to squalor.
The father had bowel issues which usually meant shit all over the loo, floor, towels and sheets. I didn't leave though as I felt sorry the Dad and didn't think he would be able to get another cleaner who would clean up that!
Kind of got used to it after a while.
The son not so much, I would climb over mountains of crap, make the bed then just shut the door.
I don't work there anymore, as one morning I came in to find the Dad dead in his bed!

I think if you want to drop her, you are well within your right to do so.

I’d be tempted to let her know that the current arrangement wasn’t working, it’s too much work to complete in one go. Say you’re willing to do X hours across Y numbers of days but unfortunately you can’t continue the current arrangement. you’re probably working to maximum capacity for the entire time your there just to get it done.

It does sound like this is a mental health issue though. Perhaps there’s a service for this

Not rtft, but not acceptable for cleaner, children or animal. Call social services, the family need help and that is one way to access the mental health support required, the parents need help and support but in nicest way that isn't from you.
Also call nspca, the cat shouldn't be left in that condition either.

What Echio said.

I think you need to be firm about boundaries. "Nappies go into a nappy bag which is put in the bin every single time. I am not going to continue to deal with them and they will be collected up and put on your bed: The same for pads. Also, I do not clean up bodily fluids. Your sanitary products need to go into sealed bags and into the dustbin. The cat needs to go the groomer and see a vet. Your DC's beds need changing at least weekly or whenever the bed wetter wets."

She's a dirty cow, however professional she may be

It’s not ADHD its child neglect.
Imagine having the means to have your children live in a pleasant, clean and safe environment and not even bothering to make sure they have proper sheeting for their beds, or ensuring they don’t live among urine pads and used nappies.
I hardly do this but they obviously need more support, at the very least. So please contact the school or ss or someone. You said family visited so they have guests, so not obvious it’s you.
It’s up to you who you take as a client, but I would not want to work for them.

I tidy up for my cleaner, so she can concentrate on cleaning. I'm not the tidiest/cleanest person by any means but that sounds awful to me. Especially the poor kids not having adequate bedding to sleep on, bless.

I don't know the answer. Have you a close enough relationship with her where you could bring this up in a discussion with her?

That sounds totally grim. I'd be out of there asap.

Also rereading I would tell her she needs to pay for 6 hours of services every week as toilets and sinks need a proper clean weekly.

I would be honest with her, say it worries you for the children to be living in these conditions, that you can help her keep up with cleaning but she needs to be cleaning between your visits and you can help her with a check list. You can also suggest you increase to weekly. Perhaps you could offer a laundry service for bedding taking it away and bringing it back the following week.

Realistically this may not change then you may need to quit but by trying you know you have done your best.

Social services.

We always make sure our place is clear for our cleaner so she can actually clean.