am I going mad? Has that nanny thread being deleted or did I dream it?

[Chequers]

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loads of posts are abusive .. and attack individuals

i mean ..they just are!

but most people don't complain about it i guess..

I guess 'abusive' is also in the eye of the beholder. But apparently several complained so surely it must have been a bit?

lennygrrl - because I get annoyed when people twist and misinterpret my words. Which you (among others) did, IMV.

Most MNers are intelligent. It doesn't make them saints, or thick-skinned, or even particularly nice.

i can't go back and read but mistress desiderata listed a few of the things said i think, earlier on in this thread

but as she routinely describes us all as cunts and is fairly free with her opinions generally i would be surprised if she complained about it to mnhq -- she doesn't seem the type to run to Miss

pagwatch scuse -- just realised you probably know her better than i do, i've just seen her around

I routinely call you all cunts? I think you must be referencing this to a thread last week in which I said 'you're all cunts' as a joke. I thought we'd all understood that, but obviously not.

Stuffitall, you obviously have a grievance with me too, but this type of sniping at another MNer is just not on.

And I have already stated that I did not report the thread. I was at work when the thread was deleted, so have no idea what else was said beyond 12 noon today. I am grateful to the people who did report it, however. Much as your last post illustrates, people can lose any sense of the truth when they take a dislike to someone.

Grievances should not be carried across threads.

Lol@calling us cunts

just for the record I didn't request the deletion either. I would have seen that as running away from the argument, which isn't in my nature (unless I am going out, or one of the children has fallen down the stairs or something)

I don't believe the original OP contained a personal attack. Just an attack on Desiderata's comments.

Subsequent posts then went on to talk about her generally, and her posting style and these were personal.

I think those individual posts should have been removed, but not the whole thread.

Am I the only one who doesn't think the original comment was that bad. Not helpful but it wasn't exactly 'you are terrible abusive parents and you shall all go to hell'.

If you are all so satisfied with your choices, why get so offended?

But then, I suppose if noone got offended at the little things then the huge fights that MN is renowned for would never happen.

Hey ho.

for the record I don't have a grievance with you and i don't know why you think that

what i said about the cunts thing was also in sarcastic jokey vein. .i've seen you do it three times.. sorry are you the only one allowed to bring it up?

my point was basically -- you give as good as you get, you will move from a debate to abuse, and i assume that because you do it you will not complain about others doing it

but there we are, think what you like

blimey

I disagree, I think the precise wording of the OP is irrelevant - the thread itself was a personal attack on one poster. And thoroughly unpleasant.

I really juicy thread about me was deleted and even worse before I got to read a word about it a few weeks ago. What a shame.

I'm never in favour of censorship but the freedom of people who run sites like this to delete what they choose trumps that.

On paternity that's true for women too - whatever the business you're in many of us just wouldn't want to risk being away from work relationships for too long and anyway it gives the baby any early chance to get used to its arrangements so going back fast can be all to the good for many of us fathers and mothers.

The labour plan is 6 months paternity leave (at the £112 rate) but they keep putting it off. It's not law yet.

stuffitlama
Don't 'know' anyone on this thread. Still relatively newish ( in a wandering around the party just hanging around and eaves dropping kind of way).
Actually new enough ( and sad enough) to be quite at the idea that people might think I know people.

If anyone used c**nts though I would def harumph and go back into the kitchen.

LOL Xenia, I reported that thread (as did many others) but that was much worse than anything that's happened today.

ACtually if everyone stopped getting offended at what other's thought of their 'choices' (unless it is very very offensive) surely we wouldn't have all this angst with the choices we make.

Life would be a veritible garden of Eden.

TO be happy stop giving a fuck what others think.

So endeth the lesson.

goodness pag

better not start palling up with me, have obviously offended someone big time

keep your options open

Armadillo, I agree Desi's comment wasn;t really bad, and thought it was something that could have been dealt with on thread, but that's not as fun as it

I disagree. The thread became mostly people saying that the thread wasn't in the spirit of MN, and then turned into a SAHM v WOHM debate.

Still - no point debating it because it's gone and no one can prove anything

You haven't offended me, Stuffit. But I do think that you are carrying some stuff over from a previous thread.

As usual, it takes a snouty-nosed mammal from South America to inject any sense to the debate.

call me party tart.

Any reasonable offers considered.

greensleeves - I didn;t see the thread in detail as I was at work. I saw your first comment and I've seen on here your repeast of your later qualification. the reason it was offensive is that in your original comment you equated having a nanny with a particular way of having a nanny. a way that is massively in the minority these days. I think it is a great shame that while in fact a particular form of childcare has evolved into something that suits many many families living a modern life it retains the same name - and prejudices - as something very different. feeding into that is not particularly helpful.

and, for the record, a live-in nanny is cheaper than 2 pre-school nursery places (though I acknowledge you need the space for one) and in my case a live out nanny was about £10 a week a month more expensive than two pre-school places with a child minder.

i didn't think i had carried anything over from anywhere

am off for ciggy