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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DD and DS to share twin room on holiday?

91 replies

piedbeauty · 16/07/2023 06:30

Currently on holiday. We spent five nights in hotels, then a week in a self catering house, then three more nights in a hotel before home. Dc - 15 and 18 - have been sharing a twin room (had their own rooms in the SC house).

I thought this would work, since they get on, and we'd just be in the rooms in the evening, but they're arguing.

AIBU to expect them to share? SHould I just have got a room each, never mind the expense? Or is this normal for the end of a holiday, when we're all fed up with each other and need our own space??

OP posts:
Original poster
piedbeauty · 16/07/2023 08:59

We just don’t have sex on holiday if we go with our dc. It’s what, a week / two weeks at most? We’ve been married over 15 years, we don’t care if it means we can stay somewhere smaller and save money etc

Well, that's you and your h, @Xrays, but we're all different. Our holiday is for dh and me too.

OP posts:
backinthebox · 16/07/2023 09:01

And yes to leaving them at home - with a list of jobs! A holiday should be fun for everyone, and if someone is dragging it down then a bit of education that they are not entitled to a holiday, it is a luxury, would perhaps help them appreciate what you are giving them. In fact, for future holidays you could perhaps ask for a contribution from the 18 yo - they might be happier to share when they find out how much having their own room costs!

Original poster
piedbeauty · 16/07/2023 09:01

Are they bickering, or is there issues and he's going into verbal abuse? Who is the under 16 and who is the adult? I was going to say that the solution is to share based on sex. Don't gloss over the nastiness.

He's younger. He just says things without engaging brain sometimes.

Believe me, I'm not glossing over anything. There are consequences.

OP posts:
MetalFences · 16/07/2023 09:04

We just don’t have sex on holiday if we go with our dc. It’s what, a week / two weeks at most? We’ve been married over 15 years, we don’t care if it means we can stay somewhere smaller and save money etc

That's a decision you have made though. The OP has booked two rooms. And in your scenario the OP could have saved even more money by booking a family room or staying in a tent.

I've been marred over twenty years and I want to have sex on holiday. It's my holiday as well as the teenagers holiday.

TheChosenTwo · 16/07/2023 09:06

For a night in a hotel mine would share but for anything longer we have our own self catering accommodation (always a villa on holiday) where they have their own rooms. Each of the older 2 don’t mind sharing with the littlest but he’s a boy and they are both older girls (19 and 17 so adults really), they just have their own rooms as everyone needs a bit of downtime and privacy.
If just makes everything nicer.

TheHolyGrailSpeaks · 16/07/2023 09:09

I have two DSs so slightly different but I think they are lucky having their own twin room and would no way book them separate rooms. They argue and bicker sometimes but I think it’s just them getting overtired.

Soontobe60 · 16/07/2023 09:11

goldcheese · 16/07/2023 06:34

They are teenagers, they need more privacy to get changed etc
Do they share a room at home?

They’re on holiday in a hotel room that presumably has a bathroom. One can get changed in there if they want privacy!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 16/07/2023 09:13

cariadlet · 16/07/2023 06:43

I wouldn't expect teenagers to share when they are different sexes. They need privacy at that age.

If you can't afford 3 separate rooms, then I would have daughter and mum in one room and dad and son in the other.

Not ideal but it was only for a few days.

this.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/07/2023 09:13

In this situation I share with DD and DH shares with DS. Unreasonable for an 18yr old IMO. So many on here state they wouldn’t share as an adult…

Tessabelle74 · 16/07/2023 09:17

We do boys in one room, girls in another as we have 2 of each. I wouldn't expect my 15 year old daughter to share with her 14 year old brother, it's a bit weird, I wouldn't do it at home so on holiday is no different.

Lamelie · 16/07/2023 09:19

cariadlet · 16/07/2023 06:43

I wouldn't expect teenagers to share when they are different sexes. They need privacy at that age.

If you can't afford 3 separate rooms, then I would have daughter and mum in one room and dad and son in the other.

Not ideal but it was only for a few days.

How ridiculous. Teenagers and older share. Mine have the nouse to understand money and will happily with occasional spats and moaning share.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 16/07/2023 09:21

16DD & 14DS always share, they think it’s fun.

We just got back from a weeks holiday where they shared a room, they had a blast, had a big pile of snacks in there and slept late every morning. Both got changed in the bathroom.

timetochangethename · 16/07/2023 09:22

I posted a thread about holidays with older teens. This is also an issue we have.

For one night trips away (weddings etc) they have to suck it up and share but for longer we often split into mum/daughter, dh/son as it just works best for us. It won't be forever, I can't imagine we'll have many more years of them coming with us. I would rather have a happy holiday for everyone with less arguing. It also gives them a break from each other.

JofraArchersFastestBall · 16/07/2023 09:22

I would happily share with a sibling as an adult, I shared with a sibling as a teenager (in a tent or caravan - none of this fancy cottage or hotel stuff!), and I will expect my children to share as long as they want to come on holiday with us. You're not asking them to share with strangers (something I expect they will happily do once they go off travelling or inter railing).

Yes, it takes a bit of maturity and adjustment, but shouldn't they be learning that as young adults anyway?

And fair play to the 'I don't care about having sex with my husband on holiday' crew. But not everyone feels like that, and you're entitled to some time alone on a holiday you have booked and paid for. As a side note, I wonder how many of the 'no sex on holiday' people also don't have sex at home either, in case their teenagers hear them?

TheBlinkOfAnEye · 16/07/2023 09:23

Mine do. Depends what's available when I book and the prices. They get changed in the bathroom or considerately stay out while the other gets dressed. We all sleep with doors open anyway.

Unclecornelius · 16/07/2023 09:27

Just tell your ds that if he doesn’t stop annoying his sister you’ll book her a room of her own and the cost will come from his future birthday and or Christmas gifts.

SnowdaySewday · 16/07/2023 09:28

You share with DD and DH shares with DS.
Drop them at the cinema or another activity that takes a couple of hours (that is somewhere they can’t get back from early without a lift).

I'm sure you and DH find something to occupy yourselves whilst they are out…

Oblomov23 · 16/07/2023 09:33

For a holiday, of course sharing is the norm. This shouldn't be a problem. They should know this, and I wouldn't tolerate arguing. My 2 ds's would know, to not even do it!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/07/2023 09:37

Surely at 18 they have the choice to (1) come on a free holiday and share a room with their brother or (2) stay home?

nobodygoesdowninthejungle · 16/07/2023 09:40

My children are younger so this might not be relevant but what I realised last year when teen DD and not quite teen DS shared a room was that it wasn't the room sharing as such which was an issue but the lack of time/space to herself that DD was really struggling with. Like all teens, she retreats to her room at home a fair amount. She's also regularly home alone for the odd hour or two and has the whole house to herself. She's also not with us (and we're not with each other) 24/7.
It helped when, for example, I'd say that I'd take DS out for an ice cream and she could stay in the room by herself or if DS was at a kid's club then I'd go down for a coffee.
I'm not sure what my plan will be when DS is less willing to do anything for the sake of an ice cream!

NotSorry · 16/07/2023 09:41

My dd is 25 and she shared with her db who is 20 when we camped last year. Neither minded - OP YANBU

Thunderisntnicebythebeach · 16/07/2023 09:43

Crumbs my dd 34 shares with a teen sibling or an 8yo db! Never been an issue. It's a holiday. Bunking up =more spends ime!!

Flatandhappy · 16/07/2023 09:45

Mine are 20 and 24 and will still share if it is a hotel, they are just grateful for the holiday. They are both at Uni and live at home and get on well. We always make sure they have their own en-suite and they change there. We often book a 2 bed Aparthotel so one could sleep on the sofa in the living room if they wanted to but when asked they say they are not fussed and they prefer the comfort of beds. If we are doing a villa type holiday we will get three beds, they know mixing it up makes it affordable and that their days of family holidays are numbered!

StillWantingADog · 16/07/2023 09:46

Mine moaned about sharing at home so we eventually sorted their own rooms

on holiday however they share and put up with it. We always pay extra to have a second bedroom, having a third would probably mean not going away at all and they know that.

Awrite · 16/07/2023 09:49

My two mixed sex teens share on holiday. In fact, sometimes we take my niece or nephew and they bunk in too. They loved it.

We usually stay sc so will have a lounge to aid privacy.

In hotels, we now share dd with me, ds with dh.

They definitely remember their holidays fondly.