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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be very disappointed in teen

109 replies

SoccerMum1 · 15/07/2023 22:17

Am I being reasonable here to be very disappointed in DS14 today, here's the back story

DS14 asked me this morning to fill his water bottle up, and put it into his kit bag for him, as he was off out to play football at a mates house. On opening his bag, I saw a load of fruit which he'd purchased.

I asked him where he'd got it all from, and what he was planning to do with it - he said they were gonna use it to play football with, and to hang in the nets and take shots / aim at, and practise kickups with - DS played this once before at the beginning of the year, and asked to play it again a few months ago which I told him off for, and told him to find another activity.

He said he'd purchased all the fruit yesterday (spend £20 on it) after school, and didn't tell me cause he knew i'd stop him from doing it again, he said it was his time and money, and he could do what he wanted, and that he enjoyed doing it (and I was being a kill joy) and then stormed off, taking his bag with him

Am I being reasonable for being overly disappointed in ds here?

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 16/07/2023 02:47

SageRosemary · 15/07/2023 22:26

In the words of my mother, "wilful waste makes woeful want"

I really am shocked by the responses here. I find this distasteful in the extreme in a time where every second thread on here is about the cost of living crisis and food banks. Couldn't he have used some garden cuttings instead and donated the money to charity.

Adults waste more food than that buying fruit, putting it in fruit bowls and watching it rot. 14 year old boys kicking a few pears around the park are not the root of the food waste problem in this country. You and your sanctimonious mother should go and have a word with your local supermarket about the thousands of kilos of fruit they bin regularly instead of donating to charity instead of acting like a 14 year old doing something a bit gasp thoughtless deserves the severe disappointment of his mother. That is if you actually care about this problem and don't just want to post smug quotes on the internet.

lookingforaholiday · 16/07/2023 05:50

He is spending money on a hobby that keeps him occupied and active. I could definitely think of way way worse things he could be doing!

Babsexxx · 16/07/2023 06:03

howling THIS ahahaha this is exactly what sprung to my mind or a good few bottles of white lightening! Haaa

PomTiddlyPomPom · 16/07/2023 06:15

Zanatdy · 15/07/2023 23:22

It’s really not. When there’s people who can’t afford to eat right now with high cost of mortgages and energy bills, watching a bunch of entitled teens kicking ten bells out of a loads of food is really shit. Of course COL crisis is relevant

Show quote history

So if he'd have done it before the COL crisis it would have been fine?
What about going shopping at tesco if a homeless person is sat outside? They will know you have food and a home to go back to....
There are many things that people buy that others can't afford, even before this shit show so that wouldn't factor in my decision making around what my teens can and can't do.
I wouldn't get worked up about this if he is using his own money, it's probably a passing fad (remember loom band hysteria!) and they will all laugh at how ridiculous they were in a couple of years!

LondonLovie · 16/07/2023 06:26

I thought you were going to say you found booze or fags. It's a bit silly but just let him get on with it, no worse than some crap teenagers spend their money on

Hibiscrubbed · 16/07/2023 07:04

SageRosemary · 15/07/2023 22:26

In the words of my mother, "wilful waste makes woeful want"

I really am shocked by the responses here. I find this distasteful in the extreme in a time where every second thread on here is about the cost of living crisis and food banks. Couldn't he have used some garden cuttings instead and donated the money to charity.

😂😂😂

Yellowlegobrick · 16/07/2023 07:10

I'd be disgusted at the utter waste, both of money & fruit. Not to mention the mess they'll leave behind that will attract rats.

My response would be to remove all pocket money until he'd learned the value of money.

TheHoover · 16/07/2023 07:16

You can’t police how kids spend their money. They will all ‘waste’ astronomical amounts of money at some point and in some capacity. Why is fruit such a waste and eg buying another football replica shirt that is very much not needed less of a ‘waste’?

Imposing your own value judgements on him is another matter. Did you have such a strong moral code at his age that meant that reducing waste was prioritised over having fun?

Be disappointed by all means but put it across mildly.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 16/07/2023 07:23

SageRosemary · 15/07/2023 22:26

In the words of my mother, "wilful waste makes woeful want"

I really am shocked by the responses here. I find this distasteful in the extreme in a time where every second thread on here is about the cost of living crisis and food banks. Couldn't he have used some garden cuttings instead and donated the money to charity.

😂😂

girlswillbegirls · 16/07/2023 07:23

smilesup · 16/07/2023 00:35

I think that falls into the boys will be boys bollocks that allows boys and then men be dicks forever. I have/have had 3 teenage boys none of them would have done this. It's wasteful and spoilt behaviour of a child with too much money and no respect for it.

Show quote history

I was thinking the same as you @smilesup
So sad.

LemonsOnTheMelons · 16/07/2023 07:26

His money, his fruit. He can and should do whatever he bloody likes with it.

Stop creating problems where there aren’t any.

FFSwhatisthis · 16/07/2023 08:02

LemonsOnTheMelons · 16/07/2023 07:26

His money, his fruit. He can and should do whatever he bloody likes with it.

Stop creating problems where there aren’t any.

@LemonsOnTheMelons

🙄🙄🙄🙄

There is a problem. This kid has no thought for people who can't feed their kids. What a completely wasteful thing to do with food while other kids go hungry.

kick a ball, donate the fruit to a food bank.

BibbleandSqwauk · 16/07/2023 08:42

I'd be most concerned about the fact that they will cover the place in bits of smashed up fruit leaving it unusable for anyone else. Realistically they are not going to go round at the end picking up all the chunks and mashed pulp are they? I'd be pretty annoyed of I turned up with my kids to play and it was a state

Popsicle42 · 16/07/2023 08:48

LillyBugg · 15/07/2023 22:39

I swear there were multiple threads about the same thing last year where the poster agonised over letting her child do this. It's a YouTube thing right? Hardly the end of the world.

I thought I was having deja vu because I’m sure I read this post almost word for word last year.

LemonsOnTheMelons · 16/07/2023 08:55

FFSwhatisthis · 16/07/2023 08:02

@LemonsOnTheMelons

🙄🙄🙄🙄

There is a problem. This kid has no thought for people who can't feed their kids. What a completely wasteful thing to do with food while other kids go hungry.

kick a ball, donate the fruit to a food bank.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous. Him buying this fruit isn’t stopping anyone else’s buying it.

Why should Billy not do what he wants with his money just because Janet down the road can’t afford to do X, Y or Z?

It’s not Billy’s problem Janet has no money, and Billy spending his money how he likes isn’t going to improve Janet’s situation. Only she can do that.

LemonsOnTheMelons · 16/07/2023 08:56

*anyone else buying fruit too

saoirse31 · 16/07/2023 09:30

I think tbh you've little to be worried about. He's using his own money, to enjoy a game with his friends, that is harming no one. He's an individual, he doesn't have to share your views on what's right or appropriate and this seems an immensely trivial issue to get upset over.

toomuchlaundry · 16/07/2023 09:39

Is it fine that people waste food?

LemonsOnTheMelons · 16/07/2023 09:51

toomuchlaundry · 16/07/2023 09:39

Is it fine that people waste food?

Yes. It’s their food to buy, they can do whatever they want with it. They’re not stopping anyone else buying it.

toomuchlaundry · 16/07/2023 09:52

@LemonsOnTheMelons so you don’t have a problem with food waste

BillyNoM8s · 16/07/2023 09:54

Zanatdy · 15/07/2023 23:22

It’s really not. When there’s people who can’t afford to eat right now with high cost of mortgages and energy bills, watching a bunch of entitled teens kicking ten bells out of a loads of food is really shit. Of course COL crisis is relevant

Show quote history

Yes, he's being a thoughtless teen and it wouldn't exactly fill me with pride - but that still doesn't make it relevant. Whether or not he smashes a melon, he wasn't buying one for anyone else and hasn't taken it from someone's fruit bowl. It's a waste of food and money and not something I'd encourage, but I wouldn't try and dress it up as an ethics lesson.

I don't see it as any more offensive than him wasting £20 in an arcade, really. Kids do stupid stuff.

I'd possibly query how much money I was giving him if he thought £20 on smashing fruit was a good investment. I'd also worry about the mess. It's inconsiderate to splatter food all over a public park (if that's where they're going).

LemonsOnTheMelons · 16/07/2023 09:55

toomuchlaundry · 16/07/2023 09:52

@LemonsOnTheMelons so you don’t have a problem with food waste

No. How many more ways do I need to say it? Confused

Food is plentiful. Johnny buying a chicken and then chucking it straight in the bin outside doesn’t stop Brenda also buying a chicken.

Brenda not being able to buy a chicken will be down to Brenda’s own finances, and that’s a problem she needs to fix. It isn’t changed by what anyone else is buying.

Brefugee · 16/07/2023 09:56

tell them to volunteer those hours they'd spend doing this volunteering at a food bank.
Wasting food is - no.

Lizzt2007 · 16/07/2023 10:06

Zanatdy · 15/07/2023 23:22

It’s really not. When there’s people who can’t afford to eat right now with high cost of mortgages and energy bills, watching a bunch of entitled teens kicking ten bells out of a loads of food is really shit. Of course COL crisis is relevant

Show quote history

So come halloween is no one allowed to carve pumpkins then ? Yes it would be shit for people struggling to see it, but we can't live our lives not doing things just because someone else might feel shit. People who can't afford a car feeling shit that others can, someone who can't buy a house feeling shit that others can, people who can't work feeling shit that others can, feeling shit because they can't afford a takeaway when others can, or a meal in a pub? you wouldn't expect anyone to stop doing those things because someone else might feel shit seeing it. see where that goes ?

Oliotya · 16/07/2023 10:07

Wasting food and leaving a huge mess. Absolutely unacceptable. I managed to get through my teenage years without being needlessly destructive.
Is it the end of the world? No. But I wouldn't be condoning it.