Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very disappointed in teen

109 replies

SoccerMum1 · 15/07/2023 22:17

Am I being reasonable here to be very disappointed in DS14 today, here's the back story

DS14 asked me this morning to fill his water bottle up, and put it into his kit bag for him, as he was off out to play football at a mates house. On opening his bag, I saw a load of fruit which he'd purchased.

I asked him where he'd got it all from, and what he was planning to do with it - he said they were gonna use it to play football with, and to hang in the nets and take shots / aim at, and practise kickups with - DS played this once before at the beginning of the year, and asked to play it again a few months ago which I told him off for, and told him to find another activity.

He said he'd purchased all the fruit yesterday (spend £20 on it) after school, and didn't tell me cause he knew i'd stop him from doing it again, he said it was his time and money, and he could do what he wanted, and that he enjoyed doing it (and I was being a kill joy) and then stormed off, taking his bag with him

Am I being reasonable for being overly disappointed in ds here?

OP posts:
girlswillbegirls · 15/07/2023 23:29

Lemonyyy · 15/07/2023 22:27

I can’t believe everyone has come on and literally just said “could be worse”. Yes I’d be upset with my kids wasting £20 of fruit, no matter who bought it, we waste so much food in this country it’s disgusting! I do expect my dc to be aware of what’s going on in the world around them.

@Lemonyyy I agree with you 100 per cent. Appalling responses here. I am speechless.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 15/07/2023 23:31

TeleTropes · 15/07/2023 23:28

It’s not food waste. It’s used, just not eaten.

Much better to use natural, biodegradable items for fun than create more plastic tat that will outlast our grandchildren. I bet most PPs don’t give a second thought to the vast amounts of plastic waste they generate daily but are concerned about a small amount of food “waste”.

Nothing is harmless in capitalism.

Well, you’d lose your bet as I’m very conscious about not being a generator of plastic waste. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Batalax · 15/07/2023 23:31

Bit wasteful but don’t go ape at him or he’ll try harder to hide things in future.

A calm “it’s your decision and your money you are wasting but these are the reason why I’d prefer you not to”

You have to get teens to do the things you want them to, because you persuade them that that’s what they want to do, as it’s the right thing to do.
If you have to lay down the law and subsequently punish them by the ages of 14/15, then you are fighting a losing battle.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/07/2023 23:35

I couldn't get worked up about this. I'm sure MNers were perfect little angels who never did any wrong and were always aware of what was going on in the world around them in the past

It's not going to be wasted. Wildlife will enjoy eating the splattered fruit I'm sure

xPissflapsx · 15/07/2023 23:36

FFSwhatisthis · 15/07/2023 23:09

@xPissflapsx

unfortunately it is 'a thing'

Show quote history

Oh, I'd never heard of it. Thanks for enlightening me.

TimeToMoveIt · 15/07/2023 23:39

It's bloody weird. I can't believe so many people think it's OK to buy £20 worth of fruit to just kick around.

girlswillbegirls · 15/07/2023 23:39

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 15/07/2023 23:31

Well, you’d lose your bet as I’m very conscious about not being a generator of plastic waste. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Show quote history

@TeleTropes it's all linked. People who hate the nonsense of a few entitled kids enjoying wasting food for the sake of it, also feel its wrong the overuse of plastic.
And I would say people turning a blind eye on their kids kicking food, (same food other people can't afford or struggle to buy) and make a mess in the park others will clean, I suspect its the same people who can't care less about microplastics, food poverty or any other social or environmental issue.

Zwellers · 15/07/2023 23:51

It's his money, he's bought the fruit, it's up to him what he does with it. At least he is getting as use out of it. Like no one on this thread ever has uneaten fruit that they throw away.

Zwellers · 15/07/2023 23:53

The free fruit in supermarkets would be a better choice though.

AndWordsWhen · 16/07/2023 00:03

It's not ideal, but in the grand scheme of things it's a pretty trivial problem. To be honest, if dh and I had ever found our son secretly buying fruit, we'd probably have struggled to keep a straight face while telling him off.

QuickWash · 16/07/2023 00:18

Where does he get his money from?

My teens wouldn't be wasting £20 as they know what that could go on.

Do you pay for everything he needs/wants. His phone? Deodorants and shampoos etc? Clubs, activities, transport, lifts? Clothes? Shoes? Cinema? Football?

If this is an allowance or comes from you, then I think it's very reasonable to have some say in his it's spent or to have limits in what you will buy, to help him to budget and prioritise for luxury items (of which fruit to kick about could be one).

If it's present money from relatives etc then a) it's finite b) you could have a conversation about how Aunt Nelly may feel when she thought she was helping to contribute to the new bike/board/jacket he wanted.

At 14 it's not money he's earned and for £20 to be disposable then he's already a bit off whack with what it could and should buy you.

Yes, I'd be disappointed at the food and financial waste. If I was ignored after explaining my reasons - especially as we are as a family helping support refugees locally who are particularly struggling with lack of fresh food stuffs - then I'd feel hurt that that hadn't been taken on board. If it was my ds, he'd be doing more food bank and refugee support work with me, but I know I'm unusual....

I do however have a couple of friends who are really struggling with their 14 yr olds at the moment - drugs, smoking, vaping, sexual exploitation, potentially criminal activity, school refusal, self harm etc. And if you have a relationship with your DS where he asks you to make him a drink, and you do it, and he's off out to be physically active with his mates in the park, then in many ways you're winning the teen lottery right now. I'd find a way to express that whilst trying to make headway with the food waste issue.

Could you compromise and make a plan for the autumn - no one worries about food waste when it's pumpkins....you could even ask for donations and set up a tarp and offer to have all his friends round to have an evening of it?

Runningslow · 16/07/2023 00:21

I’d be more annoyed at the mess they’d leave behind than the money tbh. It’s his money, but what gives home the right to mess up a park where other people msg want to play.

Alloveragain3 · 16/07/2023 00:29

Does anyone else want to know what fruit it is?
Such an odd thing to do and surely the fun is over within a few seconds?

Youdoyoubabe · 16/07/2023 00:32

I mean….. fruit grows on trees and falls off and rota in the ground…. It also ends up in the toilet if eaten….

it’s a pretty daft thing to do but not awful…

he should do a deal with a market trader to get the old stuff at eve of day.

smilesup · 16/07/2023 00:35

Madamecastafiore · 15/07/2023 22:27

Jesus, if this makes you very disappointed prepare for when they really really very very disappoint you, because they will. It's teenage boys. They're bellends basically. Just literally don't think, brain isn't capable of rational thought.

I think that falls into the boys will be boys bollocks that allows boys and then men be dicks forever. I have/have had 3 teenage boys none of them would have done this. It's wasteful and spoilt behaviour of a child with too much money and no respect for it.

Sweetchillidumplings · 16/07/2023 00:37

I thought you were going to say you found drugs in his bag. Please… get a grip😂

Iknowthis1 · 16/07/2023 00:40

Do they not have a football?

WhichEllie · 16/07/2023 00:49

Isn’t this your third thread about this? YABU for that. If you don’t approve of the way he’s spending the money you give him then stop giving him any.

Geppili · 16/07/2023 00:50

Pick your battles! I thought you were going to say you found some Ket.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 16/07/2023 00:57

This again?. Either someone has a thing for making up bullshit about kids playing football with fruit or its some weird new craze.

NumberTheory · 16/07/2023 01:03

Why do you want him not to do this?

Is it simply that you wouldn’t get anything out of it so therefore, as far you’re concerned, it’s a waste of money? Or is it some sort of food waste issue (in which case - is your household on the ball with all waste or is it that this particular thing is your personal bugbear)? Or is he causing damage when he does it? Or something else?

I don’t think most modern UK households follow are lifestyle where an anti-waste value would be reasonable. And simply being disappointed in him because he’s doing something you don’t want him to, for whatever reason, if you haven’t spent time living the values that drive that disappointment is unreasonable. But maybe you have some reason for being disappointed that you haven’t articulated here…

TiredMum30 · 16/07/2023 01:03

I've read this post before?

RantyAnty · 16/07/2023 01:07

It's bad and wasteful.

Does he ever do anything for anyone else or is it all about him?

Why are you filling up a 14 year old's water bottle? Are his hands broken?

Frozensun · 16/07/2023 01:33

Yes, it’s disappointing. Probably encourage a new hobby -suggest drugs, sex, crime. Yes, I’m being sarcastic, but you seem to have a good young lad. There’s so much worse stuff that plenty of other parents are confronted with. I don’t like food fights or cake smashes or whatever, but he’s not responsible for the economic climate - and, unless he’s buying the fruit shop out, he’s not depriving anyone else. He’s not making antisocial decisions. The next 7 years are going to be a roller coaster as he seeks independence, maybe look at how you support and foster that independence.

TimeToMoveIt · 16/07/2023 02:40

Just because he's not out there taking drugs are getting people pregnant doesn't mean it's an acceptable thing to do . I'm on my 3rd teen boy and none of them were out taking drugs and getting people pregnant and they weren't out kicking fruit around and making a mess like a bunch of melons either.

I'm not surprised that so many teens act like planks though after reading this thread and all the people thinking it's a perfectly fine thing to do 🙄