Will it really get even worse before it gets better? I’m already barely coping

[Drainedll]

I have a six week old DD and doing it entirely alone. I’m exhausted and scared about the future. I have some family support but nothing practical just an ear at the end of the phone. A friend breezily said today that I should cherish these few months as it all ‘ramps up’ when they can walk. I don’t know how I am going to manage as I need to work full time and will go back in 7 months. I hate my life so much.

Ahh I remember crying so so much when my daughter was 6 weeks old, it was SO hard.
I don't know why your 'friend' would say that- completely not what you want to hear.
My experience is completely the opposite... I hated the newborn stage with both my girls. The sleepless nights and never having time to yourself.
Every week got easier and easier. I would definitely prefer a walking toddler over a newborn. They can play at the park more easily, can move from place to place by themself and can keep themselves entertained. Also as they get older they understand more and it is amazing seeing their little personalities develop.
It gets soooo much better.

Your friend either has no children or has blocked out the misery and exhaustion of the first 4 months

And before anyone alerts me, yes I love my children, yes I cherished some moments -but my God the sleep deprivation was torture!

Mobile babies are much easier and predictable than newborns, and you are less scared that you are going to break them

My first was a dream, my second my god I could have left her outside a shop on many occasions. The sleep deprivation we both got with her nearly drove us demented.

It honestly will get easier I promise you. The first 4-5 months are the absolute worst if you get a bad sleeper or a high needs baby.

It gets better.
It does.
I found the toddling stage easier as dd didn’t sleep for longer than two hours at a time until then. Once I had regular proper sleep, things were far more manageable.
I didn’t cherish the first few months. I was sore, exhausted and overwhelmed.
Tell your friend to fuck off

I struggled indescribably when my second was tiny. She's 15 months now and walks absolutely everywhere and is into everything. She's non-stop and strong willed. I can confirm it's still a million times easier than when she was a little baby! Honestly a breeze in comparison. Ignore your friend with her insensitive'ramping up' comment. You have much easier and sunnier times ahead.

People say stupid things. I have a newborn and a 24mo. The toddler is easier because he can communicate his needs. And he sleeps.

I think you’re at peak tiredness at six weeks. So hard. In my experience it starts to get a bit easier from four months.

Ignore your friend. She’s wrong. 😄

6 to 12 weeks was terrible for me. Any sort of new-mum novelty had worn off, probably because I was waking every 2 hours to feed for 30 minutes and realising what a mission it was to go out for milk/nappies. DH had been back at work a month. I loved my NCT group but dear lord were we all a miserable bunch around that time! It does get better. I mean, he's 4 now and he sleeps for 11 hours! I don't need a changing bag! He can tell me what's wrong rather than crying! Hang in there OP. Some of us survived maternity leave rather than thriving in it.

They might still be hard work when they are older but it’s in a completely different way and it’s so much easier to deal with a child you can communicate with. Plus newborn babies have few redeeming qualities, whereas toddlers are heart meltingly adorable and hilariously funny so spending time with them can be a joy at times which I never found with new born babies! It will definitely get better so hang in there ❤️

My ds is 20 months and has just gone to sleep and he'll sleep through until 6 30 am. He also naps for 90 mins to 2 hours in the day and it is far easier than a newborn. Sure he can move about but he can also entertain himself for a few minutes. He's not crying from colic , feeding every 2 hours and then throwing it all back up, only sleeping on someone and only sleeping a few hours at a time. New borns are hard work but it does get easier.

Toddlers sleep and eat and can entertain themselves with their pals at toddler groups or can be plonked in front of the TV for half an hour. They come out of nursery chuffed with themselves armed with a painting they have done and give you a big sloppy kiss. Sure they are physically hard work and the tantrums can be something else, but personally I have found nothing more exhausting and overwhelming than the little baby stage. My NCT group were all miserable at 6 weeks post partum and we laugh about it now! It honestly gets easier and better. I’d take 10 toddlers over a baby any day!

I promise you it gets better, they can communicate with you more and it's so much more rewarding. For now, when it's feeling too much can you put your dd in a sling and go out for a walk? I found that a life saver. I could go to a cafe once she'd fallen asleep and be myself again for a bit.

Another one here who hated the newborn stage. 4 months was about the point when it started getting better, but up until then I honestly thought I'd made the biggest mistake ever and ruined my life.
Now I have two and they're the greatest joy in my life.
But would I do the newborn bit again? Hell no!

I cried for an hour when someone said to me "just wait till the toddler years, newborns are a piece of cake". I felt just like you - I wasn't coping with the sleep deprivation and had PND. I can categorically say that nothing has been harder than those first few months with my eldest. It absolutely gets easier, especially if you feel like it's super hard at the start. Personally, I would say to said friend "I know you meant well, but I'm really struggling and that comment made me feel like shit." She might refrain from similar.

I definitely found that stage quite hard. Particularly first time around.
It will not be this hard forever and your friend has spoken without really thinking of how you'll feel.
It will be ok.

I honestly think six weeks is the hardest time, the initial high has passed and you feel stuck in everyday monotonous hell.
I promise it does get better, just keep plodding (and it really did feel like plodding to me) and suddenly you will realise you have more sleep, more freedom, more smiles and more joy.

And if in doubt, eat chocolate.

I actually did leave mine outside a shop by accident one day. Good thing it was back in the dark ages.

It gets better really. Thing is at six weeks you’re getting nothing back, when she starts smiling and gurgling and interacting with you it all changes.

Oh the toddler stage is wonderful! Exhausting, but in a fun way. Nowhere near as relentless as looking after a young baby. Plus you get the reward of getting to know this funny little person with their own personality and sense of humour.

Hang in there x

Sometime after 3-4 weeks the ‘oh my god I have a little baby’ wears off and you realise just how bloody knackered you are. That’s also around the time you realise that you need to do this day in day out forever!!

However (and a big however) that day in day out bit does get a lot easier in my experience . I didn’t cherish the newborn bit with either of mine. With my first I was in bits, with my second I just grinned and bore it until things got better and they did get better.

Oh it all gets so much better xx they walk and talk and hug you and laugh with you, it all gets a lot more magical... 6 weeks is tough land, try to lean in to it - this was the only thing that helped me just accepting that I was going to be a zombie for a while

It gets better when you get more sleep. It gets better when they’re a bit more interactive.

are you ok? Are you getting out, seeing people, mum and baby groups, etc? Can you talk to your health visitor? Do you think you might be a bit depressed?

Oh honey no! This is genuinely as bad as it gets, my granny had 14 (yes 14!) children, she always told me that the first 8 weeks are just about surviving. After that you get to know your baby, you truly start to like not just love them, you'll be a little team, don't give up now, it's about to get so good...I promise

That's a load of b*cks. It gets much much easier when they can walk. She probably had one of those super chilled and content babies. Mine was p**ed of about his lack of being able to do his own thing and would just winge all the time. Walking just turned it all around.

9-18 months is my absolute favourite stage of both my boys. We decided to have DS2 when DS1 was 14/15 months old.

6 weeks in with your first is bloody hard work. Absolutely everything is new, constantly changing, no proper sleep... I could continue but you know this intimately at the moment.

Parenting is hard no matter the stage, but the early days are absolutely relentless. And whilst the challenge changes over time they generally get better at sleeping and more independent which gives you so much more flexibility.

Hang on in there OP, I think you'll find it gets easier as the weeks progress.

Mine are only 2 and a half and 10 months, but in my experience it gets easier pretty continuously.

You get more sleep, which is amazing. They get less frustrated (my younger one spent her life furious until she could crawl around after her big sister). They get easier to talk to and reason with, and more able to look after themselves. You start being able to have a proper (if sometimes a bit odd!) conversation with them!

Yes, every stage can have downsides, but I'd say nothing is as bad as that first bit of sleep deprivation.