Will it really get even worse before it gets better? I’m already barely coping

[Drainedll]

I have a six week old DD and doing it entirely alone. I’m exhausted and scared about the future. I have some family support but nothing practical just an ear at the end of the phone. A friend breezily said today that I should cherish these few months as it all ‘ramps up’ when they can walk. I don’t know how I am going to manage as I need to work full time and will go back in 7 months. I hate my life so much.

Ahh I honestly think it's so much better as time passes month by month. I hate newborns and small babies. The less naps they need and the more they do the better! Keep going I'm sure you're doing an amazing job - your friend needs to shut up 😘

OP, this may be controversial (it always is) but you can sleep train from about 6 months. You shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. It drastically helped us (my dd finally got enough sleep and wasn't crying all the time from being overtired) and it definitely helped me cope much better x

Why is your friend actively trying to distress you more? Yes it's true that children's sleep goes up and down and toddlers may not always sleep through (and a few continue to sleep poorly for a long time).... but the average toddler will sleep way better than the average newborn. When they sleep poorly it's usually a short lived bug or short phase so you don't have that week after week sleep deprivation of the newborn days. Goodness I really think you need to stop conversing with your "friend" for now.

Look ,I'll be honest.for me personally it's got alot harder. But my son has got addional needs. He's 3 and a half.
What they don't tell you is that you get stronger and more resilient.
Your doing great x

@Drainedll honestly op please start ignoring this kind of thing from your so called friend, it'll only make you feel worse. With dd I was on my knees with sleep deprivation and now that she's walking and toddling around everywhere she sleeps so much better! Everything feels better. She walks, it tires her out and she sleeps. Are you breastfeeding? If so please call the National breastfeeding helpline as many times as you need for a good rant or cry. You don't need a specific bf problem to call. If you are bf and tired or whatever they are interested. I will never forget phoning them on xmas eve last year, I honestly think the woman saved me, they really are good.

I agree with the other comments, at 10 months my baby is so much easier and happier than as a newborn. She just used to cry and cry, I couldn't put her down, she wanted to feed constantly and there was never a break. Up constantly through the night for 45 min feeding sessions...it was so so hard.

I completely agree that every month, every week even, things have got easier.

Maybe instead of saying rubbish like this to you, your friend could offer to take your baby for a walk for an hour to let you take a nap or have a bath.

It's very common for them not to be sleeping through when they start walking, but they will be sleeping a damn sight better than they were at 6 weeks, for a start they will have a concept of night time and most of their sleep will happen then. Sleep is honestly a rollercoaster and it gets better and worse again a lot of times in the first year because there are so many things to throw everything off course.

My DS sleeps through reliably now and he is two and a half. He has done for a little while. But we had a long time before this point where he sometimes would sleep through or he would only wake up once. When he was a newborn he would be cluster feeding from about 3-7am.

This is spot on.

It gets better! They start sleeping longer/more predictably and that makes a huuuuuge difference. Also both of mine shouted at me until they could walk and have been much happier since so, yes, you may need a bit more vigilance/baby proofing but it's definitely better than the relentlessness of newborn days.

Don't listen to your rubbish friend.

Ignore your friend. The newborn stage was rock bottom for me. I PROMISE it'll get easier, you just gotta hang in there. Personally for me it got easier at 3 months, then even easier at 6 months etc.

Your friend is a dick. The first six weeks were the worst. I found it got a little better at 8 weeks, then 12 weeks, and then enjoyable from 6 months. My son was a terrible sleeper but I never felt as bad as that first period. You’re really in the thick of it and it will 100% get better. Toddlerhood has been amazing, so fun, and even when sleep is bad it’s never like that newborn bit.

Obviously everyone's experience is different but with my first I found around the 6 week mark really really tough and would say most of my NCT friends did too. I personally found things got much easier around 3 months. The toddler age is difficult in other ways (ie can't pop them down for 2 seconds without them finding something dangerous to do!) but in my view noooo waaaay as hard as those first few months. Emotions everywhere, sleep deprivation, natural first time mum anxieties.... really tough. It'll get easier xx

Also just to add I really disliked the newborn stage, I had PND and couldn’t cope. Despite this I ended up wanting another child and am due to have my second in a month. I’m scared because I know it will likely be tough again, BUT I also know there is an end in sight and I’ll feel like myself again. It’s hard when you can’t imagine that or believe it ❤️ but it will happen x

At 6 weeks your hormones are still settling, your body is still recovering whilst getting no good deep sleep, and your brain is realising how relentless it has been and it can feel utterly hopeless and like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Some people have lots of practical support, a laid back baby, and love the newborn time. Just as many other people have little support, a needy baby and hate the newborn phase. Neither is wrong.

BUT

Very soon your DD will start smiling at you, and specifically you… then she’ll start laughing, and recognising you and responding to you. She’ll start babbling and cooing back to you. Mother Nature does it on purpose so that something happens within you that will give you a second wind. The fog will start to lift, and you will look back and realise how hard you have worked 24/7 for so many weeks.

In the meantime, break your days down and take it hour by hour, even 15 minute chunks on the hardest days. Get through each chunk and give yourself a pat on the back. Don’t think beyond the hour.

You can do this. It WILL get easier. And as a PP very eloquently advised: tell your “friend” to fuck off!

So sorry to hear your situ. Your mate is not very good is she.

Personally I founs the first 10weeks the worst. I wondered what the hell I did. The colic, silent reflux, crying non stop. Not having breakfast until 3pm!!!! And I have a husband!
Once my LO got over the 6 month mark things improved massively. A routine slowly formed and I got on top of things.

LO os now 20months and yes he is a handful as all toddlers are buuuuut a dream compared to the for at 12 weeks! It is easier to manage we have routine, he is potty training and weaning so all things giving me more time for me and him room to grow.

There will be challenges with every stage. But the newborn stage was a literal nightmare I was borserline depressed for a while.
I felt manic and overwhelmed at times but it got better.

Yes it will 100% get better.

Definitely gets easier don’t worry x

There's always something improving and something presenting a new challenge. The best strategy (I wish its hadn't taken me so long to realise this) is to get comfortable with that as soon as you can. Just focus on this day. Or even this moment. Can you cope with what's happening right now? If so, it's all ok. Don't even think about the future, because when it comes, you will manage. In the meantime, you'd just waste time worrying.

His I remember DS being 6 weeks and looking in the mirror whilst feeding him thinking this is what they did in Japan to prisoners of war!! Sleep deprivation. Little monsters. You can't wear them out at that age, toddlers are much more fun, you get so much back from them and you can wear them out!!

This is the hard bit. I promise it does get easier.

OP once they are walking they get really tired and sleep, so you can - it’ll be fine - when it’s hard just think you never have to repeat today - even though it is a bit Groundhog Day until they start interacting with you

My DD is 16 mo and has been walking independently for a few weeks now. She is astronomically easier than when she was 6 weeks old. There is no comparison!

For me it got better! It’s still heaps of work but now mines walking she’s way more fun too 😇

I feel for you, I HATED my life when my DD was 6 weeks old. Thought I'd made a huge mistake and regretted it all. I wrote a couple of posts on here looking for reassurance because I was struggling so much. She's now 3 months and things are feeling easier, she's smiling at me, starting to grab onto things and we're so close to hearing her first laugh. I've been told that things feel even better at 6 months and then again at 9 months, 12 months etc.
It's so hard at the moment and your life has changed drastically. You will slowly adjust to being a mum and things will feel easier sooner than you realise. She's still really tiny.
Hang in there OP, you are doing amazing. Things will get so much better and she will be your little best friend before you know it 💕

Imo newborn stage is the hardest. It will get better.

There's a reason why babies start to smile at about 6ish weeks. It's to stop you selling them on ebay.