Will it really get even worse before it gets better? I’m already barely coping

[Drainedll]

I have a six week old DD and doing it entirely alone. I’m exhausted and scared about the future. I have some family support but nothing practical just an ear at the end of the phone. A friend breezily said today that I should cherish these few months as it all ‘ramps up’ when they can walk. I don’t know how I am going to manage as I need to work full time and will go back in 7 months. I hate my life so much.

Oh I remember feeling the exact same way. Truthfully I absolutely hated the first 4 months of being a parent. I loved my daughter but I cried all the time and found it so difficult and overwhelming. As she got older and I understood her more and she started to smile and interact, it all started to change. The first 8-12 weeks really are horrendous. And sleep deprivation is torture

Your friend is totally wrong in my opinion. The older they get the easier in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, there’s always challenges and difficulties but there’s two big differences in my opinion between newborns and all other stages

1. I could not understand my newborn. She cried all the time and half the time I couldn’t work out why. That in itself was the most stressful thing for me

2. the older they get and the more they do, the more rewarding it gets. Even then learning to smile and laugh makes everything feel more worthwhile

my daughter is 16 months and at a truly chaotic toddler stage. She charges around, wants to say “hiya” to every stranger, hates being contained or stuck at home all day. It’s hard work but is still infinitely easier to me than a newborn, definitely much more fun and happier.

It all gets easier, but also, more rewarding

Maybe not now but consider going to a baby group (I know parents who started taking their kids at a couple of weeks old). For me it was an absolute game changer in my mindset as I could talk to other parents feeling exactly the same way.

In regards to the future when you return to work, I love being back at work, DD gets so much out of nursery and we’re both so happy to see each other at home time. It’s nice to have time to be focussed on something that isn’t a baby and have adult conversations, and it’s good for her to socialise, we’re both happy.

It will all get so much better and soon. You’re doing amazing 💕

Wow thank you. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to each post individually. Thank you for them all.

I am really overthinking everything tonight. Worried she won’t sleep until she’s 2 or something and I won’t be able to work. Worried I won’t cope with tantrums. Gosh it feels overwhelming.

Your friend is an arse. Some babies are really hard when they start walking, if they were sweet sleepy babies prior to that. Mine was a bored fretful monster who settled down hugely when he was able to explore on his own!

Christ, if I hadn’t had DH to do half of the hours awake during the night I would have me been seriously exhausted! The waking hours might be more effort when they can walk and crawl but the night walkenings are much less so you won’t be so sleep deprived.

It’s SOOOOOOO overwhelming! I have 3 and tbh those first few weeks with your first are dire. Well at least I thought so! It does get easier. Be gentle on yourself and honestly, go with the flow. Don’t set yourself high expectations - remember you’re still recovering yourself x

It 100% gets easier

Hang on in there 🥺❤️

Gosh, a six week old on your own? You're smashing it OP. It gets so so much better. Soon you'll get smiles, then giggles, then when they crawl mine both became easier overnight and they loved being on the move. The first time they walk is so special, and it's lovely when they give you a big grin and walk into your arms for a cuddle. Right now is about survival. Eat, drink loads of water, rest, sleep when you can, do housework only when you feel like it. This too shall pass and I'm in awe of you!

Now I preferred the babies because they only slept on me so it meant I could just eat cake, crumpet, drink tea, bf, do nothing 😬

Now they just rant (DS7 I’m looking at you)!

It’s all brand new OP and you’re doing it alone. Bound to be stressful but you sound amazing

Also I put the first nappy on back to front and the Dr commented 🤷‍♀️🤣

6 weeks was the peak of crying according my daughters paediatrician.

Honestly I think it gets easier from about 12 weeks, they start establishing themselves into a bit more predictable behaviour.

I'm sure you're doing an amazing job, babies are hard work.

I am mum of 3. With my first one was feeling exactly like you and was all by myself days and nights. It was very hard, the hardest time of my life. Took me 4 years to decide and have my second child because of those first few weeks. So from my experience every week was easier and every month deffinately was easier specially nights. Try to stay strong, try to sleep when ever baby is sleeping, dont worry about house, mess etc. Try to be positive and remember so many of us went through it and you will as well. Not good support from your friend and its deffinately not true what she told you. All the best 😊

OMG it gets so much easier! You really are at the very hardest time.

Your “friend” is a complete arse.

I HATE the new born stage! It’s awful and in my opinion it only gets better. I am a much better parent and can cope with tantrums when I have had a decent amount of sleep. The constant lack of sleep drove me crazy and I felt like a rubbish parent. Mentally I cope better with more sleep. I love the toddler stage.

God I found it MUCH easier when ds1 started walking. Babies are exhausting. Walking means you can go out to the park, garden, museum etc. It gets a bit more interesting. Ds1 is 3 now and sure there's toddler attitude to deal with but it's so much easier than when he was a baby. (Difficult baby). Ds2 is 6 months and he's a wee joy but he's going through the moany "I want to move but can't" stage and it's bloody draining. I can't wait for him to walk😅

With all 3 of mine I found the first couple of months incredibly hard. Once they were in a bit of a routine and they were smiling, gurgling, blowing raspberries, etc. it was much better. At the beginning it just feels relentless and exhausting. Much preferred the toddler stage!

It's normal and it gets so much better.

If it's any help, the second is a walk in the park! Just in case you have one.

Someone once told me that they were convinced babies were programmed to start smiling at six weeks or so as that’s around when you reach breaking point, and the smile is to prevent you from chucking them out of the window.

Hang in there, you’re doing great and it does get better.

Oh god no. I found first months hellish with feeding and lack of sleep and no routine. Past one was much easier

I think it depends on the person, the baby and the circumstances. I can’t imagine doing the newborn stage by myself, you’re doing incredibly!

I found the newborn phase quite easy but I hit a dark place at four months because my DS stopped sleeping and we went back into lockdown.

Second time around in again finding the newborn phase easy but dreading him hitting four months and / or stopping sleeping at any point. However, what I know second time around is that the cliche that it is all just a phase and will pass is completely true. There are ups and downs with parenthood just like with any journey and I promise you before long the good times will outweigh the hard times.

Someone once said to me ‘it doesn’t get any easier, it just gets more fun’ and I think that’s spot on. Once they start giving more back to you it’s so much more rewarding and the tricky times feel worthwhile.

That wasn't my experience at all. 6 weeks was actually my lowest point with my first. Things got gradually better after about 8 weeks and I really enjoyed mat leave by 4 months, and I had been totally stressed and miserable before.

Things which helped me:

A sling (DS hated the pram)
Co sleeping (not for everyone)
Accepting I couldn't put him down, and adjusting housework expectations accordingly
A dummy

Most importantly, going out to baby groups and the like. I found (and still find) staying in the house all day with little kids so hard. Going out and spending time with other mums was a lifesaver. Even going out by myself to parks and the zoo was so much better than spending the day inside.

You've got this! Honestly this phase is intense but short lived.

Everyone saying it’s better because sleep is better but my friend was saying imagine her walking AND me having no sleep. I don’t know how I would manage that? Is that not that common?

Your friend doesn’t like you much, does she?

@Drainedll My DS was a terrible sleeper but even he got better by the time he was walking. I don’t know anyone with a child of walking age who has worse sleep than a newborn. Also I genuinely think your body clock gets used to having less sleep / earlier starts. You may also find that going back to work is a nice break, although I know you probably can’t imagine that now!

Honestly it gets better. When I had my first I cried! A lot. Then it got much easier. With my 2nd I started a business whilst on maternity leave. But in the first six weeks I apologised to my eldest for being so overwhelmed and a crap mum.
The next time I felt terrible was when eldest was a teenager but even thar passed and she's a mostly lovely 21 year old. The good definitely out weighs the bad in the long run.

When you're in it, it feels like it goes on for ever but everything passes. Now I miss the beginning and would love a cuddle from a 6 month old who thinks you are their world.

6 weeks is a tricky time, you're still physically recovering and the reality starts to sink in. Personally I found the first few months the hardest, yes walking does bring different challenges but also lots of things are easier. If you feel like you're struggling a lot please reach out to your health visitor, there is support available.

I remember my Mil and SIL laughing at me when I was near in tears with exhaustion that if you think this is hard wait until they are walking. They are now in school and nothing was ever as hard as those first months. When they started to sleep and I got sleep, I could deal with anything. It gets better, honestly, hang in there.