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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my relative would stop harping on about portion sizes

556 replies

Averagesizedsalad · 14/07/2023 22:18

I have a relative who is doing my head in with their repeated "Oh I'm so teeny tiny, oh this is so much food however will i manage" dramas. I need to rant before I explode! Share with me your infuriating virtue signalling teeny tiny stories? Maybe I am just extra cranky because I am HUNGRY everytime I see them because I'm breastfeeding 🤷‍♀️

Said relatives recent examples:

  • When served a totally average sized salad for lunch, lamented "Oh this is so large, however will I have room for dinner later? I shall have to skip dinner, this salad will keep me full until morning" (I WISH I was joking, but alas I am not)
  • Recently cooked a meal of pasta for lunch, in which I could count the number of pasta pieces on one hand. Of course accompanied by "Oh what a large meal, I shan't want dinner later at all!" It equated to about 1 normal sized portion of pasta dish split between 2 people, so fair enough that might be considered a light lunch if you're expecting a big dinner later, but not so much food that you wouldn't need to eat later on!
  • Lamented that after having a normal sized slice of cake at a party that they were "Being sooooo naughty and would need to go on a big diet afterwards". It's a single slice of cake at a birthday party for goodness sake! You're not eating 1/4 of a cake everyday for dessert!

Obligatory: relative doesn't suffer from any health issues that might result in a small appetite blah blah blah. They are just insufferable and enjoy attention.

Thanks for listening to a hungry lactating mother complain after having about 10 curls (pieces? Squirls? What is the correct term here??) of pasta for "Lunch"

OP posts:
GwinGwyn · 17/07/2023 23:25

It’s Monty Python’s four Yorkshiremen… don’t play into it. Either don’t have her around for supper or else just ignore her performance.

NorthernSarcasticandDownrightFantastic · 17/07/2023 23:41

KissKissMollysLips · 15/07/2023 08:37

Ah yes, my nana is like this 😂 every time we go for a meal she will, without fail, ask the waiting staff how big the portion is “…because I only eat like a sparrow”. When they collect her plate at the end, she’ll say loudly “I’m sorry I couldn’t eat it all. It was FAR too much as I only eat like a sparrow”…yes, I think they heard you the first time.

She has, in recent times, upped her game by decreasing her appetite further to that of “a flea” 🙄

She has always commented negatively on the weight of all the women in the family.

Ah @KissKissMollysLips my Gran used to do this... my Dad once cheerfully, and loudly, said "a sparrow? You don't say.. half your body weight, EVERY SINGLE DAY?! WOW!"

😅

AnorLondo · 17/07/2023 23:52

TheBerry · 17/07/2023 19:07

Idk. I know many people who have a skewed idea of portion sizes i.e. they think a portion is small/reasonable when it’s actually quite large. These people also often complain that they can’t lose weight no matter what they do…

But, benefit of the doubt, if you really are serving small portions then yes she sounds insufferable and you ANBU.

There's always one.

How large should a portion size be before you think its acceptable to make passive aggressive comments?

Fraaahnces · 18/07/2023 00:31

My mum was anorexic and tried to pass on the MH issues. When she started harping at my toddlers, saying “Ooooh, you don’t want that, do you? Two minutes on the lips is a lifetime in the hips… remember girls….” And then “You should dress them in black/tie their hair up off their faces. It’s more slimming.” I finally cracked and said “Oh okay… I’ll just give them 100 fags a day and two liters of cheap Chardonnay, should I?” EVERY TIME.

Fraaahnces · 18/07/2023 00:32

Also, the “I can’t fit this in because I have such a tiny mouth”, comments would have me saying, “Really? Your personality screams otherwise.”

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 18/07/2023 00:34

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2023 22:49

Tell the gobshite to pack it in.

Exactly this 😁

StrangerYears · 18/07/2023 01:45

I work in an office filled with women like this (bar me and one other).
"Oh I must resist the thing someone has brought in to share. I will be like a house.
"How many calories are in that yoghurt?"
"I'm so naughty, I've taken a grape to eat later'
"when my husband is away, I don't eat as I only eat for his sake"

I never talk about what I am eating, so was taken aback when someone offered me cake and I took a miniscule piece. "Are you dieting?" Nope- I am just not a fan of cake.

Me and my mate call them 'the almond people'. Half an almond and they are full.

stacyvaron · 18/07/2023 04:14

Try my patented response, "mmm, sucks to be you" and let it go

DrSbaitso · 18/07/2023 05:41

GwinGwyn · 17/07/2023 23:25

It’s Monty Python’s four Yorkshiremen… don’t play into it. Either don’t have her around for supper or else just ignore her performance.

" 'Ad to lick road clean wi' tongue..."

"You licked the road? I just inhaled the smell of the wheat at 5am and I was stuffed all day!"

DangerousAlchemy · 18/07/2023 07:34

ZiriForEver · 15/07/2023 00:00

Just let the relative decide her portion size, call her over when plating stuff if necessary. No big deal.

Not everyone feels comfortable leaving food on a plate and no-one should have to eat more than they want - especially at home/self catering setup when leftovers which remained in the pan are not wasted.

Especially with the cake, I often want to taste it, and half the standard slice is ideal for that. At my workplace it is totally normal wish, and it is possible , just have a normal knife available.
Similarly, I can ask for half a glass of wine or small taster of other alcohol.

I suppose it helps that I'm not teeny tiny or dieting, or talking about teeny tiny dieting, I generally like food, I don't comment on other's portions and there is no performative intention/aspect in it.

@ZiriForEver sorry - you go to a restaurant & you'll order HALF A GLASS OF WINE?? 🤣🤣 this did make me laugh!

mangochops · 18/07/2023 07:41

Not everyone feels comfortable leaving food on a plate and no-one should have to eat more than they want - especially at home/self catering setup when leftovers which remained in the pan are not wasted

She can eat as little as she wants, thats not the issue here. The issue here is her judgemental running commentary on it which is clearly designed to make others feel uncomfortable about what they are eating. Its rude AF to try to shame others about the amounts they are eating. Literally noone cares if she eats a tiny amount and noone is pressuring her to eat more. It is her who is making this into a big vocal issue, noone else!

Coolmom81 · 18/07/2023 08:27

NancyJoan · 14/07/2023 22:20

My mum does this. I find it dementing. I often don’t eat dinner if I’ve had a ‘proper’ lunch, but I don’t feel the need to tell people about it.

Same! She will also feel the need to point out what she left because “she couldn’t finish it all” knowing that I’ve cleared my plate 🙄 I’m almost certain she wasn’t like this when I was growing up. think it must be an age thing, but glad to know it’s not just mine.

TommyNever · 18/07/2023 08:51

DangerousAlchemy · 18/07/2023 07:34

@ZiriForEver sorry - you go to a restaurant & you'll order HALF A GLASS OF WINE?? 🤣🤣 this did make me laugh!

Show quote history

Heh. Me, I'll occasionally order half a bottle but only if they're offering half bottles, and only if I'm dining alone. But even then I'd usually be happier with a whole bottle but feel slightly embarrassed with that much wine to myself in public (obviously doesn't bother me at all at home). 😊

funnelfan · 18/07/2023 08:54

My MIL keeps up a constant stream of comments about both her food and everyone else in the table, but only if she’s cooked it. At restaurants she’s fine. In her case it appears she has some form of anxiety around food (is very restricted in what she eats) and cooking for others really stresses her out. So we take her out to eat when we visit her and it’s a win all round.

ZiriForEver · 18/07/2023 10:05

DangerousAlchemy · 18/07/2023 07:34

@ZiriForEver sorry - you go to a restaurant & you'll order HALF A GLASS OF WINE?? 🤣🤣 this did make me laugh!

Show quote history

Sorry to disappoint you, but not in the restaurant.
I was talking about home/meeting with friends/party at work setup. (As was, at least partially, the OP).

I would love if restaurants were happy to accommodate my preference, but the communication about it would be too awkward to try.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/07/2023 10:41

I've personally found this performative tiny portions stuff seems very common in middle class/well to do women over 50 (I'm 61) I think some of it may come from comments from our youth , my 'posh' grandmother was a good cook but always did minuscule portions and was always slim I admit- whereas my 'working class' gran used to serve gigantic meals of varying quality and was always offering bags of crisps or biscuits between meals etc - she was always somewhat overweight too but as a kid I liked going there far more!! Can I just say I've yet to meet a bloke of any size- who does this kind of nonsense

DrSbaitso · 18/07/2023 10:52

Crikeyalmighty · 18/07/2023 10:41

I've personally found this performative tiny portions stuff seems very common in middle class/well to do women over 50 (I'm 61) I think some of it may come from comments from our youth , my 'posh' grandmother was a good cook but always did minuscule portions and was always slim I admit- whereas my 'working class' gran used to serve gigantic meals of varying quality and was always offering bags of crisps or biscuits between meals etc - she was always somewhat overweight too but as a kid I liked going there far more!! Can I just say I've yet to meet a bloke of any size- who does this kind of nonsense

I've never known a man to get performative over his portion sizes or another man's, but loads of them will comment on what a woman is eating.

Comedycook · 18/07/2023 11:07

I've never known a man to get performative over his portion sizes or another man's, but loads of them will comment on what a woman is eating

True and if a skinny woman eats a lot, they'll say how great it and how they love a woman who they can pig out on the sofa with. She's cool. If the woman is fat and eating a lot, they will see it entirely negatively.

phoenixrosehere · 18/07/2023 11:13

DrSbaitso · 18/07/2023 10:52

I've never known a man to get performative over his portion sizes or another man's, but loads of them will comment on what a woman is eating.

Show quote history

Agree. I have had FIL comment on me eating a takeaway (order of chips and garlic sauce) when we visit them when we have it only when visiting them and I don’t really eat them when at home. Never says anything about DH’s while also tucking into ours and has more than I do. I can’t win tbh.

TommyNever · 18/07/2023 11:16

Comedycook · 18/07/2023 11:07

I've never known a man to get performative over his portion sizes or another man's, but loads of them will comment on what a woman is eating

True and if a skinny woman eats a lot, they'll say how great it and how they love a woman who they can pig out on the sofa with. She's cool. If the woman is fat and eating a lot, they will see it entirely negatively.

No doubt some men do, but I would never dream of commenting on anyone's portion size. I enjoy my food and am "big-boned" myself, and certainly not going to pass judgment on others, regardless of their sex.

SlimPig · 18/07/2023 11:40

This shit pisses me off. Its so tiresome. I had a thread on it once, linked by a PP above.

My DH has lost a bit of weight recently and started this shit a bit, making me feel shamed for wanting to eat a proper amount. Mentioning he eats less than me. He may well do at an actual meal, but then he'll be up and down all night snacking on shit, so doesn't actually eat less than me. I told him to go fuck himself.

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/07/2023 12:41

My Dad will make a song and dance at times about how he doesn't eat much doesn't need much, couldn't eat 'that'.... whatever 'that' happens to be. If you offer him some he will profess to NEVER eat such FILTH, its always 'gross' and 'revolting' (meant in the sense it is excessively lavish, rich and sugary)....

But has drawers of chocolate biscuits hidden away (from who, he lives alone!) 'for his blood sugar' (nowt wrong with it that stopping 4 pints, half a bottle of wine and a couple of whiskies each night wouldn't fix)... and if you leave a cake or dessert in his fridge it WILL vanish.

If questioned he will claim he threw it away, but the collection of Gu ramekins is ever growing, and he has things in his fridge from the 1980s, he doesn't throw things away, ever!

He mostly prefers to comment on other peoples food but doesn't do it to me as we leave any time he starts that shit and he dislikes being abandoned more than he enjoys food policing.

DrSbaitso · 18/07/2023 12:51

he has things in his fridge from the 1980s

What??

AutumnCrow · 18/07/2023 13:31

DrSbaitso · 18/07/2023 12:51

he has things in his fridge from the 1980s

What??

I'm pretty sure I have a jar of chutney in the back of my fridge that's an antique.

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/07/2023 15:02

Theres a jar of Brinjal pickle with a 1986 date on it. There was a tin of something unidentifiable that had been in the cupboard since circa 1970, that got moved to a plate in the fridge when it started to leak... however we did manage to sneak that one out to the bin recently (if caught doing that he WILL get stuff out and put it back in there).

We try to remove such things but if caught there is often a fight - in trying to remove some gone off, fermented, fizzy orange juice, I got caught and the ridiculous old bastard downed the entire bloody pint of it... anyone else would have been ill for days, he was fine (pissed, but fine).

But this refusal to 'waste' anything is also how we know he consumes any outrageous desserts, chocolate etc left at his home (which we do on purpose so he will eat them or he tends to live on beer)... he cannot BEAR to throw anything out, he will eat things he does not like, as well as things that have gone off, in order to avoid throwing them out. Particularly if he thinks someone else might have enjoyed it of course!