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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish my relative would stop harping on about portion sizes

556 replies

Averagesizedsalad · 14/07/2023 22:18

I have a relative who is doing my head in with their repeated "Oh I'm so teeny tiny, oh this is so much food however will i manage" dramas. I need to rant before I explode! Share with me your infuriating virtue signalling teeny tiny stories? Maybe I am just extra cranky because I am HUNGRY everytime I see them because I'm breastfeeding 🤷‍♀️

Said relatives recent examples:

  • When served a totally average sized salad for lunch, lamented "Oh this is so large, however will I have room for dinner later? I shall have to skip dinner, this salad will keep me full until morning" (I WISH I was joking, but alas I am not)
  • Recently cooked a meal of pasta for lunch, in which I could count the number of pasta pieces on one hand. Of course accompanied by "Oh what a large meal, I shan't want dinner later at all!" It equated to about 1 normal sized portion of pasta dish split between 2 people, so fair enough that might be considered a light lunch if you're expecting a big dinner later, but not so much food that you wouldn't need to eat later on!
  • Lamented that after having a normal sized slice of cake at a party that they were "Being sooooo naughty and would need to go on a big diet afterwards". It's a single slice of cake at a birthday party for goodness sake! You're not eating 1/4 of a cake everyday for dessert!

Obligatory: relative doesn't suffer from any health issues that might result in a small appetite blah blah blah. They are just insufferable and enjoy attention.

Thanks for listening to a hungry lactating mother complain after having about 10 curls (pieces? Squirls? What is the correct term here??) of pasta for "Lunch"

OP posts:
nettie434 · 17/07/2023 18:02

LosingTheBelly · 17/07/2023 09:29

I am glad you dumped him @laceydoily

There have been more than a few times we have all gone away for a weekend etc and I have walked into my own bedroom to find my BF tucked away there eating frantically (sandwiches; chocolate bars; birthday cake) and she just asks me 'not to tell'.

She married him at 22 and we are both 50 now. A lifetime of that.

That is so sad. And it must take any enjoyment from eating away as she must be so stressed about being found out.

Zebedee55 · 17/07/2023 18:03

Got to admit, as I've got older, my appetite has shrunk a lot. If I go out for a meal, family, friends, or restaurant, I just ask for a small portion. I don't mention it after that - I just eat what I can manage.

Nothing more said.

I'm not a secret binger- I just can't eat a lot!😚

Jimbobwimbob · 17/07/2023 18:22

Ugh, I’ve had the same thing. “Gosh I really don’t need all of this food” when I had twice the portion size and was bloody starving breast feeding (and a size 8)
Just unnecessary and rude

80s · 17/07/2023 18:47

"Oh dear, does it make you gassy?"

Johnnybegood2 · 17/07/2023 18:49

Ah, I see you have an almond relative 🤣
Many a TikTok on this subject.

Lavellan · 17/07/2023 19:00

The youth call this "pick me" behaviour and I'm so happy someone found a name for it.

TheBerry · 17/07/2023 19:07

Idk. I know many people who have a skewed idea of portion sizes i.e. they think a portion is small/reasonable when it’s actually quite large. These people also often complain that they can’t lose weight no matter what they do…

But, benefit of the doubt, if you really are serving small portions then yes she sounds insufferable and you ANBU.

Gerrataere · 17/07/2023 19:24

TheBerry · 17/07/2023 19:07

Idk. I know many people who have a skewed idea of portion sizes i.e. they think a portion is small/reasonable when it’s actually quite large. These people also often complain that they can’t lose weight no matter what they do…

But, benefit of the doubt, if you really are serving small portions then yes she sounds insufferable and you ANBU.

This way of thinking is ‘skewed’ though. Unless eating a personal buffet every lunch and dinner time then I very much doubt the reason a person isn’t losing weight is simply mealtime portions. It’s usually due to snacking/too much sugar/fizzy drinks/not enough exercise to counter the intake. In fact, a decent portion of dinner should lead to being filled enough to avoid overeating in other ways. I love my dinners, but I’ve cut out all the other stuff in general. I have a takeaway once a week, carb heavy, and a few glasses of wine to go with it. I go to the gym and generally more active than I used to be. I’ve lost two stone and easily keeping it off by recognising that it’s not a plate of food that’s the issue, it’s simply not eating anytime boredom or similar is causing the itch.

Food is not an enemy. If you’re not hungry don’t eat, if you are then get your fill - whatever that is to you. There’s nothing more miserable than going hungry to make some sort of point to yourself or others around you.

DrSbaitso · 17/07/2023 19:26

TheBerry · 17/07/2023 19:07

Idk. I know many people who have a skewed idea of portion sizes i.e. they think a portion is small/reasonable when it’s actually quite large. These people also often complain that they can’t lose weight no matter what they do…

But, benefit of the doubt, if you really are serving small portions then yes she sounds insufferable and you ANBU.

It doesn't matter if a portion size is large. It's rude, obnoxious and socially stunted to ruin a meal by making people self conscious about eating and turning it into the Look How Much Less I Eat show.

phoenixrosehere · 17/07/2023 19:28

TheBerry · 17/07/2023 19:07

Idk. I know many people who have a skewed idea of portion sizes i.e. they think a portion is small/reasonable when it’s actually quite large. These people also often complain that they can’t lose weight no matter what they do…

But, benefit of the doubt, if you really are serving small portions then yes she sounds insufferable and you ANBU.

Agree.

I don’t think anyone should be talking or commenting about someone’s portion size while they’re eating regardless of size.

I grew up enough with family members commenting and questioning what was on my plate, the size of it, how can I eat xyz portion and then my size (always been a healthy weight) yet never did the same knowing how it feels to be criticised and critiqued. One of the reasons I don’t eat out with most of them.

Bunnycat101 · 17/07/2023 19:34

There is a mix. I think a lot of older people genuinely do lose their appetite and start to eat like a bird and there are people who are quite sensible across a day (eg small treats or smaller dinner if they have a massive lunch). But there are also some people who are extremely controlling around food and enjoy the feeling of it (and I guess might be borderline for orthorexia). I have relatives who are performance eaters and it is bloody annoying to be around as you feel uncomfortable eating anything.

Happyhappyday · 17/07/2023 19:45

My MIL does this around my completely average sized DC (DC is 4, 60th percentile weight, 7something height). “Oh that’s a lot of food for such a little person.” Did it when DC was 6 months old, babysat for her but cut her off after a quarter of an avocado because it seemed like “too much food.” Makes me so grumpy!

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 19:46

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/07/2023 21:39

Deep fried butter on a stick is real... apparently, but you'll need to go to the US, apparently State Fairs are where they can be found.

I've worked hard not to discuss what I will and won't eat - after years of being fat and food shamed by a 'ooh no one could EVER need to eat THAT much' mother and a 'you don't need to eat that, fatso' father - it is quite hard with ARFID and insulin dependent diabetes, but with a combination of not eating around such people, and a bit of practice I think I've got it cracked!

It is all very well saying 'no one cares what you do/don't eat' but then you read threads here where fat people are always referred to as 'guzzling' and 'stuffing' and 'cramming' whatever into their faces... rather than simply 'eating food'... It is quite clear quite a lot of people DO have a rather unhealthy interest in what I consume!

Age however has been a wonderful thing and a swift 'fuck off and mind your own business' does the trick usually - I am now of an age where I just don't give a shit, nor will I take any.

My mother was also a 'WE won't need to eat xyz/until next Christmas' type... and thus would follow all sorts of snarky comments when 6 hours later following a tiny salad, I did indeed need to eat something else.

I did sarcastically respond to a 'I eat like a sparrow' comment a few days back, as our garden sparrows are consuming an astonishing amount of seed... from someone who is generally quite annoying about food ('should you be eating that dressing on your salad?' ......grrrrr)

"Oh? You constantly graze on high fat seeds and meal worms... wow, is that a new trendy diet?'

Much spluttering and 'no well I mean I don't eat much'..

"Well, small birds eat an ENORMOUS amount of food to survive, several times their body weight each day, I wouldn't use that as a descriptor again, it is rather silly'...

They probably won't talk to me again. I probably won't care!

Show quote history

They probably won't talk to me again.

Win-win, eh? 😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 19:47

Averagesizedsalad · 15/07/2023 23:26

Oh I did forget to mention, on the odd occasion relative doesn't make a song and dance about how much food there is, they will instead make a song and dance about how large the pieces of food are for their tiny tiny mouth. It's bizarre!

So let's say they've been served, I don't know, a reasonable sized bowl of chicken stir fry and aren't commenting on the volume of food this time, they will instead lament:

"Oh this is yummy but look how large the peppers are! So big! I shall have to cut them into 1/256th sizes as I simply can't fit them in my mouth otherwise"

"This chicken is lovely, but I only have a small mouth you see. Silly me with my tiny mouth! I wish I could fit a whole piece of cubed chicken in my mouth in one go like you can with your big mouths!"

"Oh I bet you're sick of waiting for me to cut up all these noodles into smaller pieces, but I just couldn't fit them into my small mouth otherwise they're far too long!"

🤨

Offer to liquidise it for her. Grin

pinkyredrose · 17/07/2023 20:04

ReliantRobyn · 15/07/2023 16:53

It sounds like you could be normalising large portion sizes for yourself, this could pile on the pounds if left unchecked.

😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/07/2023 20:05

laceydoily · 17/07/2023 09:12

urgh, thats so awful.

I dated a guy really into the gym/fitness once, I am a regular gym goer too so thought we'd get on. On our 4th date we ended up in McDonalds because it was late and the only food place open we could find in the area. I ordered a small burger and he said "Should you be eating that?- its not great considering all your gym work". I dumped him immediately. I'm not being food policed by someone I barely know and I knew this would continue into our relationship and only get worse. This was like the second time in my entire life I've ever eaten at Mcdonalds, its not like I ate it for every damn meal. I didnt want to spend the rest of my life like your BF.

Show quote history

.I ordered a small burger and he said "Should you be eating that?- its not great considering all your gym work".

"You're right! after all that exercise I need more calories. Excuse me, miss - can I change that small burger order to a double cheeseburger and extra fries, please?"

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 20:08

@10HailMarys 🤣😭

ClaireD1986 · 17/07/2023 20:18

Hahaha your rant at the end gave me a good laugh!!

MsRosley · 17/07/2023 20:21

L'enfer, c'est les autres. Especially this autre.

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 20:37

Averagesizedsalad · 15/07/2023 23:26

Oh I did forget to mention, on the odd occasion relative doesn't make a song and dance about how much food there is, they will instead make a song and dance about how large the pieces of food are for their tiny tiny mouth. It's bizarre!

So let's say they've been served, I don't know, a reasonable sized bowl of chicken stir fry and aren't commenting on the volume of food this time, they will instead lament:

"Oh this is yummy but look how large the peppers are! So big! I shall have to cut them into 1/256th sizes as I simply can't fit them in my mouth otherwise"

"This chicken is lovely, but I only have a small mouth you see. Silly me with my tiny mouth! I wish I could fit a whole piece of cubed chicken in my mouth in one go like you can with your big mouths!"

"Oh I bet you're sick of waiting for me to cut up all these noodles into smaller pieces, but I just couldn't fit them into my small mouth otherwise they're far too long!"

🤨

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Squiggo · 17/07/2023 20:39

I just state that we don’t talk about diet fads in front of the children. Eat what you like and leave the rest but don’t harp on about it.

ZebraLyghts · 17/07/2023 21:37

A few years ago I was having lunch with others in the communal eating area (very open plan office) and a senior male colleague walked by, and commented loudly whilst grinning "you've got enough food there for two weeks, zebra!". All I had was a tub of salad! Absolute nob end. It was strange too because he was quite a serious, professional guy, not the sort you'd expect to make rude comments/say something with the intention of embarrassing someone. I was cringing for ages afterwards as I was overweight and trying to lose weight, I wish I'd told him to do one.

Met quite a few performative eaters though.
A work friend used to eat like a horse when it was just us girls around...she'd put away a large pizza with no problem (as did we all!) and was constantly hungry/thinking about food. But if any of our male colleagues were with us for lunch or dinner, she suddenly became someone who could only nibble on the edge of a salad...

Lunde · 17/07/2023 21:47

It's not an issue about the amounts it's the performance element. People like my mother who do this want to be universally acknowledged as the most virtuous person (in her view) in the room and make sure that everyone else knows that they are greedy pigs in comparison. It was a weird situation as she often tried to guilt trip people into eating stuff they didn't want

My mother was the master of this and eating out was often really unpleasant as everyone's food was commented on and disparaged to make her feel better.

  • every single starter was always declared "a meal in itself" no matter how small - for example a single slice of parma ham and a quarter of a slice of melon
  • criticism of food choices - "don't know how you can eat chips/cake/ potatoes/chocolate/ ice cream/ butter etc etc - so unhealthy"
  • people criticized for eating so much but apparently the chocolate Hobnobs she hid in her room didn't count
  • buying lots of desserts, then guilt tripping people into eating them, criticizing those that do and then congratulating herself (loudly) for her own restraint
  • Chinese - "oh don't order any starters for me - I couldn't possibly manage" - then "oh I could just have a little nibble as you all can't possibly manage all of this food" so that not everyone who'd ordered got any
  • She was very keen on "slender" meal replacement bars - basically chocolate flavoured crap - any would congratulate herself on "only" having a couple of them instead of lunch so she had "earned" a biscuit when I got home from school - yet they were around 200 calories each so a sandwich would have likely been less
  • There was a really odd time when staying in a hotel once where she pointed out everyone's "unhealthy" breakfast choices and especially toast with butter. Then one morning I had to go to get stuff from the car 20 minutes before we were due to meet and she was eating ... toast with butter on her own.
  • literally starving herself before any formal meal out - sometimes ruining meals out - twice she was carted to A&E from restaurants after fainting from low blood sugar (including my Uni graduation dinner)

It seemed to be a very disordered eating pattern and was really unhealthy. There was a lot of hidden food and eating yet she kept up the facade that she ate little. She was insanely jealous of her anorexic friend who was "so slim" yet had damaged her bones so badly that she broke her leg stepping off a kerb.

We did have sharp word when she tried to fat shame my dd for eating an ice cream "oh you'll get really fat eating that" ... DD was 3

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/07/2023 22:49

Who the hell is this person?

echt · 17/07/2023 23:05

This way of thinking is ‘skewed’ though. Unless eating a personal buffet every lunch and dinner time then I very much doubt the reason a person isn’t losing weight is simply mealtime portions

@TheBerry didn't say this and portion sizes do matter. When my late DH had heart surgery, part of the rehab was looking at portion sizes and the recommendation was to get to a charity shop and buy some pre-60s dinner plates then you'd have a reasonably-sized plate to arrange the recommended portions on. Also the guidance on portion sizes on the side of tins and packets is way smaller than most people eat.

While this anecdotal, it's based on clinical practice.