DH is going to find out about my CC debt isn’t he.

[Blueskyfordays]

PLEASE, PLEASE not a pile on.

I have £4K of CC debt, tbh I have no idea how I’ve even accumulated it over the years but here we are. Minimum payments are £150 a month, I pay off £200-£250 a month but it has a fairly high interest rate (about £80 a month interest charges) husband doesn’t know, we have separate bank accounts with my wages going into mine and his going into his. I just transfer him money for mortgage and bills.

I have never been on our mortgage, mainly because DH can easily afford the mortgage himself and this house was his before we married. We married a couple of years ago.

Mortgage now up for renewal, he said a couple of months ago he wanted to put me on the mortgage. I didn’t say anything, hoping he’d forget/ change his mind.

This morning, the new provider that he’s gone to a quote for rang him and he said he wanted to put his wife on the mortgage too and I had to give some details, name, DOB, job title, current salary etc.

Between us we earn £98k and we would be looking to take out a mortgage of £240,000.

The man on the phone thanked him for the details and said someone will be in touch.

Will they ask/ tell him about the debt? 😭😭 I know people will say I should have told him/ should tell him but I pay it every month, I’ve never missed a payment, it comes out of my wage and if I was spending £200 a month on clothes and shoes (I don’t!) I wouldn’t tell him, so long as I could afford it.

I was just hoping to get it all paid off in the next 2-3 years with him being none the wiser 😞

*spending money

Funny how that is never posted on threads when a man is doing the lying.

I hate debt, having scrabbled to get myself out of it. DH is less concerned and drives me mad when he pops stupid stuff on credit cards. But I wouldn't ever leave him over having debt, and he wouldn't leave me.

In your situation I would hope DH would see that you have actually managed your money, as you're paying the CC and will offer to pay off the £4k.

Unless you're a man.

I think YABU. You are lying to him to stop him making an informed decision on who he wants to share his life with. I wouldn't care about a debt so small but if that is a deal breaker for him, you must be honest.

In the same way addiction or cheating is a deal breaker for others. Imagine he was doing something he knew youd leave him for, but lied to you to keep you in the relationship ??

Its wrong. Tell him the truth and let him make his mind up.

We must accept the consequences of our actions and not lie to people in order to control them.

I disagree. If someone is lying there’s a reason and it’s nearly always because the person they’re lying to isn’t someone you can trust or rely on.

Unless you're a man

Yup.

Unless its changed, it used to be , when they did a credit search for the mortgage it will show up, even if fully paid up it will show for another 5 years.

As long as you’ve not missed a payment you will be fine. But if you are both earning nearly £100k a year and going for a small mortgage you must be doing some serious spending. Get a card transfer, look it up on the Martin Lewis money sight.

Do you have the same spending each month? Because if you don't, this is why you're getting into debt and finding it hard to save.

She isn't 'getting into debt'. This is debt she got into before they were married. The issue now is the repayments and interest. Which her dh might very well help her with, if only he knew about it.

But he doesn't know, because she has deliberately concealed it from him since the start of their relationship.

And he also doesn't know because, despite what some posters have insinuated, he evidently doesn't seek to know about or control her personal expenditure.

If he leaves over this then You can be glad you weren’t saddled with a 25 year debt with the bloke.

it’s a CC, your CC that you pay from your money. No need to explain ‘why’ to him.

Are you scared of him, @Blueskyfordays?

She said she had to add to debt to pay for wedding. I think if he has £80k saved and she is struggling woth paying off credit card finances aren't shared fairly. He must have way more spare money each month.

It is by me.

Again disagree.

4k debt on 95K joint salary isn't going to affect your mortgage. Especially if you have a 'good' credit rating.

At this point i'd just keep quiet and hope he doesn't find out.

She said she had to add to debt to pay for wedding.

Because she wasn't honest about her finances. If she'd said 'This is what I can afford to spend. How much do you want to spend, what budget shall we set?' they could have planned accordingly and there'd have been no need for her to get into more debt.

As far as her husband knew, she had it covered.

I am baffled at those suggesting OP continues to lie and keep secrets from her husband.

What sort of person hides things and tells untruths to the person they are meant to love and trust?

If you love your dh and want him to trust you, then you are going to have to come clean.

Ever heard of financial infidelity? A bit extreme to compare this to an affair, but the lying and deception about something serious, has no place in a what is meant to be a loving relationship.

If you are genuinely scared of your husband, then it doesn't sound like a relationship worth being in.

How can you? Its true and seen time and time again on here.

Despite attempts of posters to coax her into that to excuse her behaviour, she has clarified not.

Weird take. Liars lie because they are dishonest and lack accountability. It is nothing to do with anyone else, just who they are as people.

She can't not tell him because yesterday he gave all her details to either a broker or lender (can't tell which) and by next week they will be back on the phone asking about the 4k on a Barclaycard and whether this will be cleared before the new mortgage completes.

You think there’s never a scenario where lying is justified?

It wouldn’t be my position.

Transfer to a 0% card so all your payments reduce the lump sum.
If your DP has life insurance which is normally a mandatory for the lender then the debt would be paid in full upon death.
No need to worry about loosing your home.
Personally I'd not be happy if my spouse had not fully disclosed the debt they'd accrued.

You suggested fear. She's not in danger as far as we're aware.

OP hasn't said she's scared of her dh, only that she's scared he'd divorce her over the debt.

The chances of that will only increase if he finds out he's been lied to for so long, that he can't trust her, because what else will she have been lying about?