Ridiculously petty things that you can’t even say out loud

[TheSlowRush]

I’ll start.

This has been bugging me all day but I can’t say it out loud to anyone as it’s really not that bigger deal.

Parking is a huge issue where I live, not many people have ORP.

My elderly neighbour got rid of her car a few years ago, we are quite close and she has a driveway, so it was agreed that I could now park over her driveway meaning I am pretty much guaranteed a space right outside my house, rather than having to park halfway down the street.

My lodger has now begun using this space, she works from home a lot too so it’s there for days now sometimes. WAAAaa 🙈🙈.

I can say anything as I will sound like a selfish loon.

People who ask at a coffee shop, ‘can I get a…..’. Surely it’s ‘can I have a …..’?!
They’re not ‘getting anything’. They’re asking for something!

Grates my carrot!

Delivery people/Royal Mail workers/whoever comes to my front door who close the gate when the gate had been deliberately left open. Doesn’t make a massive difference to me now, but back when I had a pram it would have done. Manoeuvring around the pram in a tight hallway and path to open the gate, then manoeuvre back round the pram to push it out. Thoughtless ‘helpfulness’.

Now this might be a bit too petty, but guests (ok, ILs) who say they’ve done the washing up. I do a sizeable amount of the stuff at least 3 times a day, so the 4 cups and two plates you just did is not the washing up, it’s some washing up. If I were to do that in someone else’s house I’d downplay it, ‘oh I’ve just done that bit of washing up’, not overstate it. Appreciate this is very petty, and also a bit niche as everyone except me has a dishwasher.

No I do not want to share a starter or desert or try your food or you try mine. Everyone just eat their own food FFS.
And as for the waiter who brought o e desert and six spoons…just NO
i can never say this in real life. I live my friends but when we go for dinner I don’t want to share anything unless it is an actual sharing plate which I can just about tolerate.

Oh and while I’m at it that smug email sign off ‘I value working flexibly and I do not expect you to answer… blah blah’ Jesus who cares about your working hours? I’ll answer when I’m ready to.
Also ‘Can we do blah…’ when you are actually asking me to do it and similarly ‘Do you want to…’ or even worse ‘don’t you want to…?’
ALSO people who block up my calendar with their holiday dates. I don’t care! You are not that important.
…and breathe

DH - it’s chortle or chuckle, not chorkle! Please stop or I will have to kill you.

FIL- stop dislodging your dentures (clicking and. Sort of suction noise) and then sucking on them, the sound is absolutely revolting and make me heave.

MIL - I heard you the first time you told the story, and the second, I don’t need a third rendition back to bloody back. And why do you phone “for a chat” when you know we are coming to visit you and then phone us when we get home??? Sometimes I hear the same story 4 or 5 times in a day and it’s not even an interesting one the first time around! And woe betide us if SIL appears when we are there or we go through the whole rigmarole again multiple times.

Firstly, communication sign-offs: It's 'Kind regards,'... not Kind Regards. Or 'With thanks,' ... not With Thanks, or 'Yours faithfully,'... not Yours Faithfully. These are very short sentences and therefore only the first friggin word requires capitalisation!!

Secondly, American English spellings for example using 'z' instead of 's' such as 'authorization', 'realize' and 's' instead of 'c' such as offense and license. Turn on the bloody English spell-checker!

Gahhhhh!!!

Oh yes! The first 10 mins of a meeting going through the minutes from the last meeting only for the whole meeting to revolve around the action points and hardly any new topics have time to be discussed. Read the minutes beforehand and let us MOVE ON, FFS!

Stop mumbling. If you're too tired to open your mouth and talk properly, you should be at home in bed.

The thread is about things that you can’t say out loud

No idea what the neighbours forgot to buy, but I love the idea of this! Is it made of unicorn manure?

Sometimes they're so big you can't see round them. Can't avert your eyes because they take up entire field of vision.

People talking about their "passion". I understand the idea behind it but it makes me want to stuff my hands in my mouth before I start saying what I think.

This annoys me, too. It's like "could of" - so many people mindlessly repeating it without stopping to think.

Gormless tourists who stop and get a map out or gormless locals who chat on the phone at the edge of a zebra crossing. You stop in your car. They look away. You play cat and mouse a bit and then they notice you and at you witheringly for your "stupidity". What? But I don't say anything. I've left.
Also drivers who don't stop at zebra crossings. It's strict liability FFS. You're a taxi driver. I might say something.
All those little moped drivers like gnats buzzing around doing deliveries who don't GAF about road safety and who suddenly cut in front of you just when you move off in traffic. I don't say anything.

Just realised the driving ones aren't petty. I'll be off now.

Wait. Americans saying veeHicle. or 'erb tea. or fowest for forest. or rerf for roof. (maybe this is just Texas). I want to force them to repeat it correctly. Apart from that they're lovely.

No one should park on a dropped curve - it is offence and you will be fined

Yes this!!!

Also men's dirty hairy feet in flip-flops. Bleurgh.

Its a dropped kerb. Curb is a verb in UK English.

I’m in the could have/could’ve gang too. And WTF is rest bite?

Why do you, and your family, have to wave your arms up in the air on every single holiday photo on Facebook? God, it’s so irritating.

No they don't.

I assume they mean ericaceous compost but who knows?

The fact we're having another meeting in the first place.

With the planning meet, the premeet, the actual meet and the postmeet, there's no time to enact any decisions before we're back and you're expecting to see documented and quantified change.

Maybe his wife wants too.