To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

[daufhtercrusus]

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

She’s old enough to work out her own finances . She can always get a lodger.

Thank you for this thread @daufhtercrusus. It’s great entertainment. I’ll add another mind your own business.

It just means she's going from full time to part time 4 days a week

Mind tour own business. She is confident she can do it and has not asked for your help so if you keep interfering you will ruin the relationship. Just be clear that you cannot financially support her if it goes wrong and leave it at that. She is an adult.

@daufhtercrusus

In 32k maintenance would be approx £315 a month

Struggling to work out what the fuff this has to do with you.

OP, it's natural to worry.
Has your dd never lived alone before? Is this her first time facing running the house without support of a partner? If I managed, she will.
You mustn't try to take over, even if you think you know best. Let her find her own way.

But exactly because of the economic climate, moving would be much more expensive.
1100 for a 4 bed is not outrageous. There are box rooms in London shared houses going for more!

How long since youve bought a house OP? cause even 20 years ago when my mom and step dad bought their flat, it cost them 250k, and it is now valued at over 1M. So I think you might just be out of touch with what houses cost and what mortgage payments are like.

It’s not that bad. I would also get lodgers in for a little while to help with things.

HI OP.
I think your daughter has done pretty well. I mean what else can she get for less that £1100 a month? My rent is more that that for a 2 bedroom in NE England.

She is right that is good value for money. If she moves she might lose the low interest rate she will have previously locked in on her mortgage (all much higher now), plus solicitors costs, estate agent fees, and surveyor fees all are very expensive. It would be better to suggest renting out one of the rooms to a student or similar to help cover some of the mortgage.

You can’t possibly say it’s reasonable or risky without knowing her full monthly budget and income. I would suggest you support her to the absolute best you can, whatever that looks like. She sounds sensible to me and of course would like to stay in her home! It’s best for her and her child.. please don’t tell her you’re worried etc, just be her rock and tell her how brilliantly she’s doing and how wonderful her future will be. best of luck to her x

I'm sure you have concerns for your daughter, however, this is not your business to be meddling in, or assuming that you'll be asked for financial support. It's clear you don't know every detail of your daughter's finances so you can't be making assumptions about them.

OP the mortgage is actually fine on her salary. Bills would cost another £1k tops and she will have spends of £500. These figures are without maintaince and top up benefits. However childcare is expensive but you get 2 1/2 days support at 3. I think it's earlier if you are a single parent. She would be foolish to sell in a panic if she has a fixed mortgage. A two bed flat in my area is £1200 per month (not London or Surrey). Her house is a bargain.
The other thing to think about is her career. Giving up will impact her progression. I think 4 days sounds fab. It's good for her mental health too. I would just offer lots of support and if you are retired some child care if you can. My dad became my Manny at 63. He was fantastic at it.

That's less than you can rent a 3 bed house around here for! If she moves now, she'll end up paying over a thousand pounds in estate agents fees, stamp duty, moving costs and with interest rates so high I'd suspect she'll end up paying more for a smaller house. She's actually being very sensible and if needs be she can move later if she's struggling

I understand you are worried for her but it’s really none of your business. Right night she just needs your support. Presumably she has managed this mortgage up to now and understands her responsibilities. I don’t think her mortgage is particularly high and as it is fixed could be sensible for her to ride out the current cost of living increases where she is. As others have said she has an asset with a potential income stream - she can charge a lodger around £600 without having to declare for tax/effecting any other income. As you do not know her income or what child maintenance she will get you’re really not in a position to be judging her so negatively. I hope all goes well for you all x

Without knowing her income, we can't really tell whether it is doable or not. I mean, if she made similar to what he did, it sounds like it will take half her income, but if she has no other debts and budgets well, it is doable. Tons of people spend half their income on housing and do just fine.
You have helped her before? Was it one time? Was it really helping her, or was it helping him? There are so many factors that we don't know and some you don't know so it is really hard to tell.

Depending on whereabouts this is, I think 1100 a month for a 4 bed house is excellent value! Moving house is an expensive business, so absolutely don't push her into that, if she's happy to stay and confident she can make the mortgage. She can always rent out a room, too.

It does seem like a lot but have you looked at the rental market in your area? My mortgage is £500 (I live in a small 3 bed in N Ireland) and my nextdoor neighbours pay £795 for the same house but they are private renting. The rental market is mad at the moment and you never know if your going to get kicked out soon as it's not your house.

Hahahaha I love the comment about not paying more than £500 for housing. Wtf op.

I don't want to pay more than 20p for a loaf of bread. Do you think Tesco would still sell it to me if I said that? Er, no, they'd tell me to go without then.

Deciding a random out of date maximum that you'd pay for a 4 bed house is bizarre when it's not based on reality. I don't think you could get a room in a shared house (as in, your bedroom is yours but it's a shared kitchen, bathroom) for that in most of the country. When I was a student 15+years ago the shared flats were about £500 for a room, and they were in shit areas, sharing with randoms. How on earth do you think most people live these days op🙄

JFC I would kill for a £1100 mortgage! For a 4 bed! My god!

God, I wish I could get a 4 bed house for 1100 a month!! I pay 1000 a month mortgage for a 2 bed flat! If she's fixed until 2027, she's on a very good deal. She's in a better position than a lot of people and probably can afford it

There’s possibly a few things to consider. If they’ve only had the house a couple of years then there may not be any or much equity in it depending on how much of a deposit they took. So selling could lose them/her money. When my ex left out house was actually in negative equity. He walked and left me with the mortgage as if we tried to sell it then we would have had a debt at the end to split. It was my kids’ home so I kept and he found somewhere to rent. I had just taken on a part time job at the time as we were struggling on just his wage so I panicked. But, when I looked into tax credits at the time I realised my top up would be the equivalent to me working full time. At least for a year as I got back payment for some reason. Didn’t get help for mortgage though as you only get housing for rent. My mortgage was about £500 then. But with the tax credit too up, child benefit, his maintenance and my salary we managed. Actually, he has struggled ever since as the non resident parent with a minimum wage job. After a few years I was able to remortgage as if paid enough off loan to have equity and so that went down a bit as well. I also got free 2 year old nursery for 15 hours and then the 15 hours when the youngest turned 3 to go to preschool. I topped up for my part time hours and claimed this as childcare element for tax credits as well as wrap around for eldest. I also recently started claiming DLA for one child which gives an uplift in my tax credits as well since she had a diagnosis made that qualified. I’ve actually been better off on my own mostly as I don’t have his random over spending to deal with. My main issue now they’re older is that he doesn’t always pay maintenance and I’m not going through CSA as you can’t get blood from a stone and I know he is just getting into a bigger debt hole at the moment.

It will depend on your DD’s income and savings if she gets any UC help. I know quite a few single parents of one child who haven’t been eligible. Her mortgage does sound a lot but I’ve just got my new payment schedule for my 3 bed terraced up north that had gone down to £350 a month for the last few years on a fixed deal but will for up to £600 a month from next month. With the additional increases on fuel and utilities this is a big increase. If your DD’s mortgage deal is fixed now for a few years at least she has that safety net. It’s not a huge amount. I was looking at moving - to a 3 bed but with an extra toilet for example and a garden and the difference from my current property type is huge. Probably 3 times the price for a similar sized newer house in the same town. So that’ll remain a pipe dream.

I am sorry to say I agree with the PPs who say that you are out of touch on what nowadays constitutes a reasonable mortgage payment, etc. The housing market has changed, and many people now pay out easily near or over a 1000 pounds in rent or mortgage payments, including in the geographic area you describe (north of the Midlands). When her mortgage was awarded to her (you mention she was solely on the mortgage, not with her partner), they will have financially stress-tested her, based only on her income.

Furthermore, you have no idea of her financial situation - not truly in depth. You are not even aware of her actual salary, and whether there may have been an uplift to help with inflation. Also, 0.8 might be technically part-time, but it is not a massive drop in earnings vs. a 1.0 FTE job. The only thing you can urge her (perhaps even gift her?) is a session with a financial planner to ensure that she knows what she can and can't manage financially. I would also be clear to her by saying that although you support her in however she now moves forward, you sadly cannot give more than emotional support, and financial support will not be forthcoming. At least she will then know this for sure.

More than this, you really cannot do, and you shouldn't do, for your relationship's sake. My own parents have nearly caused a a break between us with their overbearing and completely outdated heavy-handed 'advise', so I would be very gentle in bringing your points across, and make sure not to overstep or use emotive (and manipulative) tactics, such as suggesting that she is acting irresponsibly, endangering your grandchild, etc., unless she does what you advise her to do. Unless she has been living under a rock, she is well aware of the cost of living crisis, and the cost of heating a home, etc., as well as her responsibilities to her own child.

Your daughter was able to save up and buy a house in this day and age - which is great going for a young person. She is now moving forward with forging a future for herself and her child, in a way she considers best. Give her some credit that she knows what she is doing.

I sympathise, because I do understand you are coming from a good place of genuine concern. However, in this case, I would suggest to step back a little, and rely on your daughter's own sense and awareness of today's housing market and her financial circumstances, in order to save yourself worry and anxiety, which will do you and her no favours in her situation.

Op we never stop worrying about our children but your daughter sounds like she has her head screwed on.
The mortgage and property were already in her name so she can obviously afford it. You mentioned that her mortgage is on a fixed deal. You cannot port a mortgage over to another property of a lower value so until her fix ends she is not in a position to downsize.

Ultimately though your daughter is an adult. She is not asking for your financial help and sounds like she is perfectly capable of balancing her own budget.
Be there for her as an emotional support but back off on the finances this is not on you.