Some people can only talk about themselves..

[Whatkindofuckeryisthis]

There’s two people at my work (office type job) who only seem capable of talking about themselves. They come to my door and say ‘how are you?’ Or ‘how is your son?’… I answer and they then proceed to talk about themselves. No matter what my reply was! I nod and join in and try and ask questions back and interject with things about me…. For example.. asked about my holiday then told me about when she went, everything they did there years ago and didn’t listen to anything I said, I tried to join in with ‘oh we went there’ or ‘we ate at this place’ and she just talked over me!

It’s the same every time she talks to me and also one other lady is the same! It’s so frustrating that I pretend I’m on the phone when they pass to avoid it!

Why are people so weird?! How do you deal with these interactions?

Ha! I need a guide dog for my mouth! I actually do that for other people but I just can't seem to do it 'from the inside'!

<Sigh> As long as we're trying our best, that's all we can do!

I remember as a young woman, telling my mum about a friend of mine who had just gone through a terrible experience and how hard it must have been for her. My mum's response? 'well I've had a terrible time too'

That's not allpeople, though, most people are genuinely interested in the lives of their actual friends and family. It's the people who have strong narcissistic traits that couldn't care less and don't want to talk about anything if it's not about them.

I'm not sure that's true tbh. I'm often really not that interested in other people's lives, if I'm brutally honest. I am genuinely interested in some people (either because I love/like them or because they have intrinsically interesting lives).

But a good third of the people in my life I'm frankly not naturally that interested in and I do also find a lot of other people's home/family trivia incredibly boring. If someone has travelled to Russia on their own I'm genuinely fascinated. If they've just had new carpets fitted I couldn't really give a tinker's cuss.

So I have to make a mental note to feign interest in their kitchen refurbishment progress or their wedding (weddings in particular I find really heart-stoppingly dull) or whether their kids are succeeding at learning to play the electric bass. It doesn't come naturally and sometimes I forget to ask. I'm not ND or a narcissist just a bit selfish (and very busy and know a lot of people).

But I've acquired enough social skill and experience over the years to know that this is part of the currency of life and I suck it up because I would be a bit of an arsehole if I didn't. So I fake it and it flows more or less naturally.

Excepting ND people I don't really understand why other people can't fake it too. It costs nothing to nudge yourself sometimes to stop and ask someone a pretend interested question.

When I was a 'green' young mother and going to playgroups not knowing anyone, I was invited by another mum to have coffee one morning. I'd already had a good dose of monologue from her, but accepted the invitation. She spent the whole time talking about herself, didn't ask a single question and looked annoyed and impatient whenever I tried to change the subject. I decided this relationship wasn't going anywhere!

But when I next saw her, she spent ages moaning to me about having been to someone's house where they'd talked about themselves all the time. Apparently it was very boring!! Who knew?

In my experience, the person is normally a narcissistic bully. I've been on the receiving end of this twice, in employment. They are not interested in you but as soon as they realise you are a threat, they overwhelm you.

If it'd been a friend, I'd have said (nicely) to 'can it'. But when it's your BOSS doing that could have 'negative consequences'. lol

Luckily she retired before I did so I had a few years' peace.

I have a friend who does this. The thing is, usually I don’t mind too much - I can sit and nod for up to an hour when things are normal.

Recently my Dad died, my Mum had cancer and we had another thing going on … and she still talked pretty much the whole time. This annoyed me more, partly because I have less in the tank to give other people.

I remember someone once saying that there is a social contract when you meet one other person - each person must be able to speak for at least a third of the time to have a nice time.

You could try letter/text/email to give them time and space to process what your saying. For some ND people any conversation can cause anxiety and that's amplified when there is confrontation. When I am feeling very anxious its hard to think clearly and be able to understand what's being said to me.

I much prefer answering via text. I can think about my answer and don't feel on the spot.
I remember at the start of our relationship, my dh and I had an argument over something stupid. I cannot argue at all because I just can't think quickly enough. I ended up just stood there with my hands over my ears saying stop. If we do have a disagreement, we end up texting because I can say what I want much more freely that way.