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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher gifts - ungrateful shit!

530 replies

Hufflemuff · 13/07/2023 09:23

More of a rant than a question to be fair!

I was listening to Heart radio this morning and they had a teacher on called "Mc Grammer" (a rapping teacher - cringe) who was discussing teacher gifts and "what not to buy"...

He said one of the worse gifts he ever got from a student was a Rock - because the pupil said "he rocked" (aww) and some Doritos because that was the pupils favourite crisps (bless). He also said mugs were mostly an unwanted present "there's only so many cups of tea you can drink" apparently.

He said in the past he's gotten an Arsenal shirt, Nando's gift sets and gift cards... He said you should get to know the teacher to find out what they like and buy them something personal to them.

AIBU to be totally pissed off by this mans arrogance. It was totally tone deaf during the middle of a cost of living crisis to suggest parents buy gift cards (the minimum of which is usually £10) and other expensive presents in order for it to be considered a worthwhile gift. The fact he poo-pooed that boys rock as "one of the worse" gifts, which admittedly you wouldn't put on your mantel piece but the sentiment was there. He didn't consider that the boys parents might not have the money to buy a 'real' gift but he still wanted to give him something.

Ah!!! I was so very cross. It was the expectation to get something as a certainty and even then, he might not have been satisfied with it.

I have teachers in the family and they are always happy to get anything at all, no matter what it is. I think he was a really bad representation of all those caring teachers and Heart did the profession a real disservice by having him on.

Rant over! Gah!

OP posts:
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5
Axelotl · 13/07/2023 11:17

He sounds like an arse!

An acquaintance of mine was similar, a primary school teacher who sounded off one time on good and bad gifts for teachers. Apparently candles are the worst, and wine the best, and besides, the teachers at her school would pool the gifts and take what they wanted rather than what they'd been given 😒 .

Personally I would not get someone wine unless I knew they wanted it!

V pleased when DC started 2ndry school. Any gifts given they decided and bought themselves and tended to only be for the teachers who had gone the extra mile.

LaMaG · 13/07/2023 11:18

I agree with you OP, he sounds like a twat. I hate that anyone feels pressure to buy a present for a teacher, they get paid so it's supposed to be a gift if you choose to do so, not some obligation. My kids class always do 1 voucher so everyone contributes what they want via revolut or online banking to a class rep. No one knows who gives 5 or 10 or more. I'm sure there are some who don't contribute but that's OK too. One year I didn't as I had a huge issue with that teacher and it would have been so disingenuous I just couldn't. But it is my choice at the end of the day.

I work in pre school now just a few years and I am blown away by the gifts I get. Sometimes they are little pictures by the kids sometimes very generous vouchers but all appreciated. I spent many years in other industries working my butt off for no thanks even when i went out on a limb to help clients and colleagues, and it is so wonderful to be acknowledged. It makes me wonder why we don't do it for other professions! My point is a teacher or anyone who receives any kind of thank you gift should be respectful of it and grateful

Whatswrongwiththat · 13/07/2023 11:20

wonkylegs · 13/07/2023 11:14

I think that some parents in DSs class definitely go overkill and last year the collection for a 'class gift' was very pressured and highlighted frequently on the class what's app group and a note home with the kids who still hadn't contributed (minimum of £10) and only allowed those that had to put names on the card which I felt was very mean especially in a very mixed class. Thankfully this year the lady who organised it has other commitments and nobody else has stepped up.
DS is giving a copy of his favourite book for the class bookshelf & a handmade card telling her why he chose it. Hopefully the book mad teacher will appreciate it.

We also had this! The person collecting the money said she'd only sign the card from those who had contributed. I found it so bad that the ones who didn't contribute were singled out like that. Surely you'd just write "From class X" on the card?

But at least we didn't have the multiple reminders and minimum of £10, I mean WTF is wrong with people.

AngelAurora · 13/07/2023 11:20

Don't buy them anything, they get paid to teach, end of.

nearlyemptynes · 13/07/2023 11:23

I was a teacher for 20 years. In my experience and I don't want to be sexist the most ungrateful are the young, male, childless teachers. One used to smash all the mugs he got and use them in the bottom of plant pots. Another literally would open stuff when the children went home and was like want that, dont want that, dont want that. Generally women teachers are much more appreciative and the best presents are those with meaning especially from challenging kids.

ChickenBurgers · 13/07/2023 11:23

He’d of been fuming with me as a child, my mum one year forgot to buy a present so it was a late night dash to the petrol station with my step dad to get some flowers the night before the last day.

I proudly presented my teacher with said flowers the next day and proudly told her we brought them from a petrol station the night before. Yeah sure it wasn’t the most sentimental gift, but the thought was still there, she could have just as easily sent me with nothing when she realised!

That teacher sounds awful.

Salamander91 · 13/07/2023 11:24

I hate the pressure of teacher presents so I don't usually buy them. My kids wanted to get something this year so I let them pick what they wanted. One chose a dairy milk, one chose cupcakes and the other a massive Swiss roll 😂hopefully the teachers appreciated that the children picked them themselves lol

Wookey100 · 13/07/2023 11:25

I’m a teacher and generally I’d say home made or a ‘token’ is best and chocolates and generic mugs are a total waste of money. Especially something with Best Ever Teacher written on it that was clearly a last minute, panic purchase from the supermarket tills, especially if you’ve spent the year slagging off the teacher and school! Really - you don’t need to buy anything and it’s certainly not a competition so no need to bother if you’re only doing it because ‘Johnny’s mum bought her something’”. Best present I ever had were a tiny Xmas tree decoration (a santa made from a clothes peg). And booze. Obvs…..

RosesAndHellebores · 13/07/2023 11:25

When the dc were at primary the class collection took off. Club together, JL voucher and the teacher could buy something nice. Then some parents started to complain that £3 extrapolated to £90 quid and it was an unacceptable perk. :( It saved everyone spending a fiver on a card and bit of tat imo.).

DD has just finished her second year of teaching at a very challenging school. In the last weeks, as her 16 year olds have finished, she has had some truly lovely cards (and chocolates) from a handful of parents with whom she has been in touch regularly this year, largely due to behaviour issues. Their appreciation has been really touching and it has motivated her no end. It wasn't about the gift at all.

dearJayne · 13/07/2023 11:26

I used to make home made jam and jar it up with some biscuits and crackers but I read on here that it likely would all go in the bin because no one likes home made stuff so I don't bother anymore.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 11:26

Againstmachine · 13/07/2023 11:15

Why is it if you disagree with something you are bitter, Not bitter at all.

It's cringe worthy as it's not needed and it's not even about teachers it's about people making themselves feel better.

Show quote history

I don't agree, but I understand people refusing to give a present because "they don't get a gift at work themselves". But cringe?

HOW is giving a thank you gift making someone feel better about themselves?

willWillSmithsmith · 13/07/2023 11:26

AngelAurora · 13/07/2023 11:20

Don't buy them anything, they get paid to teach, end of.

I was in a supermarket recently and there was this whole area full of Thank You cards and I thought, what’s that all for? then realised it was for teachers. It’s just another excuse for consumerism and I’d put money on it being created in the first place by card companies. It’s nonsense. A verbal thank you for being a great teacher to my child should be more than sufficient.

Wookey100 · 13/07/2023 11:27

And please note the poor grammar ‘best present …were…’ - it was going to be plural but I couldn’t think of another one 😂

carduelis · 13/07/2023 11:27

I think it’s worth bearing in mind with the argument that teachers shouldn’t get gifts just for doing their job that most teachers do an awful lot of unpaid work - because, even without being a selfless martyr to the cause of education, you just kind of have to in order to do the job properly.

That said, I can’t really understand blanket gift-giving. I wouldn’t give a teacher who barely knew my kids by the end of the year a present; one who had gone the extra mile - given them extra help at break times, or supported them when they were struggling with something, or inspired them to love a particular subject - would be more deserving.

PaperLanterns · 13/07/2023 11:28

Cucucucu · 13/07/2023 11:15

I love giving gifts to the teacher but I don't believe your atitude is nice either , it’s should not even expected , so why are you defending this idiot if a man ?
Most people have hard professions and they don’t get gifts .

Show quote history

I’m not defending him. Your post makes no sense.

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 11:29

Then some parents started to complain that £3 extrapolated to £90 quid and it was an unacceptable perk

These people would faint if they knew how much collections tend to raise 😂.
It's easily calculated, no minimum, no maximum, time by 30 or 31 kids.

NotAllPets · 13/07/2023 11:30

Mariposista · 13/07/2023 09:41

'World's best teacher' memorabilia of ANY kind is naff and unwanted - just don't bother!
You can get the teacher something thoughtful without spending a lot of money, or team up with a couple of the child's friends. COL is a factor - but hard to believe when the same parent claiming COL for being a cheapskate is going on quite a nice holiday this summer (case in my daughter's class).

God, you’re the sort of parent I’m dreading when my kids go to school.

The other parent you’re discussing doesn’t need an excuse as to why they’re being what you consider a ‘cheapskate’. They don’t need to tell you how they can afford to go on holiday.

Its none of your business.

Sodullincomparison · 13/07/2023 11:31

I get a mountain of gifts each year and have had to say to the school community “no more gifts please”

one family get me expensive anti wrinkle cream every time though. Cheers!

Billyhero · 13/07/2023 11:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NotAllPets · 13/07/2023 11:31

dearJayne · 13/07/2023 11:26

I used to make home made jam and jar it up with some biscuits and crackers but I read on here that it likely would all go in the bin because no one likes home made stuff so I don't bother anymore.

This is lovely and if someone have it to me (although I’m not a teacher) I would treasure it and enjoy! Home made things are so much better as gifts sometimes than bought stuff. People on here are ridiculous, please ignore and continue!

wholivesondrurylane · 13/07/2023 11:32

willWillSmithsmith · 13/07/2023 11:26

I was in a supermarket recently and there was this whole area full of Thank You cards and I thought, what’s that all for? then realised it was for teachers. It’s just another excuse for consumerism and I’d put money on it being created in the first place by card companies. It’s nonsense. A verbal thank you for being a great teacher to my child should be more than sufficient.

Show quote history

to you. So what?

You do you. If I want to give a thank you gift to my cleaner, and a thank you gift to my kids teacher, who are you to tell me it's not necessary?
If my kid want to buy a present for someone who spent 6 hours a day, 5 days a week with them, and has helped them, what is it to you?

You are going to moan about my bonus at work too, because some people don't get bonuses?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 13/07/2023 11:34

Coolhwip · 13/07/2023 09:25

Difficult to say if YANBU having not heard him, but I’d imagine some parents might welcome the guidance on what not to get.

We never got our teachers gifts in the 90s.

I guess this is a fairly new trend. Certainly never did this at school in the 70s/80s either. People would have laughed at the suggestion.

twilightcafe · 13/07/2023 11:34

Don't buy them anything.
Sorted.

Surely a card or hand-written note from the child will suffice.
Teachers must have more than enough mugs, wine, chocolates etc

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2023 11:34

I wouldn't let my child over the age of 5 think a rock is acceptable as a gift I'm afraid 🤣

I have been a teacher and a parent and I think gift cards from the whole class is a best idea, parents contribute what they can, whether that's 50p or £50

Nicknacky · 13/07/2023 11:36

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/07/2023 11:34

I wouldn't let my child over the age of 5 think a rock is acceptable as a gift I'm afraid 🤣

I have been a teacher and a parent and I think gift cards from the whole class is a best idea, parents contribute what they can, whether that's 50p or £50

Why isn’t is acceptable? The child has put the thought into it themselves. Surely that’s the point of the gift