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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL left DC home alone

95 replies

Homealoneokornot · 12/07/2023 21:13

My MIL left DC age 8 home alone today while she went out in her car on a completely non-essential errand (she was looking after DC while DH & me were working 70 miles away). There was no reason why she couldn’t have taken DC with her, and she didn’t tell us she’d done this. DC told us later, I verified with MIL whose justification was ‘they said they’d be fine alone in the house and I was only gone for 15 mins’ (the place she went to is definitely further than a 15 min round drive, so I’m guessing she was out for more like 30 mins).

Now I know the chances of something having happened to DC in the time she was away was slim and that yes, DC was fine, however we’ve never left them alone before and think they are too young. DC also didn’t have a phone so no way of contacting anyone if MIL hadn’t come back when expected.

I’m aghast that MIL though this was ok but I need some perspective please. AIBU to be really bloody annoyed about this?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/07/2023 21:14

I’d be livid, and I’d be finding alternative care.

Mumof4plusbonus · 12/07/2023 21:15

As above! He would never be left there again. Who leaves an 8yr old alone!

LizHoney · 12/07/2023 21:15

Yep, no question. Don't trust her again.

velvetstars · 12/07/2023 21:18

Christ, YANBU. The lack of judgement would make me worry what else she thinks is ok when looking after your DC.

Equalitea · 12/07/2023 21:19

I’d be livid and wouldn’t ask her to babysit again.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 12/07/2023 21:23

What if she'd had an accident or a medical episode! Beggars belief that in this day and age someone would think that acceptable, fair enough nip next door to borrow a splash of milk etc but don't take an extended journey to run an errand.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/07/2023 21:24

Nope. It'd be the last time she minded him. How utterly irresponsible for a start, let alone the fact she didn't even check in to see if you or dh would be OK with it.

Mum2jenny · 12/07/2023 21:26

Never again leave him with your MIL ever!

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 12/07/2023 21:26

Yanbu.

I'd be absolutely livid and she would not have sole charge again.

As for 'they said they'd be fine'. They're 8!! They're not old enough to make that decision.

What would they have done if there was a power cut? (would they have panicked thinking they'd done something wrong to cause itans were going to be in trouble?) or the smoke alarm had gone off? Or someone came to the door? Or they hurt themselves, not by being silly but an actual everyday accident - slipped down the stairs or tripped over or cut themselves?

Would they have 100% known what to do? I doubt it.

She's been incredibly reckless. I wouldn't be able to trust her judgement sfter that.

Pkhsvd · 12/07/2023 21:28

I’d be fuming; that was not her decision to make

SoSadForCav · 12/07/2023 21:28

I wouldn't leave someone else's 8 year home alone unless I knew they were fine about it & even as a grandparent I wouldn't, I'd take the 8 year old with me, even if they didn't want to come.

if it was my mum id just ask her not to do it again.

peachgreen · 12/07/2023 21:29

I’m pretty easy-going and that would have me apoplectic and she would never have my child alone again.

Curledupwithabook · 12/07/2023 21:29

Wow, I'm pretty chilled but that's shocking. More worrying as well that she thought it was appropriate to ask an 8 year old for their opinion on something like this! Unless there's a relevant back story (such as, being from a culture where it was normal to be independent/look after siblings that age AND she had mistakenly thought DC was already spending time home alone) I would say that she's not safe to look after children. Not malicious, but not safe in her judgement.

TheBeesKnee · 12/07/2023 21:30

Yanbu. My mum used to leave me home alone when I was 7+ and I remember being scared, confused, thinking I'd been abandoned; I had no sense of time so couldn't tell you if I was left for 15 minutes or 2 hours. It was horrible. It has stayed with me my entire life.

Tontostitis · 12/07/2023 21:31

Meh I'd be a bit annoyed but 15 minutes really isn't long. Driving would annoy me though but a quick.pop to the shop whilst he watched TV isnt the end of the world ive gad longer showers. It would have me saying I think he's still too young please don't do it again.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 12/07/2023 21:32

When I was that age I would be left alone, so she may just be doing what was acceptable when she had children. I would not though have left my own children alone at that age. Things change and I would consider her reaction. Having said that I would try to avoid leaving my child with her again.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 12/07/2023 21:35

TheBeesKnee · 12/07/2023 21:30

Yanbu. My mum used to leave me home alone when I was 7+ and I remember being scared, confused, thinking I'd been abandoned; I had no sense of time so couldn't tell you if I was left for 15 minutes or 2 hours. It was horrible. It has stayed with me my entire life.

Yes, I remember being adamant I wanted to stay home at about 10 when DPs went food shopping. They didn't really want to leave me but I convinced them I would be fine and just watch TV.

I then spent the entire time they were out sitting staring out the front window hoping they came back soon and jumping at every creak I heard.

My almost 7 yo panicked about where I was the other day when I said 'I'm just going outside to get x from the shed' and was gone for about 4 minutes during which I was in full view of the window. Come back in 'muuuummm! Where were you!? I was scaaareeed!'

Beezknees · 12/07/2023 21:35

YANBU. I'd be furious.

PoachedDregs · 12/07/2023 21:37

I would be absolutely furious. The blatant neglect plus the fact she didn't tell you. Presumably if DCs hadn't, she never would have. Awful, I'd be telling her she's not having them again.

HauntedPencil · 12/07/2023 21:39

Oooft that's not good at all.

Guineapigwoes · 12/07/2023 21:41

That would be the end of babysitting. What did DH say?

rubyslippers · 12/07/2023 21:43

I bet she’s done it before
thats so bad
and she didn’t tell you so she knows she’s in the wrong
so sorry - I’d be fuming

Hunkydory99 · 12/07/2023 21:43

Totally agree I’d be livid. Not only out of concern that anything could have happened to DC but what if MIL had had an accident whilst out and was gone an indeterminate amount of time? Poor decision on her part.

NuffSaidSam · 12/07/2023 21:45

YANBU. This is not acceptable.

I'm not even necessarily against leaving an eight year old at home for brief periods, but definitely not in these circumstances.

Rewis · 12/07/2023 21:46

While I do think leaving an 8yo home alone for a short period of time is ok (I'm not from UK and to me it is normal). But it is not OK to do if the parents are not OK with it and if the kid has never been home alone then it is not upto the grandparents to decide on that.