MIL left DC home alone

[Homealoneokornot]

My MIL left DC age 8 home alone today while she went out in her car on a completely non-essential errand (she was looking after DC while DH & me were working 70 miles away). There was no reason why she couldn’t have taken DC with her, and she didn’t tell us she’d done this. DC told us later, I verified with MIL whose justification was ‘they said they’d be fine alone in the house and I was only gone for 15 mins’ (the place she went to is definitely further than a 15 min round drive, so I’m guessing she was out for more like 30 mins).

Now I know the chances of something having happened to DC in the time she was away was slim and that yes, DC was fine, however we’ve never left them alone before and think they are too young. DC also didn’t have a phone so no way of contacting anyone if MIL hadn’t come back when expected.

I’m aghast that MIL though this was ok but I need some perspective please. AIBU to be really bloody annoyed about this?

I never get this argument. Surely to God if MIL has a car accident you'd not want your child in the car with them too?!

Beyond that, I've left my 8yo home alone for short periods but obviously that is not a grandparent's call to make, I'd be furious too.

Well she's not babysitting again then is she. What a stupid lapse of judgement.

I think livid is way too over the top. Just say you prefer they wouldn't leave your child. No drama.

As someone said above people have longer showers. Most 8 year olds would be absolutely fine. Those who aren't are maybe a little too sheltered.

Yeah, I think an 8 year old would be ok, especially if left with a phone and numbers. Unless they are unusually timid or immature or the place is unusually dangerous (crack den next door or something).

Never would I leave my 8 Yr old GC alone.
I'm shocked she done this.

I opened this expecting her to have gone to the corner shop, 5 minutes away. I’m a bit shocked that she left your 8yo for so long and went so far.

@Homealoneokornot
I would thank MIL for services rendered and effective today, I would not use her services again.

No need to create unnecessary friction in your family. It is obvious that she has faulty judgment. Her intentions may not have been bad, but her judgement is danger

It was wrong of her to do this, but it will be wrong of you to put your daughter in that situation again.

I actually find it sad that people arent bringing up their children in a way that they cant be left at home for half an hour aged 8. In other countries 8 year old travel to school on public transport on their own.

Depends on if you think those places are doing it right.

Dont leave them with her again

Sad to say quite a lot of people on a thread I was reading on MN about NSPCC recommendations were saying they would leave under 10s alone for considerably more than 30 mins. I tend to feel anyone at. primary school age shouldn’t be left alone, esp not by someone babysitting

I wouldn’t leave anyones kids at 8, that feels so young. My mum did with me but I don’t think it’s great.

how is your child now, how do they feel about it? I hope they weren’t too scared.

my big no HELL NO here is that if you & DH don’t do this already (because he’s only EIGHT so why would you) then poor kid wouldn’t have had the ‘what to do if’ training, at least in the 80s / 90s we all knew about how to use the landline to call 999, I’m assuming she didn’t do this or even leave him with a mobile, or what to do if someone knocks on the door etc, it’s not great.

I wouldn’t do this with my step children until my husband and his ex are already in a routine of it & even then I’d have to run it past them first it’s just common decency, I’d like confirmation before I just assumed they’re ok with that when in my care. From any parent who’s child I’m responsible for, I’d never over-step like this

This.

The point is she didn’t need to go - it was non essential.

Different generation. In 70s and 80s this would have been normal or the kids would have been out and about doing their own thing in the day anyway.

Those saying find alternative care is pathetic. Just tell her you don’t like it . And that’s it . Problem solved .

That’s absolutely unforgivable. I would never trust her again. It’s absolutely not her decision to make without checking with you first.
I wonder what other risks she takes with your child that you aren’t aware of?!

Just no.

Your mil should have asked you and your dh what you wanted about taking your child with her or leaving him at home. She obviously is putting her own needs and activities first rather than looking after you child. Time to find better childcare.

Also a cultural thing. In Japan kids are home alone and out and about walking to school and friends from about 6. I think it is ok. Kids need to be told ya know how to call 999 or neighbours. Don’t cook with gas, all that useful stuff to try to prolong their young lives.

That’s a judgement for the parent to make, not for someone else to decide for them. Why didn’t she ask first?
You can’t be reckless with someone else’s child.

Oh, she normally would be fine. She wasn't paying attention when I told her where I was going. She answered, and I thought she was listening, but she wasn't.

My badly made point was that she was scared when she thought she was alone. I can see an 8yr old being equally scared being left for 30mins, that's quite a long time and plenty long enough to work themselves into a state.

I would just tell her that you think that's too young for your particular child and that it mustn't happen again. The age differs by country and by generation, so I would just request this and see what she says. I don't think it's the worst thing I've ever heard although I would leave the child with a mobile/landline number and practice using it. By 10, just before secondary, my girls were going into town by themselves on the bus, at 8 running to the local corner shop, also playing out, so I'm not sure that's incredibly different.

That would be the last time they looked afte them alone. If they thought this was fine and to tell you then they will do worse.

But a car accident could just be a prang where the MIL gets held up for a couple of hours or a flat tyre - doesn’t have to be anything catastrophic but that would mean an 8 year old was left home alone for far longer than intended with the parents 70 miles away so they wouldn’t even be able to dash home. The main point is that it’s not the grandmother’s decision to make, if she needed to run a solo errand that day she should have to.d the parents in advance so they could have sorted something else out.

I'm so sorry that you went through this. I was treated in a similar way by my mother. It was horrible, and if I cried, or let her see that I was upset, I was punished. So I learned not to show it.

Please don't leave your DC with your MIL.