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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being bossed around by colleagues

97 replies

Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:29

It's happened to me a couple of times and I've realised I'm some sort of easy target, but I need to stop it happening. Would be interested in hearing any tips.
I'm a very non confrontational person and find it hard, but for instance yesterday it happened again, from somebody who isn't my superior, and I've been there for 2 years versus her 2 months.
She tried to do it again and I said in a non-threatening way 'That's ok, I know what to do, I've been here 2 years now haven't I?' to our client.
She just said 'ok'.
I try to do the same back, not in a rude way but I'll try to ask them to do things in the same way they're asking me.
It's not that they're simply asking me for help. It's stating obvious things as if I have no idea what to do or have never done them before.
Like we will arrive at client Xs house and she will say, "You can start to undress Mrs Smith."
Well obviously, that's the whole point of us being here.
Or, she will say to me "Did you make sure that Mr S had all his medication.?"
No, I thought I just wouldn't give him any tonight.
It's like every shift is your first.
I'm really not comfortable with bossing people around.
But I've figured it must be something in my personality or body language that gives off an easy target vibe. A lot of people seem to wish they were management when they aren't and think they can practice on colleagues.
It's making me want to move further and further away from people.
Would really appreciate any tips in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:30

Obviously we would never have discussions in front of clients, I'm wondering if I should speak to my manager about the issue?

OP posts:
noglow · 12/07/2023 06:34

I try to do the same back, not in a rude way but I'll try to ask them to do things in the same way they're asking me. why if you don't like it?

Also this: Did you make sure that Mr S had all his medication is it not normal to check? In mine of work we are checking each other's work all the time. It's not personal there are critical functions that can't be missed.

Oysterbabe · 12/07/2023 06:34

I think questions like "Did you make sure that Mr S had all his medication?" are pretty normal chat about the job. Do you think you might be oversensitive?

Pawpatrolsucks · 12/07/2023 06:35

You could just not respond to her, but you really need to say something to her. Be firm. If that doesn’t work go to the manager and complain.

Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:35

Because I'm trying to be more assertive.
It's not normal to constantly check I feel, however it's not just that, it's giving me orders as if I don't know what to do, and have never done it before. Like 'go and do that.'

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:36

I don't think I'm oversensitive, the medication one might not be the best example, but it's more like we'll get to someone's door and she'll say 'you need to take the key out of the key safe and open it.' well I'm not going to break the door down.
Or it'll just be things like 'You can go and do that now.' I don't need to be told, go and do anything.

OP posts:
ChubbyMorticia · 12/07/2023 06:38

“Yes, I’m aware. I’m not new.” - that would probably be my knee jerk response

Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:38

Also, there has to be a level of trust and constantly asking someone if they have done everything when they have done it many times before implies a lack of trust. Obviously, occasionally people do make mistakes but I don't need to be constantly instructed and reminded of everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:39

I've tried that one too, but it almost seems to encourage them.

OP posts:
RoseBucket · 12/07/2023 06:41

Those examples in your opening post don’t seem unreasonable?

Length of time in a job doesn’t always mean better, I’ve worked with people who I’ve wondered how they’ve got away with it for so long.

If the colleague is patronising you though def raise it with them first.

Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:45

I'm not insinuating I'm better. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I don't need to be instructed on every thing, it's just really not necessary. Imagine working in a pub and every time a customer orders a drink, the colleague tells you 'You need to go and pour him a pint now.'
It just wouldn't be tolerated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:47

I don't need to be told how to open a door, stuff like that is just ridiculous. Obviously if there's any sort of concern with a client then it's normal to say 'Mrs X will need this today.'
Or I have a client who compromises and says 'Do you want to do X and I do Y?" And I never feel bossed around by her.
But for instance if Mrs Smith asks for a drink and this colleague says 'Go and get her a drink' that's just a rude way of taking

OP posts:
Babsexxx · 12/07/2023 06:52

I would say “I know my routine backwards thanks, how are you holding up? are you getting the hang of things? Just give me a shout if you need help!”

I’ve seen first hand this sort of bitchy behaviour and I know exactly what your talking about and once said persons told you what to do they also like to make it gossip to peers “I had to tell such and such even how to put the key in the door! Etc LOL!”.

She’s vindictive and I’d be shutting that shit down and pulling her up on it and tell her directly to stop being patronising explain that you don’t know if she’s aware she’s doing it but you don’t need these silly patronising dictations especially from someone who is technically below you!.

Namechanger1002 · 12/07/2023 06:53

I think this is one of those situations when examples are written down they seem really petty but yet your gut and your colleagues nvc suggest not. Be honest with yourself - is there a reason they need to tell you the most basic of instructions? (Medication aside - you can never check too much with meds) Or are they just narrating out loud their own internal check list? Is there an element of covering their arses in case there is an error/mistake so they can come back and say ‘well I did say’

LongRoadtoNowhere · 12/07/2023 06:53

Weird responses on here - I can’t imagine others would appreciate being told how to do their job by their colleagues either.

I would probably pull a confused face and say “err yes I’m well aware of that, thanks.” but I have no time for people trying to boss me about.

I think they key is to be consistent. Show them that this mindset isn’t going to fly with you, over and over again. At the very least it’ll make you feel better pushing back.

Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:58

Imagine getting to your office and a colleague tells you you need to turn your PC on? It just wouldn't happen.
She seems nice outside of that, but as I say I seem to be a target for it. I want to stop it happening as it does get to you and make you feel like you can't do your job when I know I can. I'm not useless or rubbish, nobody is perfect but I've had good feedback from management and never had any cause for concern.

OP posts:
noglow · 12/07/2023 06:58

Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 06:36

I don't think I'm oversensitive, the medication one might not be the best example, but it's more like we'll get to someone's door and she'll say 'you need to take the key out of the key safe and open it.' well I'm not going to break the door down.
Or it'll just be things like 'You can go and do that now.' I don't need to be told, go and do anything.

Ah right I see. Yes that's irritating. Have you tried taking the lead? So before you get there say I'll do this this and this and you do that?

Babsexxx · 12/07/2023 06:58

Well op has been there two years?! Surely if she wasn’t really getting it she wouldn’t of made her probationary period!

The new employee is clearly being a bitch trying to run the place….and she needs telling!

Weregoingthroughchanges · 12/07/2023 06:59

That would drive me mad, are they older than you, do you look young?

Original poster
Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 07:00

She's a lot older than me but doesn't look that much older. I only know because she said she had children who were grown up. I haven't told her my age.

OP posts:
Coolhwip · 12/07/2023 07:03

Would really appreciate any tips in this situation.

I think this is your third thread (at least) about this colleague.

You had great advice, are things not getting better? Have you been more assertive?

RoseBucket · 12/07/2023 07:04

You say it’s happening from colleagues? As in more times than just this one person?

Weregoingthroughchanges · 12/07/2023 07:04

Bobski123 · 12/07/2023 07:00

She's a lot older than me but doesn't look that much older. I only know because she said she had children who were grown up. I haven't told her my age.

That’s it then she’s treating you like one of her kids, I’d have a word with your manager.

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2023 07:07

Have you told her directly that she is patronising you and treating you like one of her kids? If so, it's time to go to your manager. Every time she says something like that, just say "you are stating the obvious again".

malificent7 · 12/07/2023 07:11

This drives me nuts...wanna be manager in the making.