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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister in law

112 replies

twinmummyyeah · 12/07/2023 01:35

My husbands sister invites my husband away with her on holiday 3 times a year. Her children have flown the nest, mine are only 11. She goes away with her husband but wants her two brothers there too. She says to him our children can come too, but they are at school or for the next one on summer holiday but of my daughters is having a minor procedure and can’t exercise for a month which includes swimming. Neither want to go anyway.

I explained to her years ago I was tired of going to the same resort year in year out so count us out now. So she knows I won’t ever go so now is trying to get my husband to bring the children or come by himself every time she goes away. We have our own family holiday where we go somewhere different every year.

mu children get very upset by his holidays without them, one cries so much , begs him not to go, and I can’t get her into school.

this has happened twice in the last year so I text my sil tonight to say my daughter is very upset, my husbands place is at home wirh his daughters over summer not with anyone else.

she text back it’s not up to her what goes on, he’s her brother so she’s will talk to him. Anyone can come, it’s not down to her if the girls can’t come and it’s not down to her what he does and doesn’t decide to do.

she and the other brother pester him to go. And last year I heard she was upset that her other brother didn’t go, but his wife has just been diagnosed with cancer and was starting chemo!

she is like the matriarch who expects everyone to go along with her holidays and didn’t even say to me I’m sorry I had no idea your daughter was getting so upset about my brother coming away with me. She just defends herself and takes no accountability. I am livid. My husband bows down to her. She pretty much raised him when their mom walked out when he was 7rs old.

i am sick of her and my spineless husband. He knows how upset my daughter gets and he still won’t stop. The only one who seems to give a shit about my children is me. Advice please

OP posts:
Luxell934 · 21/07/2023 15:09

It seems like even if your SIL didn't invite him on holiday, he would still go with his mates etc

Just take your girls away on holiday your own.

diddl · 21/07/2023 15:34

So no access to money and your gripe is with your SIL inviting him on holidays?

What a selfish, nasty piece of work he is.

MsRosley · 21/07/2023 15:36

My daughter is upset because these 3 holidays wirh his sister are on top of 2 holidays wirh his mates very year. That’s 5 a year.

What the actual fuck? That's absolutely ridiculous.

NancyPickford · 21/07/2023 16:06

How much annual leave does he get from work???

ManateeFair · 21/07/2023 16:13

twinmummyyeah · 21/07/2023 14:20

The girls really wanted a summer holiday. I have no money my husband controls the finances. I have a savings account for my daughters where all the cheques from her grandfather went iver the years l.

my husband says he couldn’t afford for the 4 of us ti go away o asked the girls about using their savings and daddy will pay it back. He hasn’t paid it back but has booked this 7 day trip with his extended family and friends. In my mind if he can’t pay back their savings why is he spending money for his own holiday.

I'm not really sure what else you want anyone to say. Your husband is an awful man who doesn't give a shit about you or his children. If his family weren't around, he'd be just as much of a dickhead in some other way.

He isn't interested in family life with you and his kids and you need to leave. Telling us more and more of the awful thing he's done isn't going to get you any other advice, really.

Wallywobbles · 21/07/2023 16:33

Tell him if he goes on one more holiday without his family not to come back. Ever. And tell him if he does you'll use the time to pack his stuff and start divorce proceedings.

Meeting · 21/07/2023 16:46

OP you seriously need to get rid of this man.

Tell him that by the time he comes back all his stuff will be boxed up and on the driveway.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 21/07/2023 16:50

electriclight · 12/07/2023 06:08

No way DP would stop me having a trip with my brother.

I find it weird and controlling that you try to stop him and that you manipulated his sister by messaging her about your kids being upset.

Why can't he go if he wants to? Why can't his sister invite her brothers on a trip?

Ridiculous that your kids are crying about this. It should be normal to see your parents living their lives, enjoying themselves, having interests and relationships outside their nuclear family.

I agree with this totally , op is controlling ,her husband can holiday with who he likes . Imagine the other way around .

ChubbyMorticia · 21/07/2023 17:29

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 21/07/2023 16:50

I agree with this totally , op is controlling ,her husband can holiday with who he likes . Imagine the other way around .

Try reading all the responses from the OP. Her dh has taken money from the kids, not paid it back, gone on FIVE holidays. The man is a selfish ass.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 21/07/2023 18:03

The man might be selfish but to have a go at the SIL was wrong .

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2023 20:59

twinmummyyeah · 12/07/2023 12:33

He would rather upset our children than everyone and her. He listens to everything she says. My other sil also thinks that both brothers are scared of her.

but yes this is a much bigger problem. I don’t know how you get a man to prioritise or care for their children when they really don’t.

Well if you split up he'd have to take them on 'his' weekends and you'd get some me time!

twinmummyyeah · 30/07/2023 20:06

Thanks everyone for your honest feedback x

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