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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To look into rehoming my cats

86 replies

Mummypigisalwaysright · 11/07/2023 19:44

Ok so please read before judging!

We have two cats that are 14 years old this year, we had them before we had children and we do really love them.

DS7 is autistic, he has limited verbal skills but communicates effectively using learnt/repetitive words and phrases. He has an official diagnosis and attends a sen school.

Over the past three/four months he has become completely adverse to the presence of the cats in the house. This means that the cats are outside permanently and we feed them outside. If they come in the house he chases them out and will scream and cry (actual tears/sad crying) if he can't get them out. He will also not go outside. We have a lovely garden that I would love to take him out in but he simply refuses and melts down. Also I can't have the back door open even two minutes, my son will come and shut it.

The situation is becoming stressful as I don't want my cats to spend winter nighttime outside, I think that's not fair on them, particularly as they are used to coming inside. It's not so bad in summer, but snowy and icy weather, not great.

So I'm thinking of rehoming them, or failing that take them to a shelter. The current situation is just not good for anyone and I don't know if there is anything else I can do.

AIBU? Any advice or tips?

OP posts:
ComeTheFckOnBridget · 11/07/2023 19:48

Yanbu, I'm sorry what a desperately sad situation.

ISeeMisledPeople · 11/07/2023 19:49

That's so hard. Yanbu though. It's the right thing for the cats - they'll be happier in a place where they aren't being faced with your son, and it seems very much as though your son will be happier without the cats.

Try to make sure they get rehomed together - it will be a lot easier for them to have their feline buddy with them

OnlyFannys · 11/07/2023 19:49

This is such a crap situation for you op, I'm sorry as it must be heartbreaking but under the circumstances it does seem like the best thing for them

Thelnebriati · 11/07/2023 19:55

It might be difficult to rehome a pair of older cats, but one thing you can do to help them (and the rescue) is to have them vet checked, and make sure all their vaccines etc are up to date.

Eloweeese · 11/07/2023 19:57

Yes it's the right thing to do. When my mum died I had to re home her cat. The cats protection took her. I gave a donation of £300 to cover their bills for finding another home for her

Hufflemuff · 11/07/2023 19:58

Can a friend have them?! Then you could visit every now and again. It's often hard to rehome older cats, especially as a pair. It might ease your guilt.

Miajk · 11/07/2023 19:58

Please don't get pets again the future if you're willing to keep them only under specific conditions.

If you love them why not try to get down to the root of the issue with your DS?

I have a special needs sibling and my family would never toss out our pets just because my sibling is having a meltdown. Giving into every demand of a SEN child is a very unsustainable strategy.

BlissedOutCat · 11/07/2023 19:59

That's really tough. However they may have several years left to settle in to a new home, so you are doing the right thing. Perhaps your vet knows someone who can give them a new home.

Newusernameaug · 11/07/2023 20:00

I wonder if any of your neighbours would want cats to cuddle but not have the responsibility for?
im just thinking if you could build them a nice shelter in the garden and if there were any neighbours who would want to cuddle them etc?
You still feed and vet them etc

fleur89 · 11/07/2023 20:02

Miajk · 11/07/2023 19:58

Please don't get pets again the future if you're willing to keep them only under specific conditions.

If you love them why not try to get down to the root of the issue with your DS?

I have a special needs sibling and my family would never toss out our pets just because my sibling is having a meltdown. Giving into every demand of a SEN child is a very unsustainable strategy.

This, 100 percent agree

Blackbyrd · 11/07/2023 20:04

Realistically those two cats will end up being PTS. The chances of them successfully being rehomed are minimal

IAmSalmaFuckingHayek · 11/07/2023 20:06

Oh how sad, I’m so sorry.

I think before I rehomed them I’d try to work with ds on accepting them as it’s their home, if it’s only been a few months it could be temporary. Using social stories or explaining that these are your beloved pets and they are part of the family might help him understand better? Or working in there being acceptable rooms for the cats to be in, but his room will always be cat free?

If it carries on them yes, it might be best to rehome them, but I’d assume ds has the capacity to accept them again before doing anything permanent.

TomatoSandwiches · 11/07/2023 20:06

Do you have any idea why the sudden change towards them from your son op? Or has he always been a bit off with them?

WunWun · 11/07/2023 20:07

Is it just me or is every other thread about rehoming cats at the moment?

Soubriquet · 11/07/2023 20:08

It really doesn’t sound like you have a choice. The cats need somewhere warm to go in the winter.

BungleandGeorge · 11/07/2023 20:08

Thing is 2 14 year old cats really don’t have an amazing chance of being adopted and it will be very stressful for them. Perhaps your son will settle down again? Could you get some therapy to try and help? Couldn’t the cats come in at night whilst your son is in bed? Even if you shut them in the kitchen or something.

Original poster
Mummypigisalwaysright · 11/07/2023 20:14

I can assure you we do not plan on having any more pets, ever. This is a very heartbreaking situation for us.

You clearly did not read my op properly, the cats are 14 years old, my son is 7. Nobody asks to have a sen child and this isn't a situation I don't think anyone could forsee.

Giving in is an incorrect assumption. If you have any ideas how I can integrate them I would be willing to try. He literally chases them out of the house. They are scared of him so they go.

OP posts:
Grandana · 11/07/2023 20:15

We had cats whom we couldn't keep indoors, for various reasons. We insulated a shed for them, gave them lots of perches, extra layers etc in winter. Our vet said they would be absolutely fine and cats have been sleeping outside all winter with a lot less care for generations. The key is they stay outdoors so their bodies and fur can adapt as the temperature drops. It wouldn't be fair to keep them warm indoors all day and then chuck them out overnight. It was ok for ours we thought, they were outdoorsy types and had each other, and we felt with their issues and age it would not be fair to ask anyone else to take them on. But my autistic child quite liked them.

So maybe you could explore whether you could keep them outside. Lockable catflap into a cat shed, timeshare the garden for a while so child and cats are not in the garden at the same time, and work towards a re-introduction. But, if you can't, you can't, it is that simple. Rehoming 2 x14 year old cats is problematic though. Maybe offering an ongoing donation to cover their food and vets bills might help?

Soubriquet · 11/07/2023 20:15

How did you manage before? I mean, you would have had the cats for 7 years with your son. What changed? Why has he suddenly decided he doesn’t like them?

Original poster
Mummypigisalwaysright · 11/07/2023 20:16

@TomatoSandwiches he has never warmed to them. He hates all animals. Last year next door had chickens and they used to get through the hedge and he would scream. He's not an animal lover.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 11/07/2023 20:17

Grandana · 11/07/2023 20:15

We had cats whom we couldn't keep indoors, for various reasons. We insulated a shed for them, gave them lots of perches, extra layers etc in winter. Our vet said they would be absolutely fine and cats have been sleeping outside all winter with a lot less care for generations. The key is they stay outdoors so their bodies and fur can adapt as the temperature drops. It wouldn't be fair to keep them warm indoors all day and then chuck them out overnight. It was ok for ours we thought, they were outdoorsy types and had each other, and we felt with their issues and age it would not be fair to ask anyone else to take them on. But my autistic child quite liked them.

So maybe you could explore whether you could keep them outside. Lockable catflap into a cat shed, timeshare the garden for a while so child and cats are not in the garden at the same time, and work towards a re-introduction. But, if you can't, you can't, it is that simple. Rehoming 2 x14 year old cats is problematic though. Maybe offering an ongoing donation to cover their food and vets bills might help?

My cat moved out when I got my first dog. She refused to come in the house. We had an outhouse that we set up for her to sleep in. A fluffy bed was provided as well as all her food and water. It wasn’t heated. She managed really well. Never had a problem. She lived outdoors for about 18 months so experienced all the weathers. We moved house and obviously had to keep in her for a few weeks. She suddenly decided that actually she prefers being indoors. She has the run of all upstairs.

Original poster
Mummypigisalwaysright · 11/07/2023 20:19

@Grandana this is the option we have now, they have somewhere to shelter from the rain. It just gets so cold in winter I hate the thought of them being outside, they have always been in overnight during winter. They're quite lazy cats so mostly stayed in the whole day if it was cold.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/07/2023 20:20

Proper heated outdoor shelter.

Presumably they can be in overnight when your son is upstairs in bed etc?

At 14 they will likely be put down rather than rehomed.

FunkyMonks · 11/07/2023 20:22

How heartbreaking op I feel for you I have a son with autism 6 year old we also have a cat thankfully he's not bothered by our Cat when we first had the cat he would excitedly chase him which we were thankfully able to correct that behaviour to stop him tormenting the cat, now he says hi to the cat occasionally or just ignores him.

I hope you manage to find a solution that suits your family needs and the cats needs.

Original poster
Mummypigisalwaysright · 11/07/2023 20:22

@Soubriquet he has always just avoided them, not noticed them (I thought). But he used to melt down a lot and because of his communication difficulties I never knew what the issue was. Since he's learnt that he can chase them out of the house he's been better in the house, now he won't go in the garden. He's really progressing at his sen school (first year he's attended) so maybe he feels more confident now?

OP posts: