if you’ve taught her strategies , you need to also prompt her to use them
she’s not going to do it by herself
so for example if you taught her breathing techniques for anger,
you see her getting angry , you need to step in and remind her to do her breathing techniques
you can’t expect her to just do it spontaneously
with most ASD children alot of things that you teach them doesn’t “stick” so they need constant repetition , constant reminding and prompting and guiding
and the goal is that one day the repetition might sink in and they will do it by themselves , fingers crossed ..
I’ve been “teaching” my dd some things for 3 years , she still doesn’t do them unless I prompt her to do it
so just let go of the expectation that she will do this on her own , and you will be less angry about it
ASD children often do not connect events together , they will not connect the consequence, to their behaviour
they might know what they did was wrong depending on where on the spectrum they are but they will not connect what they did,to you punishing them
they just won’t connect the dots and will get upset and angry about being punished
do you know what her triggers are ? Do you notice any patterns that result in her having a meltdown or lashing out at others?
maybe she does this every time your having family movie night , maybe she does this every-time it’s bath time ..
inwould try to figure out next time she acts like this , check the environment and look for a pattern
sometimes it seems like someone with ASD just meltdowns “out of nowhere”
but actually no , there is usually a simmering before the boil
it could be several sensory things hitting her at once, a clock ticking , the washing machine starts rattling, the tv blaring, the dog starts barking , little sister playing with toys too loud , dad starts coughing
and slowly the ASD child starts getting wound up with all this sensory overload ,
so she tries to self regulate by stomping her feet or shouting over the noise and then mum thinks that shes misbehaving
so mum starts telling her off and then the result is a meltdown because she feels like she’s being told off for things she can’t control
I don’t think people realise how loud the world is for ASD children, it’s like someone turned the volume up to 100 and it can make them be on the edge all the time
she shouldn’t be allowed to bite or hit anyone but you could try redirecting her , buy her something she can hit like a pillow, or something to bite like a sensory toy and keep repeating that she is not allowed to bite or hit others
I find that my dd responds to visual rules over verbal ,
I bought laminated house rules that I refer to whenever she breaks a rule, I stuck it on the wall
and I get her to physically point to the rule she broke and then I tell her the consequence of that rule breaking which is time out, iPad taken away whatever punishment fits the crime
I think you and your husband should work as a team to give each other respite, you should have time to yourself to unwind and relax and so should he
and your youngest child should have time where you just spend the day with her too
please don’t exclude her at dinner times , she is your family, you love her and it’s not teaching her anything except that none of you like her , which will make her more angry and lead to more behaviour problems