Would you be offended? Clothes shop

[LlME]

Today, I saw a sustainable design er clothes shop. It caught my attention so I went in for a look.

I was rifling through some dresses. Out of my budget, but was just curious.

One of the shop assistants then redirects me to some clothes 'more my size'. I didn't ask for advice or give any signal that I needed help, I was simply looking around different bits.

I'm not quite sure what to make of that come t. To me it's a bit condescending to think you know better than I do about my own clothes size. It's also not nice to hear when your actively trying to make changes to your body and somebody essentially points out that nope- you haven't made any progress.

Anyway, just wondering what others make of this? Would you be offended if someone showed you where 'your size' without you asking?

Rude. And such poor sales technique to essentially neg a customer.

Yes it's damn rude. The only exception would be if a customer was really petite, which wouldn't offend anyone. I am curious to know what shop keeps plus sizes in a separate area though. It would hardly draw customers in, would it?

Clumsy not rude. Definitely needs a customer service skills refresher. “More your size” isn’t the same as “We don’t do hippo sizes chunky chops.”

Remembering now a time I picked up a sundress in a shop in a fancy shop in Cannes and an assistant leapt on me with 'non non non madame you are too fat for this'. 😂

In actual fact, she then did show me other things and I got exactly what I needed for the beach.

But on your thing, yes it's rude and probably not good sales practice to make assumptions about the purpose of somebody's browsing...you could be looking for a gift, or to see which colours might match something you already have.

How am I wasting everyone's time? Please elaborate.

Dunno - sometimes when I absent-mindedly find myself wandering around the plus size or petite they'd do me a favour steering me towards the clothes that would fit me, but in the absence of them knowing why you're there and in a world where everyone take offence and everything it's better than they say nothing.

I had my eyes opened when I accompanied my friend mother of the bridge shopping. Some of the fancy shops (Hobbs, Reiss, Whistles) kept anything they had in a 16 out the back.
Perhaps they don't want to draw people who are size 16 into their shops. This was in Cambridge.

But you can't really tell a persons size unless its an obvious extreme.

I was very underweight growing up, people 'expected' me to be a size 6 but I was a size 12 because my bones at the widest part (hips & shoulders) are a 12.

I could maybe squeeze into a large 10 in trousers if they are stretchy and depending on cut of top (straps or floaty sleeves) a 6-8. But true to fit non stretch items had to be 12 just for my bone width.

My friend was visually much bigger looking than me (completely different top heavy big boobed curvy shape) and weighed 5 stone more. People expected her to be big but wore size 8 jeans. We could not share clothes because my tops where far too small for her (given her huge boobs) and her bottoms where too small for me (given my wide hips).

You just can't 'eye up' these things.

Also who said they are buying for themselves?

I’ve had a similar shopping experience in Whistles in Cheltenham, nothing above a size 14 on the shop floor. Probably about five years ago. The irony being I was at my skinniest then but was living in my overdraft so wasn’t shopping for me but with a friend who was a 16.

I worked in retail (boutique retailers) for years.

It's great to be helpful and available to customers. It isn't great to make assumptions. Customer service is a skill.

I'd assume she was trying to help. I've been redirected to other sizes and petite clothing and never been offended. Is the difference that you were being directed to larger sizes? Would you have been offended if she'd taken you to the sizes down?

When someone is essentially saying you're too fat for those clothes, completely uninvited, of course its fucking rude.

By all means, offer help in a generic way if you must, but it isn't OK to pass comment on someone's body or size, however indirectly it may be done.

I can't help thinking of all the middle-aged women wandering around men's clothing sections with armfuls of gear for their useless male partners.

Helpful sales assistants never feel the need to redirect these women (and I am one) to the bit of the shop that's 'more their sex', do they?

But heaven forbid that a larger lady might even glimpse in the direction of an outfit which is for someone of a smaller body size.
Oh no, said lady must then be immediately reminded of the fact she's fat and that the outfit in question in totally inappropriate for her huge-ness, however politely or kindly its done.

Rude as fuck.

And don't remind me about shopping in northern France in the mid 1990s. Trying to buy a bra, I was about 34C maximum, they would only have 28s and 30s and up to B cups out on the shop floor in department stores. And would have to really rummage in the back to find size 6 shoes (40 European). One male assistant exclaimed at my massive feet and said that 40 was really a man's size. I am fairly tall, 5'7" and was a size 10/12 then. I felt like I was the main character in Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman.

Highly presumptuous and with definite undertones.

Firstly, who’s to say you were shopping for yourself?

@TheOrigRights often, retailers only want to display a certain number of sizes- for example 3 sizes.

Despite constant feedback that size 16 was the size every store needed, sales of size 16s were never as high as 8-14. Neither was size 6. Therefore in the retailers I worked for, 8-14 was (or a range from these sizes) was displayed with 6 and 16 available on request. It also wasn't a case of 16s not selling because they weren't displayed, when tests were carried out to push size 16s, sales didn't rise. Now, whether size 16 and above women assume that those type of retailers (Reiss, Jigsaw, Whistles, MV etc) don't stock their size or not, I don't know.

But it isn't a case of not wanting size 6 or 16 ladies to buy. Retailers want every sale possible but with limited space, will push what sells best.

(Personally, I included a mix of all sizes stocked on the shopfloor but I just wanted to say why it often doesn't happen and to reassure it isn't out of discrimination against 6s or 16s)

I've been everything from a size 6 to a size 20 over the years. While it's not the case right now, I've previously been exactly their target demographic in terms of disposable income. I just don't walk around looking like their idea of a vacuous fashionista as, you know, I actually work for a living.

I've encountered this kind of snotty behaviour by so many dress shop assistants (usually teenagers with eff all experience of life and even less empathy) more times than I care to remember. It's why I found it a little difficult to weep many tears when so many of them had to find alternative employment after the crash and COVID and so many bricks and mortar stores went bust.

It is, however, why I wept real tears when all the Debenhams and House of Fraser stores went under.

While I still need occasional smart outfits for work, Vinted does quite well out of me these days...

Once I went into a shop in SE Asia (where women in general are far more petite than me) and could see very quickly that they had only smaller sizes, so after only half an minute headed for the door - whereupon the sale assistant ran after me saying "wait, we have clothes that will fit even you" 😂

However, although I found this funny, I do understand such remarks could be upsetting

Oh you’re giving me flashbacks! I travelled to Spain many moons ago for my mum’s birthday on 23 December to meet my parents who were already there. EasyJet lost my luggage and no one could be arsed to look for it so soon before Christmas.

The only place open at the airport was a souvenir shop - I did alright in buying a couple
of t-shirts but wanted another pair of bottoms so I didn’t have to live in one pair of jeans. The woman on the till said: “I have a flamenco dress but they only come in proper women’s sizes…” I’m 5’ 7’’ and at the time had a skinny waist but a large chest. Proper woman! 😂 I couldn’t even get the XXL size over my head!

See that would make me howl! I had a similar experience once in Chile where someone said: “We also sell shoes…” when I couldn’t find anything at all to fit me. The shoes didn’t fit either!!!

Wow... in my teens I was a 28AA and never wore a bra back then because literally have NEVER seen a 28 in real life. I owned one bra an it was a 30A push up bra that by its nature came up small. My friend always tried too steal it because she had the exact same problem.

I remember getting measured in M&S and them saying 'yeah we dont do anything THIS small' then trying to palm me off with stuff that was clearly massive. I did actually buy one of them and I only just fit nicely in it now 16 years later and 3 stone heavier, I'm now like a 36D.

This has happened to a friend of mine. Yes It's rude. I'd have said 'I am not looking for dresses in my size' in a monotone voice with a deadpan expression (& before I get a 'Would you, aye?' yes I absolutely would. I have perfected some 'stock responses' for most situations when people are snotty with me.

A lot of shops arrange by size, especially independent or boutique types that don't have many of the same style. If they arranged by style they'd have so few garments on each rail that it would look odd.

And on the Reiss, Whistles etc stores, yes, I just assumed they didn't want short plain unfashionable plumpies like me bringing their labels into disrepute when I was a 16 plus, as well as the general demeanour of the assistants in the shop being so off putting I just didn't want to ask them. As for those manufacturers actually producing garments in those sizes in the first place, a search of their websites would suggest otherwise....

Exactly people’s threshold for rude seems remarkably low. Some people don’t express themselves well and we all make thoughtless comments from time to time, even when we don’t mean to. Clumsy but not rude.

GwinCoch it was the inclusion of the word "even" that did it!