To roll my eyes at pregnancy excuse

[Fuzzyduck31]

It must be my age but recently I’ve had more friends and acquaintances being pregnant and I am surprised (bemused?) by the ideas some people have.
I get that morning sickness/ nausea is bad but I have a friend who is acting completely incapacitated by it? It’s not HG just the normal nausea sicky feeling in first trimester.
I have another friend who can not organise a baby shower for her sister because she is also pregnant?!
Another friend has just had a baby and has called her mum to look after the baby while she sleeps all day?
AIBU as I went through this twice not looking for the type of complete support that these other women feel entitled to?
I am happy for them all and feel like a bad person thinking this but just wondered if anyone else has noticed a trend towards this complete incapacitation as a pregnant/ new mum?

I have also noticed using pregnancy as an excuse for laziness or moaning on the increase. What is more frustrating is for the 1 friend who is actually very poorly with her pregnancy and she just gets lumped in with all the ones who are just lazy.

I thought people were over the top when I had mine (early 2000s).

YABU every pregnancy, birth and baby is different. You can’t possibly know exactly how they are feeling. And also to look down on someone for receiving family support… she probably needs to sleep in the day because she’s not sleeping at night. Bloody hell, for a forum originally meant for mums you’re not exactly being very supportive of mothers!

@OrangesAndLemming 👏 well said

I don’t know, I didn’t have hg but was vomiting throughout the day for four months and it was awful. I barely felt capable of making a sandwich, let alone getting up and out the house. I lean more towards thinking women should be entitled to more rest and support when pregnant rather than having to carry on as if they’re not. It’s exhausting! Not for all, obviously, but most women I know have really suffered with it in one way or another, sickness or pgp etc.

Does it affect you how women go through their pregnancies?

YABU to assume that you know how another woman is coping during her pregnancy.

I sometimes wonder if new mums are more tired when they have dc later in life.
I had ds at 26 and dd at 34 and was so tired at 34!
As for nausea it really depends on the severity surely. I felt very sick with dd and remember vomiting still at 19 weeks.

I’m not sure really. I had horrendous nausea but was rarely actually sick, although literally heaving not much came up. Went on until 20 weeks but came back through the pregnancy if I was tired. I struggled on in both pregnancies, was totally miserable. I really regret sucking it up and being strong. I should have been much kinder to myself.

It is becoming more acceptable to ask for help these days which is mainly a good thing imo, especially for pregnant women or new mothers, I wouldn't be rolling my eyes at anyone growing a new human, have a word with yourself.

Every mum I know would bite your hand off for someone to watch their babies while they slept! You just sound jealous you had no one to ask TBH.

It sounds like you got off fairly lightly though OP.

I can’t get worked up about this at all.

Why is a sickness bug ok to moan about and feel sorry for yourself about but morning sickness isn’t? Plenty of people with a sickness bug sit around not wanting to move, so why can’t a pregnant woman who has morning sickness for weeeeeks on end?

Maybe instead of judging others, feel grateful that you coped well with pregnancy/a new baby. YABU.

You feel like a bad person because you ARE a bad person.

Like well done, you're perfect. You grew a baby without acting like it, you're so cool. You never took a break if your family offered it, here's your medal.

I mean 🙄

I couldn't get annoyed about this. Every pregnancy is different. With DS, if I hadn't have had a positive test, I wouldn't have known I was pregnant until my bump started to pop at 20+ weeks. With DD, though not actually vomiting, I felt horrendously sick and was so grateful I was working from home. The thought of going out anywhere with friends whilst feeling sick and possibly having to put my head in a public toilet made me feel even worse.

As for the sleep, what a lovely mum looking after her own daughter. My DS had horrendous reflux and some other undiagnosed health problems and his sleeping pattern was awful. He never, ever slept for more than 30 minutes at a time overnight and I spent all night sitting on the sofa feeding him, cleaning sick, shushing him back to sleep, all for him to wake 30 mins later. It was making me ill. I felt delirious. I'll be forever grateful for my mum who came over on her two days off midweek to pick him up and take him out for a walk or to visit my grandparents whilst I got a few hours of solid sleep.

Well currently sat full term pregnant (not my first!) and what I will say is the nasty pregnancy symptoms are very easily forgotten! Nausea is horrendous just one thing I cannot cope with I’ve had gallbladder attacks sporadically all throughout my 3rd trimester I have carried on with housework children and work until last week!

But i am very guilty of being one of those types of “just getting on with it!” Yabu though op to have forgotten it’s not a one size fits all some people have great pregnancies others not so great! Infact terrible!

I was pretty much incapacitated by 24hr morning sickness. YABU to assume other people get off as lightly as you.

My pregnancy was grim and incapacitating, I had lots of people who were bemused by it because it wasn't their experience. My newborn was an absolute breeze in comparison to pregnancy, same people who'd sailed through pregnancy had told me having a newborn was hell and again were bemused when I was loving it. I was just lucky my newborn was a content sleepy baby who didn't have colic, silent reflux or an allergy.

Honestly I don't think we can judge somebody else as we never actually know what they're experience is. In plenty of cultures new Mums are made to rest for a month or so, there's no award for being sleep deprived.

If you had ok experiences of both pregnancy and having a newborn then you got off lightly!

Trust me, don’t judge others and consider yourself lucky. To those looking at me I’m just a mum who is 31 weeks pregnant with no 2 and already on leave. Would you class me as one of the lazy ones? To those very close to me I’m the mum who has the anxiety of not knowing if I have cancer or not because further tests would put my baby at risk at this stage. You don’t know everyone’s story!

I think some people have it tougher than others and some people are more metally strong than others, none of this is a failing, it is just how we are made. I was in my early 20s when I was pregnant and flew through it, was up and about straight after, had no pnd, was young and didn't need much sleep so sleepless nights didn't bother me etc, I doubt I'd be so sprightly about it all now coming to 40 with a bad hip, everybody's situation is different.

To be fair people can have vastly different experiences of sickness, nausea, exhaustion etc. I was tired and queasy for the first trimester but my friend was so sick with HG she could barely stand and it took her all day to eat a slice of bread in tiny bits. She lost a stone and a half in the first 4 months. Having said that I have noticed some people really "make a meal of it" despite seeming well and without complications. One friend stopped walking her dog instantly as soon as she found out she was pregnant because "I'm expecting and need to take it easy". Poor dog!

Just to confirm - I also had 24hr sickness with my first, complete food aversion, was hospitalised with a kidney infection and an emergency c section. My second had reflux and only slept properly at about 18 months so didn't get "off lightly" with either.
I just wondered whether it was more acceptable now to hand over the reigns and responsibilities now than say 4 years ago? Or maybe as another poster said it is an age thing.

Can you imagine that other people have different experiences and pregnancies to you?

also taking help when it’s there and getting out of things they don’t want to do all sounds reasonable to me. It doesn’t mean they’re ‘entitled’

You might as well rest up in a first pregnancy, god knows once the baby is born it'll be about another 10 years before you ever get a decent rest.