For regretting my wedding?

[Weddingregret]

I don’t want to go too into detail as it could be outing.

My DH and I have been married for 6 years. We got married in a registry office, went for a meal and then a few of us went for a couple of drinks. Then we had a small honeymoon in the UK with our child.

Neither of us got to wear what we wanted (he wanted a kilt, but wore a suit and I got a secondhand dress from a vintage store). I didn’t even get my hair and makeup done properly, everything was rushed on the day and the person I hired to do my makeup was late and messed it up and I ended up with no time left to do my hair.

We did really want to get married because we wanted the marriage not the wedding, but now I feel like I regret not getting to experience a lot of these traditional/cliche things, such as getting to choose the cake, have a first dance, make speeches etc.
We also wanted to write our own vows but then decided to leave it as it was only a small wedding.

I feel sad sometimes that we didn’t have that. We have more income now and I keep wondering about some type of do over/vow renewal. I know these are frowned upon and people presume someone’s cheated etc. But I keep thinking that both our children could be there now, and we could have a proper honeymoon, write some vows and so on…

Am I being selfish? If not, any suggestions what we could do?

YABU - You’re being selfish, grow up and be happy with what you did.

YANBU - It’s normal to have regrets.

Just been to a lovely family anniversary party. Dressing up, speeches, cake cutting etc. They didn't renew vows but I don't think anyone would have batted an eye if they had done. I think the main difference from a wedding is less of a feeling of obligation among family to attend, we went because we wanted to go, and overseas family didn't. But that seems an improvement to me!

I would think there was some sort of cheating- based on all the ones I have been to have involved a cheating partner (sample size of 4)

I'm sorry it had to come to NC for you. Me, too, unfortunately.

My only difference was that I'd been with DH for 10 years before we married, and we didn't ask anyone's opinions on how we should go about marrying. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision when deciding what to do to celebrate our decade together! The saddest thing is that his parents have always shown so little interest in him, it never even occurred to me that anyone might mind.

As the people least involved with us, the fact that they were the only ones who later kicked up a stink says much.

At a younger age I'd also have been more susceptible to outside opinion. It's taken me twice that long finally to run out of my (very considerable) patience with my MiL. With some people, you simply cannot win.

I think the new ring thing is the perfect excuse to have a big party followed by a great holiday four you and the DC. You can call it a ring presentation ceremony and say a few words of appreciation and love to each other if you want or not if you don’t.

Ok, I’ve RTFT and just want to address some reoccurring themes rather than lots of individual replies.

We didn’t rush into the first wedding. That was genuinely what I thought I wanted at the time, I didn’t expect to have regrets down the line.

We had one child at the time and wanted to get married before having more. It sounds cringey but we got to a stage where we were both saying that we wanted to be husband and wife, saying boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé didn’t feel like strong enough terms.
We did also say at the time that we were having a small wedding but may do something bigger down the line.

I knew there was some stigma around vow renewals and know there will be some people who presume infidelity. But we’d make our reasoning clear and don’t expect gifts, we barely got any in the first place tbh 😂

I also kinda agree that vows are for life, but I feel like you can update them or add new ones if you like as you both get older. I would like to write our own, more personalised to us.
We have both discussed it and are on the same page. We have also had a few family members say we should do something.

After reading through different ideas from people, I’m leaning toward maybe doing a small vow renewal type thing with just the 4 of us. Where we can write some vows but it can be intimate and private. Then having an anniversary party with a cake, music and all that. Then we could go on a proper holiday/second honeymoon instead of just a weekend in the UK.

I also expect some people to start throwing out the ‘why did I bother posting’ and ‘I’d already decided’ type comments.
But I still genuinely don’t know whether we’ll actually do it as part of me feels like I’m just being ungrateful and spoiled wanting to do it again. Hence why I wanted to ask opinions.

I do. I frown at them… they are a bit naff. Like baby showers and big elaborate proposals

Your new plans sound great. Hope you have a lovely time.

After reading through different ideas from people, I’m leaning toward maybe doing a small vow renewal type thing with just the 4 of us. Where we can write some vows but it can be intimate and private. Then having an anniversary party with a cake, music and all that. Then we could go on a proper holiday/second honeymoon instead of just a weekend in the UK.

@Weddingregret I think that sounds perfect. I really don’t get the disdain for vow renewals, why wouldn’t you want to update your pledge, we all change over time. Bet Jennifer Anniston wishes she could do it in reverse and say “I’m never making you another banana milkshake again you cheating twat!” Your plans sound lovely and I bet the kids will get a kick out of being included. If I ever get married again I am eloping and the witnesses will be whomever I can drag in off the street! Do the private part, have a kick ass party and then fly somewhere lovely for a fortnight.

@FuckTheLemonsandBail
I don’t think I’ve been judgmental about people’s views, I’ve been judgmental by people’s judgments!
I think you’re wrong about most people assume an affair and this thread alone shows that lots of people wouldn’t jump to that conclusion.
A renewal of vows doesn’t mean the initial vows are not valid anymore but rather acknowledges their importance and some couples want to say those words to each other again.
christians regularly reaffirm their baptismal vows and this doesn’t mean they need to be rebaptised or that their baptism is invalid. It is about wanting to say the words again for whatever reason.
Incidentally, my post wasn’t at all judgemental about people that do renew their vows after infidelity! So, I think it’s a bit of a stretch, based upon all the other posts on this thread, to say I’ve been the one that is judgmental.

@FuckTheLemonsandBail
and I used the word cross, which you put in inverted commas, because I couldn’t think of a better word as it doesn’t make me angry as such. I thought the word suitably reflected that I find it frustrating to think that the family and friends of a couple would make such an assumption about them just because they wanted to say their vows to each other again. I should have said frustrated rather than cross.