For regretting my wedding?

[Weddingregret]

I don’t want to go too into detail as it could be outing.

My DH and I have been married for 6 years. We got married in a registry office, went for a meal and then a few of us went for a couple of drinks. Then we had a small honeymoon in the UK with our child.

Neither of us got to wear what we wanted (he wanted a kilt, but wore a suit and I got a secondhand dress from a vintage store). I didn’t even get my hair and makeup done properly, everything was rushed on the day and the person I hired to do my makeup was late and messed it up and I ended up with no time left to do my hair.

We did really want to get married because we wanted the marriage not the wedding, but now I feel like I regret not getting to experience a lot of these traditional/cliche things, such as getting to choose the cake, have a first dance, make speeches etc.
We also wanted to write our own vows but then decided to leave it as it was only a small wedding.

I feel sad sometimes that we didn’t have that. We have more income now and I keep wondering about some type of do over/vow renewal. I know these are frowned upon and people presume someone’s cheated etc. But I keep thinking that both our children could be there now, and we could have a proper honeymoon, write some vows and so on…

Am I being selfish? If not, any suggestions what we could do?

YABU - You’re being selfish, grow up and be happy with what you did.

YANBU - It’s normal to have regrets.

I'd call it an anniversary party & family reunion. You can do a bring and share meal to cut costs.

On the invitation you can say that "We would like to take celebrating our 5th anniversary as an opportunity to bring together the Smiths and the Joneses and to give thanks for the friendship and love in our lives. As we didn't get a chance to celebrate our wedding with everyone we would like to do so with you on the xtg of September."

Make it clear you're not after gifts.

I've heard of a bash where the bride invited everyone who wanted to wear their wedding gowns. That could be another angle.

I HATED my wedding. Hated.
Didn't love my dress, hated the reception venue, felt anxious all day as I don't like being centre of attention. I've never even watched my wedding video, don't have any photos up. Married the right man and still together 20 years later but I wish I hadn't been pushed into making choices by MIL and others that I didn't want. I was young and just wanted an easy life. Don't want to do a renewal but I wish I'd eloped like I wanted!!!

Do it!! A ten year anniversary celebration would be lovely; get a celebrant and work with them to create something lovely and totally different to your last wedding.

It’s totally untrue that most cow reveals are after affairs - often couples have come through difficult circumstances and realised that their love is truly worth celebrating.

• cow reveals = vow revewals!! Moo!

I give up!

I'm one of the people who often "frowns on" vow renewals... as in "you did it once already, why are you doing it again?"

But your case is entirely different. You DIDN'T have the big white wedding with the special dress and cake etc yet. You chose (wisely) to keep it low key and within budget at the time. But now you've had time to think about things, you've got more money, you can reappraise whether or not you want that more "special" celebration day with things the way you actually want.

Why shouldn't you have that moment and those memories? I bet there are lots of people who would be delighted to be a guest at that ceremony, especially if they couldn't celebrate with you the first time.

So I totally think you should do it.

The vow renewals I've known have been a result of infidelity (so naive) but that's only those I've known.

A genuine vow renewal sounds perfect for you OP. Go for it

Good post.

If your dh is genuinely up for it too, you can easily afford it, want to spend thousands on a party and play dress up then go for it. I personally wouldnt think there was cheating, but do think they are a bit ridiculous and can think of lots of better things to spend my money on.

Ditto! Hated every second of it. I tell DH regularly that it was the worst day of my life 😊

Cow reveals at a bog wedding? 😂

Have an anniversary party, not a do-over reenactment, which are beyond cringe and self-centered. You get one wedding per marriage, full stop.

Also:
Many people don't even get a registry office wedding. Count your blessings.

Have a really lovely party, celebration of marriage, get an amazing dress (I'd go for one I could wear again but excuse to spend £££) have hair and make up done, book great band photographer and have the best time , maybe make it over a long weekend with night before party with women friends at a nice place with pool etc for kids
I wouldn't bother with ceremony etc, that doesn't work for me but if you want that

You're not unreasonable for feeling disappointed in your wedding, but to have a 'do-over' eg a big shindig where you invite people, expect gifts and wear a wedding dress is pretty cringe worthy.

I guess think about what you want out of it - to celebrate with family and friends? Just have a big party.

To wear a big dress and look like a bride? Just do a small event with your DH and kids and a nice meal afterwards, have some photos taken.

I have nothing against vow renewals (we had one) but it looked nothing like a wedding ceremony/reception, you only get one of those.

I couldn't vote because while I don't think YABU to feel that way, I do think the moment has passed and can't really be recaptured.

I did have a typical, if small, wedding but there's been lots of things throughout life, including some from the wedding, that I've thought oh no I shouldn't do that, it's not worth it/don't want to make a fuss. But in retrospect I've though actually it's a once off, I am worth it and why not have a little fuss once in a while.

However this moment has passed. I try to let these thoughts inspire me to not make the same mistake in future when it comes to other events.

Sounds a lovely idea. Go for it. Congratulations to you both for having a happy and successful marriage

Do what you like OP.
We got married in a registry office 10 years ago, just the two of us, and I'm so happy with our decision.
For me, those things like choosing a cake just sound like a chore!
But a vow renewal would be perfectly appropriate. I do think waiting until your 10 year anniversary would be a 'neat' solution, but appreciate you may not want to wait another 4 years.

I'd have a big party for your anniversary and go all out with a big dress, hair etc. Get a cake, photographer, whatever you feel you missed out on. Do speeches rather than official vow renewals. And as it's not a wedding it will all cost a lot less 😂

Why were you in such a rush to do something so low key in the first place? Especially if neither of you were particularly happy about it? The we wanted a marriage not a wedding was clearly naff because if you truly felt it the issues about not getting your hair done or wearing what you wanted wouldn't stand. Honestly I think you should do whatever you want so if that's doing it 'properly' then that's what you should do. It doesn't matter how much you spend as long as you can afford it.

Do what makes you happy, you only live once. Sod what anyone else thinks.

I think renewing vows is a bit cringeworthy personally, but it’s up to you. Why not do a huge anniversary party with cake, a sit down meal, speeches (keep them short), photographer, great venue and a brilliant holiday afterwards?

People would understand as you had a small wedding, and it celebrates a milestone, rather than going over something you’ve already said and done.

A fabulous anniversary party and a second honeymoon would be my suggestion. I like the suggestion that vows are for life so don’t need renewing but a celebration of where you are now sounds lovely.

Sorry but I instantly think, which one has the affair 🤦‍♀️.

I think you could even do this:

You in a dress you want, husband in a tux, kids as flower girls/page boys. Photos & a nice meal. You can even have a
Celebrant.

Then as a separate thing, a big anniversary party. You in a nice dress, but not a meringue. You can have a top table and speeches, but it won't be as cringe as a do over wedding.

People will probably go along with it if they're not asked for gifts.

I think you should accept that you made the best decision at the time. But now it feels like you are trying to go back in time, but whatever you do, it is not going to feel like the wedding you wish you had, mainly because most people will know it is not a wedding, including you and some may even be slightly bemused as to what is expected.

At this point, I would just wait and do a big tenth anniversary party,