DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

Also the OP has wildly different ideas from most people as to what basic expenses are. I mean, if she can afford it, it's her choice to pay for tennis lessons and a nutritionist. And erm 'expensive clothes' for 'events'

But to them ask other people how much their kids spend at uni... How exactly are the answers going to be helpful???

The worst part is that OP and her DH are both headteachers!

I agree with PP... OP you should delete this thread. You are really identifiable and it's highly likely this thread will make the daily mail. At which point your daughter will be a laughing stock...

DD doesn’t just play for social clubs she’s a competitive player. She will train or compete 6 days out of 7 and still want to play recreationally with her friends a nutritionist helping her make sure she is curling her body appropriately is never a bad thing.
She is state educated, we never paid school fees.

Maybe get her to read Annie Mac's new book The Mess We're In, to see the reality of the life of young people, students, post grads who eventually get to the top of their field in media, writing, music, journalism. It's nothing like the life you're planning for your daughter.

My mistake.

Does she have time for a degree? All that tennis! You are obviously wealthy (I’m including grandparents in this) and as @Astsjakksmso says, your financial position is very different to the majority. If DD is that good, why is she not competing in the tournaments all over Europe? Many are at 18. Look at Wimbledon! Is she giving it up? Many don’t do uni and tennis? Where my DDs went to school, tennis scholarships were available. I’m amazed you didn’t go for one!

@WarriorWalrus

part of being at uni is about roughing it and not having lots of money to spare.
it gives young people a drive and motivation to succeed if they don’t have everything handed to them on a plate. Going without home comforts etc, having to budget etc is character building and all part of growing up and being independent in your right.

I have sent you a private message

They train early in the morning and late in the evening @TizerorFizz and the matches take place on a Wednesday afternoon mostly, the same as every other university team sport.

There are hundreds of semi-professional tennis players between those one sees at Wimbledon and those who enjoy club tennis as a hobby. They get paid by clubs to play, they get their kit and rackets from manufacturers, they get small amounts of sponsorship, and they get grants from the LTA through which they will also have access to training facilities, coaches, S&C, gym programmes and nutritionists. If you're good enough, of course. OP says her DD is at that sort of level, I don't see any reason to disbelieve her.

It's definitely not a route to fame and fortune as @sweepleall rightly says, but it's perfectly viable to make it pay for itself for a few years in your 20s.

When DD went away to university we paid all accommodation, reasonable living expenses, phone, running her car (which generally stayed at home anyway), etc., but didn't go mad with extra for 'fancy' clothes or extravagant socialising. She funded her social life with work.

We were lucky that we could have quite easily have paid for her to enjoy a student life many working professionals wouldn't be able to afford, but how would that help her when she finished and found that she couldn't afford to continue living the same way?

She's done well for herself and now has a good career but life isn't cheap and she still appreciates how easy she had it, financially.

Didn't she get a loan?

We always paid accommodation including catered halls in first year. All three of our kids used their loans /summer or weekend jobs to pay for anything else. All three went to Russell groups, were very sociable and/or sporty and one of them did a maths degree which is pretty much 9 - 6 in terms of contact hours. I occasionally subbed their train fares and all three came on family camping holidays.

@WomblingTree86 for tuition fees only.

I’m completely gobsmacked by how completely you do not live in the real world. Your daughter will not have a clue about real life.

As parents DH and I are extremely lucky to have more than enough to do what you want to and more, but would we - absolutely not. We will pay their accommodation and a small monthly allowance, but that will be it. Your daughter will have no idea of hard life can be and tbh I think she will be not looked at favourably by her peers.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

You wouldn't know if she had taken one though would you? I know one or two students who have done without their parents knowing.

OP may not live in your world but I'm sure she lives in the real world, given she and her DH are teachers. With that accommodation cost I'm sure the DD will be mixing with people who are similarly well off so I doubt her peers will be looking upon her unfavourably. I think many students in London are from very well off families nowadays

£500 a month spending money should be plenty. That's our monthly budget for our family of 4 in London.

I suggest she budgets her everyday spending to keep inside the £500 and you provide an allowance for the sports tuition. She should be able to tell you how much it will cost both for set up and ongoing costs.

I understand you don't want her to work termtime but we a long summer is about to begin. She should have money saved up from the summer to supplement her loan. That could be spent on more expensive clothes that can't wait to be Christmas presents or the like.

Why can't she work and fund herself

I didn't get any support other than the loans that were available, but my course only had 10 hours a week actual tuition so it was easy for me to get a part time retail job around that.

So you didn’t do any more work for seminars and tutorials, @Issania87 ? How’s she meant to fit in all the tennis?

Can I just say how lucky your daughter is to have grandparents like that

I pay £525 a month for a three bedroom semi detached house. £350 a week is crazy money 😳

While living in London my DH and I spent £500 a month between us on all expenses after mortgage and bills bar major purchases or hoilday with a joint income of 80k. This was a only two years ago. We simply didn't need or want anymore then that. And while at uni I certainly didn't live like that.

Well actually there's quite a gulf between well off people like the OP, and the actual 'rich' students. These are the sort that buy their children cars and apartments, continue to give them a rent allowance soon after graduation, etc. Regularly consume expensive things be it eating out or material things

Those aren't the sort of values OP wants her daughter to have. She wants her to be able to budget, not keep up with the Joneses.

@WarriorWalrus

why isn’t she working now over the summer to save some money to fund herself on some things?

Also @WomblingTree86 what I'm trying to get across is that while lots of well off students exist keeping up with them is expensive, if they form part of your main friend group. Of course, university is about new people and most people have friends from a variety of backgrounds - but still a 'main' group... Who will be their housemates for the following years for example.

I went to LSE less than a decade ago and remember all these people living a completely unrelatable lifestyle. Holidays every few weeks (yes students travel on cheap tickets, but there's still a limit!). Never cooked, always ordering takeaway and then telling me I'd regret spending too much time in the kitchen (erm guys sorry I'm poor, no money for daily takeaway).
Shopping trips to Bicester village... Lots of meals and drinks out. Michelin starred restaurants.

Thankfully I made a sensible group of friends to house share with...

@Astsjakksmso Thsts not really true though. The DD has one of the most expensive student flats she can get!!! She has all of that paid by her grandparents. To put it in context £350 a week for 42 weeks is £14,700. If it’s 50 weeks as some flats are in London, it’s even more. By any standards, just the rent is more than the full loan many survive on.

How do you know the op and grandparents won’t continue to subsidise? The grandparents and dd sorted the accommodation. She could have saved £££££ but didn’t. It’s obviously easy money and pushover grandparents. No doubt plenty more available on top of the £40,000 plus they are already throwing her way over 3 years. She would have easily been ok with £250 a week rent releasing loads more money for living and socialising. Instead she has an unused grandparents generosity and parents just stood back and let her do it. That’s not a sensible approach to money and DD. It’s very hands off.

£500 a month in London is low regarding living costs but it didn’t have to be like that. This DD has expensive tastes. An expensive hobby. Plus took the max she could from grandparents. Looks like her values are not that high to me.

@Astsjakksmso Sorry! I’ve probably misinterpreted what you said. Wealthy people do subsidise a lot. But the grandparents appear pretty wealthy on the face if it.