DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

Your plan sounds sensible. My only add would be a job isn’t just for money and a 21 year old competing in a graduate market with just a little local cafe experience on her cv will be at a disadvantage.
I’ve already posted about trying to monetise her tennis eg summer camp work so money and good for cv/interviews.
I can understand not working too much in term time if the financial need isn’t there but they have extensive holidays.
I’m in law and was helping a new colleague (recent graduate) who had some difficult client calls. She’d done well and told me she used to work in co op snd said dealing with customers kicking off with fake id or arguing over how many loo rolls in Covid had put her in a good position. She also said in interviews for legal graduate jobs she’d been asked a lot about her co op job rather than her law degree.

@j1307, that’s an incredibly useful post. Really thoughtful of you to post in so much detail.

we’ve hired a nutritionist to help her make a meal plan which is both uni friendly and sustains her lifestyle)

Isn’t this exactly the sort of thing she should be working out for herself in order to encourage independence, rather than being nannied by a professional nutritionist? There’s plenty of info online for her to access, plus books on sport nutrition. You not only seem to be overprotecting her financially but keeping her away from anything requiring independent thought.

Plenty of people who have extremely active lifestyles seek the advice of a nutritionist. This isn’t being nannied, it’s getting professional advice based on her activity level and needs to take care of her body. Most people doing sports daily for several hours would seek advice on this too.

@notwavingbutdrowning1 meant my last reply to your comment

@Dixiechickonhols

My only add would be a job isn’t just for money and a 21 year old competing in a graduate market with just a little local cafe experience on her cv will be at a disadvantage.

I fully agree. My son had several "online" interviews (live and recorded) when looking for graduate jobs, and he told us most of the questions were about his work experience, asking about how he dealt with difficult customers, how he dealt with conflict, how he dealt with problem solving, real life experiences working with Excel, etc. He said he'd really have struggled without proper work experience as they were wanting examples, not just text book theory as to what he'd do in theory, and some of the interviews were very in-depth wanting a lot of detail and not just superficial answers. And that was for "back office" type jobs, not customer facing! He'd attended loads of Uni careers advice sessions, done "mock" interviews etc., but he was still shocked at the grilling he got and the detail of answers he had to give, even for a job completely unrelated to the jobs he was applying for.

Not read all the replies, but a good benchmark would be to pay the difference between the full loan for London away from home and the actual?

We did this for our DD1 done years back. Worked it to be the accommodation costs so just paid those directly. She managed everything else on the minimum loan. Never worked in term time, but did a fair bit of holiday work that paid off any o/d she ran up.

Most people doing sports daily for several hours would seek advice on this too.

You may know people who do, OP, but there are also plenty who don’t have a professional nutritionist on hand. I doubt that many students do.

Taking the nutritionist thing as an example, did your DD do the research and choose one who was suitable? Or did you? Who decided she needed a nutritionist?

Is she coming up with a budget for university or are you doing all the legwork?

Is she choosing her pots and pans and bedding or are you?

I really benefited from my parents putting me in the lead on these things - they got me to do a budget, write a list of what I needed etc, they didn't baby me.

@WarriorWalrus please ignore the posters who know absolutely nothing about elite tennis. Of course it is perfectly possible to combine university with playing at a very high level of doubles indeed – Maia Lumsden, who plays in the women's doubles quarter-final at Wimbledon later today has done exactly that. It's also possible to get a degree, play university tennis and then give the sport a serious shot after graduating: Britain's highly ranked doubles pair of Olivia Nicholls and Alicia Barnett did this – Olivia studied at Loughborough, Alicia in America. To date they have won 15 doubles titles on the ITF circuit and 1 on the main WTA Tour.

The standard of university tennis is top-class these days, some almost operate an American-style scholarship system and it is highly likely that your DD won't have to pay any registration or kit costs at all. Gym and S&C will also likely be free or highly subsidised. She may even be able to get some sort of grant towards her individual coaching, either via the university or through the LTA, definitely worth looking into. Good luck to her.

@thing47 but Maia Lumsden for example has made 8.5k in dollars in prize money this year, even assuming she has some sponsorship money, she is barely covering her touring costs. It costs a lot to travel the world and pay for coaching and nutritionists and stuff.

Olivia Nichols has made 36k in dollars in prize money this year.

The reality is that the OP's DD isn't going to earn lots of money playing professional tennis. The players who earn the big bucks are the ones who are good enough and have the drive to go pro earlier. I mean it sounds like the OP might be happy to find her DD indefinitely to do whatever she wants in which case fair enough but let's not pretend the pro tennis is a serious career option

We just pay accommodation and DC live on the loan and top up with a job if they need to.

I am guessing that she has chosen one of the larger en-suites or studio flats in the Atlas building? For those that don’t know this is part of the recent development in Vauxhall/Nine elms around the US embassy and Battersea power station etc.
So £350 a week for a student place seems cheap when some of her neighbours have paid millions for studios or one beds in the area.

If so, having seen at lot of the students around there, I hope she has her Louis Vuitton and Prada ready!
These days, as they need to get in a lot of funding via international students, some students in London are in a very different world to the typical student life. (Maybe time to watch the film “Crazy Rich Asians” for inspiration).

If Op is happily funding the tennis hobby then it doesn’t matter if it’s making money or not. Lots of sports cost money to compete in hence dominance of privately educated people in some sports.
As long as not impacting her studies then it will help her stand out plus demonstrates commitment etc. It may also give her contacts that will help with internships and graduate employment if she’s mixing with other players from privileged backgrounds.

Separate issue but "The career she wants will involve building industry specific experience which is going to be unpaid for the most part." Only the individuals that can afford not to be paid for any work they do can access this. Individuals that have to slog away working to support Uni costs have a massive disadvantage. Privileged children again have it handed to them on a platter.

I just saw you said Southwark so I am changing my guess to Moonraker Point. That is an amazing location right by Borough Market. It is approximately where (fictionally) Bridget Jones lived in the films, but a lot fancier now than in those days.

I am sure she will love living there!

No not Atlas, she will be in Southwark and this is standard ensuite.

Whichever one it is, they are all very newly refurbished and really nice, so I am sure she will love it.

Sorry didn’t see your second reply, yes it is this. Hopefully she has a great time!

@WarriorWalrus I think you’ve been more than gracious in your responses.

My dc are at independent schools. I’m more than familiar with people making assumptions. My children have both had “jobs” since primary school (small pet sitting, garden watering, mothers help type work). They will get more structured “proper” jobs when they are legally allowed to. I think it’s really important for children from privileged backgrounds (and I include your children and mine) to have work on their cv that shows they can turn up on time, take direction, be motivated to (at least partially) support themselves.

My dc pay for every single school trip themselves. £20 to £2000 (or more when older!). I could pay, but they like the challenge of earning enough and feel pretty proud of themselves.

I wasn’t able to work during term time as a student (oxbridge rules) but worked every Easter holiday and most of every summer holiday. I paid for my masters tuition and most living costs - I’m still proud of myself for doing that. My parents paid my accomodation and gave me £200 per month.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. But be careful of your daughter being labelled “spoilt” etc when she arrives. Tell her not to discuss finances with anyone until she’s sure they’re real friends (or never!). People can be twats about parents being generous.

I hope she has a great time. Kings is an awesome place. Oh, and 100% think she should consider civil service fast track. There are also MASSES of v junior civil service jobs she could get in the long holidays that would be excellent experience (personally and professionally).

Blimey, they get double beds in that hall of residence. It's like they want them to have sex!

@WarriorWalrus - I know that area really well - she can walk to Geraldine Mary Harmsworth Park by the Imperial War Museum - in 10 minutes or so - the courts are pretty well maintained and the local club - Southwark City Tennis Club - is really lovely if she wanted to find some coaching work I imagine that they'd be really interested. There would be a significant market for private coaching for really lovely families there and in Kennington Park if she was looking for that sort of work - DM me if this would be of interest

I'm really laughing at this argument that you had to work hard and struggle so now you don't want your child to do the same 😂 this is why the next generations are going to be so much poorer etc. because no one is teaching them how we managed to become successful in the first place 🤷‍♀️

Civil Service fast track is one of the most difficult careers to get. The stats are awful. Really low success rate. Does Southwark City tennis club need students with nutritionists? Or are they a hobby club?

I am utterly bemused why a poster who says grandparents are paying £1400 a month for accommodation(which @Circular has not read about,) then says dd is elite at tennis and needs a nutritionist, and then cannot work out what spending money she needs after paying school fees for years! The answer is obviously lots! And lots. So at least made up to maximum loan and then some.

Most make little from tennis. Parents pay - all the time.

I'm a hiring manager and 100% agree. We ask a lot of competency based questions where graduates need real experience. Recent, so pre-uni cafe work won't really be relevant.

'Unpaid' journalism etc work is fine to a certain extent. If all she is doing is submitting written pieces that's hardly going to demonstrate teamwork, conflict management, etc.