DD's uni costs

[WarriorWalrus]

DD1 is 17, 18 at the start of August. DH and I can't agree on what costs we should be covering while she is at uni and what she should budget for herself.
Due to our income DD only qualifies for the most basic maintenance loan. We have savings for her, so it won't be out of our monthly income (though I intend to keep putting money into her savings while she is at uni). Her grandparents have offered to pay for her accommodation (£350 a week).
So far we haven't figure out how much her monthly allowance from us will be, but we disagree on what this should cover. DH thinks the amount we set should cover everything, food, clothes, socialising, club fees, holidays etc.
I think food, socialising and day to day clothes sure, but she plans to join one of the sports teams so I think we should pay for the initial registration cost and kit costs, allow her to use money from the savings for travel, she currently gets private coaching in her sport, I think we should pay for this to continue at uni (I know she wants it to) and step in with extra money for more expensive clothes for events or such.
We don't want her to and she doesn't intend to get a job (Uni, Socialising, Sport and extra work to help future career should take up most of her time). But we do want to teach her to budget.
AIBU to think the additional things should be covered by us, anyone with Uni aged kids got a rough idea of how much she will need monthly?

I would pay her accommodation and let her live off her maintenance loan. I would top up with occasional gifts or food vouchers.

I would pay for her sport - to include coaching/first aid qualifications. She could see if any of the London unis coach her sport to youngsters and get a job coaching which would be after school or at the weekend.

Additionally, DS had no opportunity for term time work with his degree and no expectation from us to do that. He became a savvy shopper and more economical. It made him think about what he was choosing to spend his money on and what impact that might have for other choices. DD could have worked but didn’t and has accepted the consequences of her financial decisions and is turning it around.

https://www.kcl.ac.uk/accommodation/residences

Op says it’s Uni student accommodation not private. The dearest is £347 a week. Nothing under £200 a week via university.

I can understand why she’s wanting halls and if grandparents are willing to pay it’s not an issue.

It’s never an issue if it’s someone else’s money.

@Dixiechickonhols , that's not the case. KCL residences start at £169pw.
https://www.kcl.ac.uk/accommodation/residences

The next price wise is £215pw, which is still considerably cheaper than £350.

That’s if you qualify for affordable housing (low household income/care leaver)

That’s if you qualify for affordable housing (low household income/care leaver)

No it isn't! It says Affordable rooms are available, not that they all are.

Not disputing Op’s child has chosen the dearest uni halls but it is the cost of an en-suite room with shared kitchen (the studios are £400 plus)
I sat through kings and ucl accommodation open day talks in last 2 weeks.

This is a great aspiration but certainly not the case in reality. Some careers and creative/sporting pursuits will always be closed off to people from a poor background (because the pay is abysmal and they require living in London or another expensive city), and smaller firms will continue to offer work experience and internships to their employees’/clients’ offspring. Nothing can really be done about that.

The harsh truth is that OP is actually acting rationally by subsidising her daughter and providing her with the financial support she needs in order to pursue such a competitive career as journalism.

We don’t have children but one of the reasons I am keen to stay living in London is so that my nephews have somewhere to stay should they need to come down here for unpaid/low-paid internships and the like.

Well that was certainly my understanding that my DC had no chance of a room under £220 ish. I’ve prioritised sitting through talks and speaking to accommodation staff as cost of London accommodation is a big concern.

I know the cost of the accommodation is staggering to some point. Several people have posted links showing the options at DDs uni, confirming that while it is the most expensive, £350 for ensuite room with shared kitchen is a thing in London!!
I was not involved in the accommodation, my parents paid for nephews accommodation throughout his BSc and Masters, he is just due to finish now, admittedly a cheaper city but none the less. If DD does the 3 years BA then a year masters she will be finishing as her sister is ready to start, clearly this is something my parents are happy to do, and they selected, where, cost etc. with DD and are fine with it.

It's not miserable at all - it's just what most students do. I'm sure lots might want to go clubbing twice a week, but many just can't afford to. It's really not unusual - they just find other things to do - it doesn't mean they're not having a great time. They hang out, cook together, or go to places like the student union where prices are discounted and seriously there's nothing wrong with Wetherspoons! At this time of year, they'll hang out in parks or have barbecues if they've got outdoor space. Most live on a basic grant then part time work tends to pay for clubbing and gigs. Even on a low budget you can still get lots out of London. eg: they can't afford normal theatre ticket prices, but still go as there are discounts for students often and day tickets they can queue for. You're right, no one wants their DC to miss out on the great things on offer, but remember lots in London is free, eg: lots of the museums are, etc.

With food, I think someone else thought £25 was enough, but I agree with you on that - £25 is tough to eat healthily on, but £40-£50 is doable. Maybe the OP's sporty daughter needs more, but £100 + a week is more than than many people survive on, let alone students!

Honestly, OP, I think you'd be better talking to friends IRL who may have similar finances to you. For the rest of us, your idea of what budget students need is pretty weird. And by giving her too much, you'll risk her missing out on all the interesting mixing between people of different backgrounds at uni, because her lifestyle and theirs will be completely unrelatable. If I were you, with unlimited funds, I'd pay for her private sport tuition, as that's more in the 'education' pot in my mind, and the rest she sorts out for herself on the minimum loan amount, plus perhaps a 10% top up from you to ease things very slightly. She should get a job either during the long uni holidays or in term time, to top herself up, and get valuable life skills in the process. One of mine is a medic who plays first team sport with training 5 nights a week, and she also parties hard and runs a society. She has always had a job too, either in the holidays or term time. I don't know what subject your DC plans to study or what sport he/she does, but I'd be surprised if it was massively more time consuming than that. You are setting her up to have a hard adulthood if you mollycoddle her too much now.

I'm sorry, @WarriorWalrus, I don't wish to get personal, but if your DD sat down with her GPs and chose the most expensive accommodation available, then that doesn't reflect very well on her. No matter how rich they are.

We paid dd’s accommodation cost so she’s had her loan to live on and about a 100 extra per month from a great aunt. We also paid for all car expenses and phone. She’s not worked in term time but has worked in the holidays to pay off her student overdraft.

It’s finding the balance between having a good time and being responsible. They only have a short time before they enter the rat race and real life. They need to enjoy it. Having said that, Dd has learnt the pain of having to pay off overspending and is now a lot more sensible after going overboard in year one.

I think you should pay the sports stuff and she lives off the loan and holiday earnings. Let her earn money to pay for real luxuries. The important thing is to give a budget - whatever that is, but let her suffer the consequences of overspending. Don’t bail her out.

It's not miserable at all - it's just what most students do.

Agreed, @Lint6. My DC is at Oxford and a night out at Wetherspoons is the norm.

I think if her accommodation is covered and you pay the extras like phone bills and sports related activities then her maintenance grant can be the one she lives on day to day. It might not be a case of budgeting in the student pot noodle sense but it might be a case of 'I can't go out tonight as I haven't got any funds left this month'. Which is fine, as long as you've raised a sensible child she doesn't need to be scrimping and scraping to 'learn'.

Halls are great fun so ignore the suggestions of cheaper alternatives like buying a flat. Getting a job in the summer / winter holidays is good for maintaining work ethic - she will have coursework etc at uni so hardly like she's twiddling her thumbs.

Your daughter sounds like a lucky girl and hope she has a brilliant time. I'm jealous. As are a lot of others on this thread I think!

(Also re. Journalism - it leads on to a lot of different careers. I was on a journalism course and on graduating we all work in lots of different but overlapping industries - PR, publishing, marketing, graphic design, recruitment, events. Let her worry about that when the time comes!)

I think it's reasonable that you pay for your daughter's expenses, rent, food etc during term time. If you have the money why not?

I think a summer job is a good idea though, not so she can suffer penury, but it's good for self-confidence and self-esteme.

I think she's quite young to decide that journalism is all she wants to do - it is very competitive, even at university level. What else would she like to do?

Unless she is a nepo baby it can be very hard to break into, I have a couple of friends who were very involved in student journalism, one is now working in PR - not her first choice, but it's a job, the other is a sub-editor, steady job but not what he had hoped for.

Ah, just saw her sport is tennis - nice! Definitely not too old to go pro - especially doubles. She will enjoy uni (BUCS) tennis. A great way to make friends. They will most likely have discounted rates and courses for coaching and umpiring qualifications so that will be a really nice thing for her to get involved in.

If i know DD and my mum then I Imagine it went something like

"Oh some of the cheaper nice one are booked up, so i'll go for this other cheap one" - DD
"Don't be silly, look at location and amenities"
"No Grandma that's so expensive"
"I don't care, pick where you will have the best time, what about this one?"
"No thats £350"
"Oh that's fine go for there"

My parents are in good financial standing and not extravagant personally but give their grandkids everything and then some. There is no convincing my mum otherwise, she's stubborn !!

You’re not going to get the answer you want on mumsnet so I don’t see the point trying to respond to each post to justify your decision. You and your husband should discuss and agree what you want to do.

Has she actually looked into the prospective salaries / career paths for journalism jobs? She might be disillusioned.

Especially now. I'm one of the lucky ones; the print media didn't start tanking until toward the end of my career, so I earned well. But what they are paying now is abysmal and there is not much room for growth.

Sure, a few superstars on TV earn well, but for the most part journalism is dead; anyone with a smartphone can call themselves a journo these days. I would strongly, strongly advise against investing in a journalism degree. The two best journalists I know personally didn't attend uni at all (they are in their 40s now). Either you have the gumption and the instinct to be a good reporter, or you don't.

Get the master's degree in a much more substantial subject (not "marketing and communications" or "psychology" either. More like applied statistics, or economics.)

She sounds like a spoilt brat who wouldn’t have a clue how to function in the real world. I can’t believe you think it’s beneath her to fund her own social life as an adult. What happens when she’s earning a pittance as a new graduate? Or will mummy and daddy be funding that too?

Yes she's super excited for BUCs tennis!! Hoping to find a new doubles partner (her last partner left due to injury after they competed together, nationally and internationally, DD was heartbroken, didn't want to find someone else, honestly was worse than when he BF of 18 months left her!!).
She doesn't want to do singles pro, but would be interested if it were doubles, which is why we have had a pause through sixth form from any progress.

It’s very kind of your parents to pay her accommodation. All I will say as a cautionary point (based on children of friends who are at KCL and UCL) is that the more expensive the accommodation the more disposable income the students within that accommodation will have. The average student paying £350 will have a fairly unlimited disposable income - jetting off to a European capital for the weekend / copious meals out / expensive clubs etc etc are the norm.

I would maybe give some thought to whether a) you want to find this lifestyle and b) how would your dd be affected socially if she couldn’t keep up with her massively wealthy flatmates. It may be a more modest accommodation would provide her with better / more appropriate friendship opportunities?