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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH won’t call repairmen

79 replies

Nyna · 08/07/2023 23:54

So this might be an odd one. a bit of context.

I bought a flat last December by myself. I have been in a relationship for three years, but I bought on my own. He relocated for me and he has his own flat in another city.

The flat needs a bit of work and the purchase itself was a hectic process. I did it all on my own, though he will argue he came with me to choose appliances and such.

There are a couple things that need to be done in the windows (and in many other places). Around April I said: I will arrange the curtain fittings and you arrange the other window repair.

I got the curtain fittings. He hasn’t done his part. I remind him two or three times a week, he always says he has been too busy all day. Or that he called and they didn’t pick up. I share the contact again that he has to call or that he could even Whatsapp. No “luck”, and it’s f*cking tiresome, it’s been months.

I did my part and he hasn’t done his. But it’s a cosmetic thing so he doesn’t REALLY care. But I need to see that he helps with something, if that makes sense?

Today I told him that until he calls I won’t be calling anywhere, not even take away. He then said he just doesn’t like calling people, so that’s an admission that he wasn’t even trying. If that fear is true that’s actually also a real fear of mine, but I do what I have to do. He knows I hate it (I have social anxiety) and he still makes me call restaurants and other places 90% of the time. Someone has to, I guess.

AIBU in standing my ground and never calling anyone “for us” ever again?
And AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
5foot5 · 09/07/2023 00:03

It's your property. Why are you expecting him to do this?

My DD bought her first flat just over a month ago. She needed to get people in for one or two jobs that needed doing. That was down to her as it is her place. Why are you expecting your OH to do this for you?

IncompleteSenten · 09/07/2023 00:07

You say "But I need to see that he helps with something, if that makes sense?"

Is it that he is taking the piss and leaving everything to you and this is your hill to die on, so to speak?

HeddaGarbled · 09/07/2023 00:09

Most service providers (and takeaway providers) can be contacted without the need to phone.

PowerBMI · 09/07/2023 00:20

To be fair, if he doesn’t own the flat he shouldn’t be arranging work on it.

Is this one thing in a long line of things, such as him never doing his share of housework?

Dp lives in my house, since I own it I arrange the work. I pick the repair man, get the quotes etc and pay for it.

If Dp was paying he would pick the repair man, but then if he is paying for improvements to the property we would be muddying the waters if we split.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 09/07/2023 00:23

It's your flat. You have a phone. You have the number. You have a voice. There is a clear way to get this done ...

pizzaHeart · 09/07/2023 00:23

So do you want to feel that he is taking part too or do you want him to pay for this or both?

ilovesooty · 09/07/2023 00:31

I couldn't be bothered with this
I'd phone them myself.

QueenBitch666 · 09/07/2023 00:43

It's your flat. Get it sorted yourself

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2023 02:16

Is this a joke? Op, what on earth? It's your flat, you're an adult. Make the call and get the shit handled.

The flat needs a bit of work and the purchase itself was a hectic process. I did it all on my own, though he will argue he came with me to choose appliances and such.

He'll "argue" about it? He tries to glory hog which appliances were purchased?

Today I told him that until he calls I won’t be calling anywhere, not even take away. He then said he just doesn’t like calling people, so that’s an admission that he wasn’t even trying.

He's been lying to you about making a simple phone call? FFS. Get rid of this useless twat. He can go back to his own flat and refuse to call people from there.

MintJulia · 09/07/2023 02:28

It's your flat, you want the work done. Just ring them or email them, whatever it takes.

Your OH isn't bothered, you aren't a partnership and you can't rely on him to help you (or to tell the truth) so enjoy a casual relationship if you wish but don't plan anything serious with this man.

WandaWonder · 09/07/2023 03:54

So this is more of a mental game playing thing as you are capable of arranging this yourself?

FluffyFlannery · 09/07/2023 03:59

This is just plain weird and you sound controlling. By on earth should he have to call? To prove his loge for you? Get a life lady.

RantyAnty · 09/07/2023 04:05

Does he live with you?

ThinWomansBrain · 09/07/2023 05:15

expecting him to share these tasks would make sense if you jointly owned the home - but you don't.

M0chaMocha · 09/07/2023 06:33

Your property
You make the calls to arrange repairs

Codlingmoths · 09/07/2023 06:36

Make the call for the windows. Ditch the man who can’t be bothered participating in daily life because getting stuff done is your problem. Making no calls for him ever again is a good start, but it just means never going out on an organised date with him again doesn’t it? So your plan is also the same as ditch him.

TreesandFish · 09/07/2023 06:39

Do you organise repairs in his flat? This whole thing sounds ridiculous to me. It's your flat so get on with it and do your own calls!

Gracewithoutend · 09/07/2023 06:42

I am him. I hate calling workmen. Hate it. And a bit scared. I don't know why. Maybe because they'll say no? But I don't know why that's a big deal. Anyway, I'll do everything I can not to ring people.
Strangely, I'm very comfortable physically calling in at a shop somewhere to book workmen, just not on the phone.
I do think, though, that as he lives there, he should be responsible for some tasks round the house. Maybe you could compromise and get him to do other things that cause you stress but he's happy doing?

Goldfoot · 09/07/2023 06:42

I don't understand, if it's your flat, I'd assert that by making sure you manage all the stuff relating to the structure. Of course he should do his bit if he's living there but that would be cleaning, cooking, shopping IMO.

billy1966 · 09/07/2023 06:42

Your property, yours to sort out.

Dump him though.

Ginger1982 · 09/07/2023 06:42

You're being ridiculous.

speluncean · 09/07/2023 06:43

But it's your flat. This is for you to do.

Cheeseplantt · 09/07/2023 06:49

My DH absolutely hates calling anyone, especially people he doesn't know & really would struggle to call a repairman. He's great at lots of other things but freezes up with things like this. So I do it. Its both our house so we play to our strengths and I deal with all calls, repairs, building work etc.

In your situation I don't understand why he has to call as its not his property. And now he's told you he doesn't like calling people (it is an actual cause of anxiety) I still don't get why you are insisting he does it. Just do it yourself - why is this the hill you've chosen to die on?

RedRobin100 · 09/07/2023 06:51

Weird

why is it his job? It’s your flat do it yourself

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/07/2023 06:51

To be fair, sorting curtain fittings is piss easy. Trying to get actual repairs done to a property in some parts of the country where there’s plenty of work is a massive pain in the arse. Tradesmen here don’t ring back/say they can’t help/don’t turn up to quiet when they say they will and you’ve taken time off work/don’t send you the quote. It’s honestly painful trying to get a simple job done so I HATE phoning for that reason, not because of any phone phobia or anything.

I wouldn’t be enamoured with having to arrange repairmen for a property that wasn’t even mine. I would be happy to be there for when the work was actually getting done. But the hassle of chasing up and getting the quote in should be yours I think.