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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else just feel so ugly? Need advice

82 replies

Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:13

I know it's a stupid thing to say and I'm sure I am not objectively. I also don't have a lot of money to 'fix' things which doesn't help.
My chin has a lot of acne, I use cerave BHA on it but doesn't seem to do anything. I put tea tree oil on, it does dry them up but they always come back. I'm on the mini pill, not sure what else would help.
I'm 32 which I know is still young and I'm sure older people will tell me I'm being ridiculous. However it's that age where you're conscious you're not in your 20s anymore and notice the first signs of ageing.
I've got small crows' feet, marionette lines and dark circles under my eyes/lines underneath.
I had filler on my nasolabial folds because they really got me down. However I don't want to start having it everywhere as it's expensive to maintain.
Anyway, I've been using tretinoin (a dermatica) subscription for around 5 months and I've honestly not noticed any improvements in the lines. Maybe a slight improvement in the dark circles but it's hard to tell.
I wear SPF 50 every day and have done since I was about 19, don't sunbathe, don't drink, never smoked etc.
I've also got a lot of open pores on my cheeks and they always seem to be red.
I've got hooded eyelids which already seem to be sagging.
My teeth could do with whitening.
I've been growing out a pixie cut for around 5.5 months, it's now into a very short bob but I just don't think it suits me. I don't really know what does.
Sorry for the rant, I just feel that if I had a lot of money I could 'fix' all this but I can't.
I see so many attractive women around and I feel so bland in comparison.

OP posts:
Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:14

I thought tretinoin was supposed to be some sort of miracle worker but it doesn't seem to be doing anything for me

OP posts:
Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:18

To top it off, some bloke on Facebook today who I don't even know thought it'd be ok to tell me I definitely look my age or older. Not that there's any shame in it, but he was clearly trying to bring me down.

OP posts:
TheLostNights · 08/07/2023 18:18

I'm older, at 38 but feel the same.
I have always had a large nose, now it looks bigger than ever, I think age has had something to do with that. Thin hair, thin lips, flatchested, ridiculously small ears etc. No advice but sympathy as I know how horrible it feels x

Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:19

I'm sorry to hear you feel bad too. I'm sure you look nice but I know it's easy for me to say. I hope we can both feel better.

OP posts:
bonfirebash · 08/07/2023 18:21

Tret is long term. I've been using it for about 4 years now. My skin is clearer and I don't look much different but that's kind of the point - I don't look 4 years older Grin

Gonnawashmymouthout · 08/07/2023 18:23

Are you having or due a period? I’m asking because I feel ultra ugly then, and the fine once it’s over

TheSnootiestFox · 08/07/2023 18:23

In the nicest possible way, are you being overly critical here? I've always had crinkly eyes as they're genetic, but I'm 50 and don't have many other wrinkles/marionette lines and I've never really bothered with sunscreen. If you start on the fillers etc now by the time you're my age can you imagine how high maintenance you'll be? I completely get wanting to look like you did in your 20s (with me it's my body though) but honestly you're going to make yourself miserable. Whitening your teeth does make a big difference, but get them done professionally. I've got bleaching trays and actually mine could do with a blast now tbh. It just makes you look fresher. Loads of water and tonnes of moisturiser (doesnt have to be expensive although Elemis Marine Cream is my weapon of choice) would be my tips from the 'other side' age wise!

Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:24

That's good to hear it's worked, maybe it's just worked for me but I cannot tell, I sort of expected it to reduce the lines.
Sounds stupid but can I use it on acne?
I've just had my period, which makes my skin worse, but still feel like this most of the time haha

OP posts:
Sotired22 · 08/07/2023 18:24

Have you tried glycolic acid? I find the pads from Nip+Fab good, not expensive either if you get them on offer (they often have offers on the website, or Superdrug often do too). It takes a while to show results but it does really improve the appearance of your skin.

There’s also a Colgate toothpaste which is great at whitening, it’s called Max White Catalyst and is about £12. It does really whiten teeth in my opinion.

I’m sure you’re not ugly at all and no one else will be thinking the negative things you think about yourself. But there’s nothing wrong with taking a few steps to boost your confidence and feel better. Could you afford a trip to the hairdressers to get advice on your hair, or is it just a case of persevering with growing it?

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:24

A smile always makes you look better.
And think about diet and fitness as well.

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:26

Have you tried Clean and Clear blackhead cleanser ? Worked miracles on some painful red spots I kept getting on my nose.

bonfirebash · 08/07/2023 18:34

Yes! It cleared my acne up so well
Here's my skin now and before

Anyone else just feel so ugly? Need advice
Anyone else just feel so ugly? Need advice
DimeStoreHooker · 08/07/2023 18:34

You'll find a lot of people have moments like this, I do.

Luckily I have a short attention span so forget about it quickly!

It sounds like you need a pick me up

Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:34

Wow those are excellent results well done.
Thanks for all your replies I'll take the suggestions on board.
I guess my acne is hormonal

OP posts:
Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 18:35

I think that guy insinuating I looked haggard today didn't help, lol.
But anyway who even is he, just someone trying to put women down.

OP posts:
Lwrenagain · 08/07/2023 19:33

Firstly, you're going to feel crap whilst your hair is in that shitty in-between length, I'm not sure why, but it's an unwritten rule isn't? Growing out short hair cuts until it's in the "nice new style" phase, we're programmed to feel shit.
You're so young, get some cute clips and have a mess around getting it into some easy to manage and grow styles. Have a Google.

Stop having breaks with your mini pill if you can? I know mine was one I wasn't supposed to stop, (I was taking it for acne at 35, mostly on my chin too!) Look into that, it really helped.
Also, if its getting you down that much, ask your GP for some cream, often that's stronger than the stuff we buy online.

Botox/fillers/filters/whatever - you can't afford them so stick that idea into a box in the back of your head, I can't afford loads of crap that would make me feel better either, so let's just not give that head space.

Right, Jennifer Lawrence has hooded eyes, mine are slightly hooded, so you're in good company.
If you wear make up have a look at how Wayne Goss's technique for hooded eyes on YouTube, game changer!

White teeth are easy enough to achieve, just be very careful you're not wrecking your enamels.

I want you ask you questions about your style, how do you dress? Who's clothing styles do you like?
Maybe a slow change in bringing more cheerful pieces of clothing into your wardrobe might really benefit you?
I think the younguns call it dopamine dressing, in my day it was "a splash of colour" but dopamine dressing sounds fab to me.

Please realise how young you are when I say this, you've not even likely completely even half of your life. Let's not go into 33 feeling ugly over a few spots and some small crows feet pal, it's not fair on yourself.

Also, do you have people around you to cheerlead for you a bit? I found that I felt my worst when my tribe weren't actually very nice. Since leaving and making a smaller group of supportive friends my confidence went from shite to off the scale.

The style and beauty board I find really helpful also, nice and chatty & friendly and full of advice!

The massive insecure bellend on FB can just fuck off and die quietly in his mam's basement surrounded by his incel friends encouraging him to have a wank with a dressing gown belt around his neck.
Absolute fucking prick has nothing to offer you or anyone else. His words don't matter. If they did, he'd not use them to boost his own pathetic ego, because he'd not need too. We don't dwell on these gobshites @Boooooooring, they aren't worthy of our head space.

And lastly, I've been absolutely dragged for being unrealistic and unhelpful on here for saying this, but you know what? You won't be ugly. You just won't be. It's rare as unicorn shit people are genuinely ugly, we have too many nice features to be ugly! Smiles, kind eyes, freckles etc, the only truly ugly ones are the ones who end up wearing their god awful personalities on their faces.
Men in boardrooms profit from you feeling ugly, nobody else. 💐

Keepthedogthen · 08/07/2023 20:03

I’m 35 and I feel the same. I feel the last year and a half I’ve aged really badly. I do recommend pimple patches and salicylic acid for acne though.

Octopus45 · 08/07/2023 20:15

I second the dopamine brights tip. I'm not attractive, got called ugly a lot at school which I've never got over. I've got quite a noticeable eye problem. I'm also a bit pear shaped and very fair skinned. In my late 30s I started dying my hair bright colours and experimenting with make up. A few years ago I found out about Iris Apfel, she has this famous quote about not being pretty but having style, which really resonated with me. Whilst I will never be pretty, I do get compliments about my hair, clothes and make up which help. I know other people's opinions shouldn't make a difference, but to me they really do. I'm also much older than you, 48. It is a continuous fight against insecurity though with menopause etc.

DimeStoreHooker · 08/07/2023 20:29

@Lwrenagain yeah I did allsorts with my hair at that growing out stage. It was long enough to need assistance but not short enough to be left alone. I caught my forward shadow and looked like a mushroom. Hair grows.

OP experiment a little. We all age and (hopefully) adapt.

YearsofYears · 08/07/2023 20:30

Try to ignore that guy on Facebook. That is awful and just reflects on him and smacks of misogyny.

Can you see a dermatologist to look into underlying causes of the skin problems?
I'm mid-thirties and feel like I look a lot older in the last year or so. It feels like my peers and older friends and family look fantastic.
I'm really not keen to get into botox or fillers at the moment. Trying to take care of myself with sleep, eating nice food, good skincare and nice clothes. And just trying to get my self-confidence up. Okay, I don't have that fresh beautiful and slim look that I did in my twenties but I can make the best of myself. Feel better soon :)

Lwrenagain · 08/07/2023 20:33

@DimeStoreHooker I always look like I'm wearing a helmet 😂

OverTheCountryClub · 08/07/2023 20:34

Yes!! I look shit. I'm mid 30s and managed to lose a good amount of weight last year but now I look terrible - loose skin everywhere that is so ageing, plus I have small kids so I constantly look haggard and tired. I try to eat well, exercise, have a skincare routine and honestly I look worse than all my friends. I definitely look older than my age. Tempted to just give it all up and go back to being overweight - at least the fat fills in the wrinkles and saggy loose skin!

DimeStoreHooker · 08/07/2023 20:46

@Lwrenagain is that good or bad?!

I'd like to look nicer at the moment as a few things coming up, it's not a bad impetus to want to improve a bit :)

Boooooooring · 08/07/2023 20:47

Thank you everyone, your replies are really helpful. Sorry to hear some people are feeling the same.

OP posts:
3BSHKATS · 08/07/2023 20:48

Geewhiz wait til youre in your late 40s. I’m absolutely unrecognisable from just 10 years ago. I was all Apple cheeks and Disney princess eyes. Now I look less Shera and more like skeletor.

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