I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple of months and our upbringings were very different, I feel a bit out of place around my in laws as a result.
I’m from a very middle class family and from an area that’s considered disadvantaged. There’s roughly 500 houses spread between 13 different estates, most of the houses are council owned but there’s also a handful that are owned privately. My parents are one of those who own their house privately. Our estate is named after someone on hunger strike (Catholic area).
There’s been three murders and a handful of small crimes due to certain people living here, but I’ve only ever known the place as home and have had positive memories growing up here. In general, the area has a bad name and most people don’t go on and get a third level education so there’s government grants to encourage the newer generation to go to university.
Of course, there’s a stereotype about how we should talk and act as we live in the town but my own accent and demeanour couldn’t be further from it. Usually when I introduce myself and say where I’m from, people laugh because they think I’m joking! When I first met my boyfriends sister, she laughed, said “yeah right!” and then made a lighthearted joke about the area.
The unemployment level is high. My father worked all of his life until the recession and my mother became the main bread winner for the family. Once the economy started to open back up, my parents both agreed that my father would stay at home (unless he found a good job) because childcare costs for my younger sibling would’ve defeated the purpose of him working.
Once my sister became older and consequently my father, he became less desirable for employers and had every job application rejected. I remember being sixteen writing cover letters and helping him with several applications. He became depressed because he was from a time where you didn’t finish school but went out to work and was now unemployed longterm for the first time, while his sixteen year old daughter was working part-time. He’s now 60, still unemployed, but has more or less accepted he’s retired by default.
My boyfriends family are very well off from inherited wealth. By the sounds of things, his mothers family encouraged their daughters to marry into well-off families from a certain denomination (Protestant) and they did. His parents recently had their homes and land evaluated and they figure was above £1,000,000.
They sent their children to a private, Protestant boarding school and paid for each child to go to university (and their accomdation) so no child had to work until their twenties. My boyfriends currently doing a masters (works full-time), his brothers are pilots, and his sister is a child photographer with her own business. They’ve had absolutely everything handed to them on a silver spoon (his parents had the means to do this) and will each inherit a portion of their parents wealth.
I can’t speak for any of his siblings but I feel this had a negative effect on my boyfriend. He currently works in retail while doing his masters, and seems to have no real work ethic because it’s a “low skilled” job. He is focused on his studies, has good grades, and does spend time outside of his course building his portfolio for future employers. At times, he can be a bit entitled (without realising it) and I’m always bewildered by it. Growing up, I was always told that if there’s a bin i.e. McDonalds, you put your own rubbish into it and clear the table, whereas my boyfriend would leave his rubbish there because “people are paid” to clear up.
For context, I grew up Catholic and he grew up Protestant but neither of us actually practice either religion or identity with either denomination now. His parents are very much avid church goers and even tricked his sisters husband (Catholic) into weekly meetings with the local Protestant priest before they got married! All of the siblings are married but I don’t think any of them actually married Protestant. Whereas my own father loves rebel music, only steps foot into a church for either wedding or death, and my boyfriend never even knew what rebel music was until we met.
On the whole, they’ve been lovely and very welcoming of me, but I know they’re quick to snub the area I’m from and my boyfriend seems to overcompensate for this by telling them I’ve a degree and a good job. When I’ve met cousins and aunts, one of the first questions they ask is “you’re from X, aren’t you?” so I know it has been discussed privately. My own boyfriend passes no need but I feel my in-laws look down on me a bit for it.
As a result, I try to avoid his family get togethers as I end up feeling awkward around the older generation. AIBU?