does this sound like reserve snobbery?

[wendall456]

Never wanting to eat in a restaurant that is slightly higher end than your bog standard brewers fayre or harvester.

Never going to the theatre.

Camping or holidaying in a 2 star air bnb rather than a 4 star all inclusive in a nice resort.

All of the above are what pretentious stuck up snobs do according to my partner. However I like these things but not all the time. I am turning into a snob because I enjoy these things.

Partner will not do any of the above with me and says I need to get rid of my hoighty toighty ideas if I want to stay with him. I love theatre and often go to the National to see plays with friends. As our children are getting older i am doing more of the above things with friends as he will not do them.

I will still go to the Harvester with him and the kids and also a camping break but I am not ashamed to admit I do like sometimes nice things and I know he doesn't and I am not expecting him to do these things with me but I can't understand why he doesn't like me doing these things with friends. He wouldn't mind at all if it was the cinema or a meal at the local pub.

I went to university so I do have friends from all walks of life not just middle of the road people (his name for "his" type of people).

He has just hit 50 and wants to retire within the next year. This is ok for him as he spends no money ever but he is worried that the older I get the more I seem to enjoy the above things and he doesn't like the pretentious person I am becoming. I am not pretenious but OCCASIONALLY I enjoy something nice!!

It’s not reverse snobbery he is just a controlling basic oaf. You know this. So what are you complaining about? You have chosen to be in a relationship with him, if you don’t like it (who can blame you) then end the relationship.

Surprised he's able to fit into your house with what I assume is a massive fucking chip on his shoulder. Unless you've both got massive pensions coming I can only imagine the miserly hell you're going to have to live in; in your later years.

If someone camps next to you at a campsite and has a bigger and better tent does he call them snobs aswell?

Also, how are your children "learning it's ok to pretend you are something you are not"? That just sounds like a massive inferiority complex deep seated in him, and he's trying early to clip their wings and keep them from climbing "above their station", perish the thought your children might grow up and enjoy different, sometimes better, things than him, and not be pretending about it, it's all a little bit sad a grown man doing that.

>He is also very worried about how our children are learning its ok to pretend you are something you are not.

In his mind, because he doesn't enjoy those things, it means no one does. They are only pretending to like those things. And they are pretending (to like Rosemary etc.) in order to be hoity toity.

He needs to see a therapist. Just because his father died at 66 doesn't mean he will. With daily advances in medicine, who know what they will discover in 20 years? He could chug on till 100 even now.

Unfortunately, a therapist is too hoity-toity.

Is he just cheap and finding excuses?

Hes a ray of sunshine, is he called Victor? 🤔 I won’t stay in less that 4* accommodation, would eat in harvester or somewhere nicer, no to camping or caravanning, I like the theatre. I am not a snob.

Let me guess, part of his plan to retire early counts on the fact that you will support him financially with mortgage, utilities, food etc. bin him off now, and he can live his miserable boring life all by him self.

He's got some awful attitudes and a big chip on his shoulder. Working class people have always done their best to access good food, culture and arts. Exhausted miners learning to play musical instruments and oil painting, the history of the workers education association, going to museums etc.

How awful to feel he and your children should 'know their place' and not enjoy any opportunity open to them.

I've spent most of my life in council housing, ex was a van driver, both left school at 16, we sure as hell didn't work hard all our lives to eat in Brewers Fayre and just watch TV. Every working class person I know does a wide range of activities to suit their interests.

Tell him he can stay on his knees and pretend to be a peasant on his own, and leave him, because it sounds like a bitter and miserable life.

And I say that as someone who loves camping...

Sounds like a massive chip on his shoulder and insecurity regarding what he is able to offer so tags anything else 'being a twat'. Is he saying, 'middle of the road people like him' don't need anything out of the middle, therfore his fragile male ego is not threatened by your 'hoitey toitey ideas'...... Sounds like he sees you and your choices, behaviours as an extension of himself that reflects on him. Makes me think of TV programme of old, 'Last of the summer wine' where one character is labelled posh and everyone else pats themselves on the back at how real they are.

the things youve mentioned enjoying are the things that you can enjoy once the kids are older and you have the freedom and probably the extra spare cash to enjoy them, all of those we do now wheras when the kids were younger and at home it would have been cheap and cheerful restaurants, caravan holidays in wales and maybe the panto at local theatre for them once a year

Actually, reading your other comments it sounds like you need to identify how you want the rest of your life to be. It's a toss up between being made to feel bad by him and feel more and more isolated or get out now. Let him get on with it and get your own new life sorted. It's your choice but he sounds like a resentful, rigid thinking, chip on his shoulder oddball. LTB.

LTB
Live your life how you want to.
It appears it does not include him.

What a joyless existence
Is this really what you want for the rest of your life ?
It seems that your wants and needs don't matter at all to him or those of your children.
He also seems incredibly insecure and lacking confidence if what other people do with their money bothers him so much!

Yes that sounds like inverse snobbery (which I think is the correct term) I would find that closed mindedness very hard to live with. If you can afford it I don't see what's wrong with treating yourself to a bit of luxury every now and again

@wendall456

I am not clever enough to do it but you might do a search on here which is "cultural capital " which as I take it is introducing your children to as many different experiences as you can ( clearly depends how financially easy that is ) There were some threads about this some years ago.

If he thinks that these outings are costing too much money - that is one conversation.

If he thinks that taking your children to a nicer restaurant or the theatre because they will "get beyond their station " - that is an entirely different discussion & honestly think if he does , that sounds like he hasn't much self confidence / esteem I I would be inviting him to remove the chip from his shoulder . Would a cheap opera trip cause him to implode .

If you have access to London @wendall456 OP then you can sign up for eg Royal College of Music and similar and they put on very reasonably priced productions. I suspect RADA might do similar but you would have to check.

He sounds hard work.

I don't think I'm snobby but I wouldn't eat at a harvester as I don't like the food, I'd rather go to weather spoons. A lot of local nice restaurants are around the same price as places like harvester etc.I do what I enjoy and don't really care whether people thinks it's snobby, chavvy, cheap etc. I think you can't let him stop you and your kids doing the things you enjoy.