The classic 'why don't you retrain?' question on MN

[theresalwaysguineapigcurry]

I've just read the 4999th 'why don't you retrain?' suggestion on mumsnet in the last week and I want to scream.
I am a single parent, trying to escape mostly minimum wage admin jobs. I have a degree and I'm relatively skilled. I've never had a 'career' as much as I've tried, I have applied for many graduate jobs, schemes, companies with progression opportunities. I think part of this is down to wanting to stay in the public sector and third sector. The highest level I've got is around 27K and then after that there's no more opportunities.
I do have limitations in that I'm not interested in working with numbers or HR. I like people, I like working in roles where you deal directly with people. I couldn't work in procurement or accounts or payroll.
So I decided to retrain and was lucky enough to be accepted onto a scheme which will allow me to become qualified in around two years. You also get paid a basic wage.
Whilst I am grateful this job has involved taking a £300 a month pay cut, having to commute 35 miles each day, having to find childcare which goes on past six to cope with the commute, doing my coursework on evenings and weekends, having to find overnight childcare for a week for training, giving up my NHS holiday allowance and only getting five days off between now and Christmas to cover all school holidays and also risking failing at it and then being unemployed.
So whilst I don't doubt that it will pay off and I pray I can make it work, it has taken every ounce of my courage and I still have frequent moments of thinking what the hell have I done. I simply could not have done it without support from my parents and their dad (one day a week). Lots of people don't have this, especially single mums.
So what I'm saying is, when people trot out the 'why don't you retrain?' line, please some idea of what that actually means and the work involved, also what these magical retraining opportunities are. I see 'part time accountancy' or 'open university' are often suggested without little insight about whether that suits the person's skills or whether they can afford the fees. If a mum is struggling on MW trying to make ends meet, it's very unlikely she could shell out for tuition fees!
Oh yes and the whole 'should have established a career before kids'. Well if we all had known that our relationships would fall apart, mortgage rates would rocket and lurpak would cost £15 then we'd all be playing the lottery more frequently!

I hope you feel better for getting that off your chest, honest

It's just, unless you write 600 words like that, then people won't know about the barriers and they shouldn't assume what are your barriers. The "Why don't you ..." question may be perfectly reasonable to ask.

You don't want to get stuck in defeatest attitude, right? Maybe there is space for saying "These are my challenges ... can anyone suggest anything I haven't thought of to move them?" in a more constructive way, always being open to idea that new opportunities may arise.

@lljkk sorry I know it was a bit of a rant. I just feel like it's constantly suggested with no real idea about what it means

I like the "get a better paid job" comments when someone is bemoaning the cost of living. Oh yeah, like they didn't think of that 🤔

Yanbu...its easier said than done

I think a lot of Mumsnet users are still stuck in the idea that there are lots of:
a) Free or heavily subsidised courses
b) jobs that are happy to take people on with minimal skills & provide them with on the job training if they show 'aptitude' or can convince an interviewer that looking after a four year old means they've got transferable skills to run a project and manage a corporate budget.

The reality is most have to fight for jobs that are lower skilled than what they're capable of, and most 'professions' require a two or three year course with an investment of 20k of tuition costs plus finding living costs for the same time.

It's just not realistic for so many. I'm in a job that pays well (for where I live) but is incredibly stressful and a lot of unpaid hours. The jobs people recommend I retrain in would cost minimum 16k in fees, two years of barely earning, and would leave me with a maximum salary of 5k less than I'm on currently!

Its along the same lines as 'why don't you move to somewhere with more jobs'....like moving areas is cheap

You sound awesome! Hope it works out, brave move. I can only imagine how tricky it is for you and although I’ve never trotted out that line you have definitely made me think. Good luck!

And tbh, a lot of mumsnetters have no clue about low paid work until their kid goes to uni and works 2 evenings in costa...

People are idiots OP

They live in social media fantasy land a lot of the time and have no idea about the realities and logistics of life in general let alone the 'why dont you retrain' factors.

I remember a really bad thread, this person posted, it was clear from the OP that this was a really vulnerable woman, very likely with some degree of learning need or trauma history (or both) which meant she had significant limitations, in terms of where she could live due to her finances, she couldnt drive, there were social services involved on and off with her children

You can guess the ideas that came thick and fast (with the emphasis on the thick)

Child minding
Taking in washing
Get a part time job (where she couldnt get to on public transport and pick her children up on time)
Move
learn to drive
Do work online (like that pays well)

Various other bright ideas.

I hope it works out. It is brave and very difficult to make yourself £300 worse off.
There is many a person its not practical for.

I also agree that not everyone is suited to every job even with training.

Because a lot of these people don't live in the real world.

Congratulations, you are very lucky to get the opportunity x What is the training for? What industry?

Hi OP. Just wanted to say great post. You’re exactly right often people think there are simple solutions to complex problems.

Glad there's a lot of people who also roll their eyes. I would actually say that there are more jobs that are dead end than there are ones with progression. Especially if you then look into part time jobs.
The reality is that I couldn't have stayed in my current job anymore due to it not paying enough to live on. I had to either retrain or leave the NHS and try to find a better paid job in the private sector.
I love playing MN bingo with the 'take in ironing' ' set up as a private cleaner' or 'find a well paying remote role' (to the person who hasn't worked since the 80's)

I hear you op. I'm a single parent, have been since my teens were tiny. It wasn't easy. I'm lucky I have a secure job. Retraining? Never got around to that.

I'm a loan mum too and just coming to the end of a 12 month full time course, I'm totally burnt out and still got my thesis to finish. It's cost me much more money than I expected, been completely stressful and I'm not certain there is a job at the end. Government help shocking too. No help with childcare costs and half of my student loan (all of which went towards the fees) has been taken from our universal credit. I wouldn't push anyone to do this of they weren't really sure about it. It's been relentless.

There are 2 people who say this. Those who have done it and, in the same way ex smokers like to preach, like to share it's possible. And those who haven't got a clue what level of work is involved.

I'm in the ex smoker category but understand not everyone wants to hear me mither on so I generally keep my own counsel about it.

Agreed. It does seem to get thrown around a lot on here and in a COL era, it's madness to assume someone can do that.

@Notanotherwun even with the ex smoker type category, there are caveats.
Technically I'm the same - I retrained in my late twenties from minimum wage roles. However at the time the course I trained in offered course fees paid, and a bursary. I didn't have children, lived in the grottiest/cheapest houseshare to keep costs low etc.

I can't recommend it to anyone now because the bursary was scrapped and the fees have tripled since then (and are on the student, no longer fees covered) Plus cost of living crisis means most people don't have a cheaper housing option available to them. It was only ten years ago I retrained but the accessibility has gone.

I also particularly enjoy the posters who quiz an OP about why their salary is not likely to increase 'why wont you progress in your career'

Erm because the OP is in any number of jobs where they are already at the top of their salary scale and/or working in the public sector where the wages have a natural levelling out, and/or their job is a NMW role but that is their job/career

@Rainpigeon that sounds exhausting and bloody well done for doing it! I'm not very far in and I'm realistic that I might not make it through. I'm determined but there's so many things working against me. Despite it being 'funded' and them being quite against working alongside placements, I'll probably still have to pick up the odd bank shift a week to make ends meet.

@bellac11 yes lol. Like if you work really really hard in housing you'll get a bankers style bonus!

I did it recently and my warning to anyone is that yes it is possible but only if you can manage stress, have a strong network around you and don't mind recklessly career hopping through fixed term contracts to gain experience for a few years.

OP it's the MN equivalent of 80s Tory politician Norman Tebbitt telling unemployed people in deprived areas to get on their bikes to look for work. He was completely out of touch with the harsh, desperate circumstances of many ordinary people's lives too

Too true, OH works in housing in a zone 2 London Borough. He earns less than the UK average wage. It wont go up

He doesnt have the desire, or personal, or IT or qualification capacities and qualities to go into management, which would be the next stage. He wouldnt be able to learn them either, his brain simply doesnt work like it would be needed to, to do that job or pass an interview for it. He is also in his 60s.