The classic 'why don't you retrain?' question on MN

[theresalwaysguineapigcurry]

I've just read the 4999th 'why don't you retrain?' suggestion on mumsnet in the last week and I want to scream.
I am a single parent, trying to escape mostly minimum wage admin jobs. I have a degree and I'm relatively skilled. I've never had a 'career' as much as I've tried, I have applied for many graduate jobs, schemes, companies with progression opportunities. I think part of this is down to wanting to stay in the public sector and third sector. The highest level I've got is around 27K and then after that there's no more opportunities.
I do have limitations in that I'm not interested in working with numbers or HR. I like people, I like working in roles where you deal directly with people. I couldn't work in procurement or accounts or payroll.
So I decided to retrain and was lucky enough to be accepted onto a scheme which will allow me to become qualified in around two years. You also get paid a basic wage.
Whilst I am grateful this job has involved taking a £300 a month pay cut, having to commute 35 miles each day, having to find childcare which goes on past six to cope with the commute, doing my coursework on evenings and weekends, having to find overnight childcare for a week for training, giving up my NHS holiday allowance and only getting five days off between now and Christmas to cover all school holidays and also risking failing at it and then being unemployed.
So whilst I don't doubt that it will pay off and I pray I can make it work, it has taken every ounce of my courage and I still have frequent moments of thinking what the hell have I done. I simply could not have done it without support from my parents and their dad (one day a week). Lots of people don't have this, especially single mums.
So what I'm saying is, when people trot out the 'why don't you retrain?' line, please some idea of what that actually means and the work involved, also what these magical retraining opportunities are. I see 'part time accountancy' or 'open university' are often suggested without little insight about whether that suits the person's skills or whether they can afford the fees. If a mum is struggling on MW trying to make ends meet, it's very unlikely she could shell out for tuition fees!
Oh yes and the whole 'should have established a career before kids'. Well if we all had known that our relationships would fall apart, mortgage rates would rocket and lurpak would cost £15 then we'd all be playing the lottery more frequently!

I agree with you OP. Education is so damn expensive and the ones who need it most can’t afford it, either because they can’t afford to not work full time or the fees are really high.

I am 3 years into a 4 year professional course but it took me 10 years after graduating to be able to afford the first 2 years and another year or so to get a job where my employer will pay the rest of it. I also had a baby during that time, so I had to get a second job to cover her nursery fees, while working full time to cover everything else. Not easy to fit study in around that, and my relationships and house are definitely suffering because of it.

@Tangled123 it'll be worth it when you get there!

yanbu
I think people forget it’s 2023 and the days of if you work hard it’ll all pay off are sadly over. I honestly think the only hope of being comfortable with all these rising costs is to be self employed. I read peoples stories on MN talking about how hard they work for a company and how stressed they are and it breaks my heart tbh.

i remember that thread. People clearly had no clue.

I think some of these women must have had a lot of support during their careers hence why they fail to see the logistics in retraining.

@Mumtothreegirlies yep, and also the difference in how much promotion and retraining opportunities are likely to come your way as a part time, or even full time working mother. Especially in the public sector.
If I absolutely busted my gut as a band 4 admin, if I learnt about every different part of, I don't know, cardiology, if I read every different text book on it, no one would come and offer me the chance to retrain. No one would give me a band 5 because I worked the hardest or knew the most. So what options do we really have?

I don't understand what you expect people to say or are you just having a moan?

Do you want people to say yeah you're right. You're stuck. Keep the nmw job, do nothing, or have more kids.??

@RantyAnty no, I'm saying 'just retrain' as as a suggestion to anyone who is struggling to progress in their career should have some idea about how they should achieve that e.g whether training is even available, free or affordable, whether it will actually result in a better paid job and whether it can do alongside a full time job. Otherwise it's just as useless as the 'take in ironing' comments.

While I mostly agree with your point on how difficult it is to retrain when you have small children, I do take issue with this: only public/charity sector, no numbers or HR. My DH is the same as you in his preferences but at least he doesn't complain about how little money he makes (mostly because I bankroll our lifestyle). The rest of us in the private sector doing numbers or something equally tedious and boring, make more money exactly because we're doing jobs that others don't want to do. Unfortunately public and charity sector will never pay well. And you are making a conscious choice, so own it. There's a part of me that would love to draw the lines you have. But financial security and comfort is a lot more important to me. The point is, especially in the UK where there are a lot of opportunities (and I say this as an immigrant to the UK a long time ago), you do have choices to make so I find the moaning a bit unwarranted in many situations, including yours.

I agree with you.

Sorry I had to re read that about 5 times You mean 'a lone mum', not a 'loan mum'.

To add OP, I've recently obtained a Bachelor of Nursing degree whilst working full time.

I am still recovering from it Mentally, physically (endless placements), financially.

Yes I agree with you. I wouldn't have been able to do it without support of my husband. We've spent a huge amount of money whilst I did 6 months placements, I wasn't making any money, plus needed lots of money for travel and accomodation.

You're not wrong OP - but I don't feel much sympathy for your moaning because you want to stay public/third sector. Unless your skills aren't transferable, or you think they give you significant benefits then your topping out is all because you value principles over money. Which is your own choice, but you can't complain then.

Private sector jobs don't necessarily have worse work life balance and stuff compared to these others

I always roll my eyes so hard when people trot out accountancy as a potential career. I started my career as a graduate trainee accountant back in the 90s. I hated it from the start but the money was fantastic so I kept at it and qualified in the mid-90s. But it made me so bloody miserable that I totally burnt out and had to quit after about ten years which completely fucked up my career for quite a while. So , unless you have a good aptitude and the right kind of personality I really wouldn't recommend it as a career. I hear the money isn't that great any more too. At least when I was hating it I was coining it in!

Ok, don't retrain. Stay where you are. Don't take any further training. It's too hard and a waste of time. Have another kid or 2 so you can struggle more.

I went part time and then left my career at 40 and started a business. Kids were a bit older and I had some help which gave me the space to try something. It wasn't financially viable. Went back to career but not into a single full time post.

Covid happened and I learnt a lot of new skills. Became more in demand.

At 50 I retrained mostly for free using the new skills and did a MicroMasters. For 2 years I worked 7 days a week. Not brilliant for the kids now teens.

Was very lucky to get a well paid remote job that I love. Been promoted in the first year. No Im management which is a different set of challenges.

I guess I'm saying that even later in life we have chances to build a career. It's very hard as a single mum with small kids though.

@theresalwaysguineapigcurry out of curiosity, what are you retraining in? Looking to make a change from public sector admin but feel stuck.

Also rereading that it's not clear but I worked full time all the time and did training etc on top of that.

Going against the grain. Sometimes the ‘retrain’ comments are valid. I’ve seen many posters on MN complaining about being on a low wage. Or making comments in threads where the OP is making £50k+ such as ‘stop complaining about being stretched, my household income is only £25k a year so you’re lucky!’ as though it was the OPs fault.

When asked why they are on so little money, they list a bunch of reasons which often boil down to choices, such as not wanting to do anything other than working in an art gallery or some such. That’s cool if they want to make such a choice, but then don’t complain about it.

Hi OP

This might not be an option but have you considered an apprenticeship in social work? It's just that you mention good with people. Social work apprenticeships are being increasingly rolled out. You have a job in the local authority (say, social care assistant undertaking need assessment reviews or as a social support officer); you apply to the apprenticeship scheme and then, if successful, get a place on a uni course which takes 3 years and on which you spend 4 days a week on the job learning and 1 day at university. You're paid mid-later 20k for the 3 years and don't pay for the course. You need maths gcse though.

It is hard work and you will have to do uni work in your own time but you're given 1 day every other week as a study day.

You qualify after 3 years, can register as a social worker and it's pretty easy to find a job.

Social work isn't for everyone but there's a variety of roles. You could work in adults social work with people with disabilities or older adults. Of course some social work roles are very stressful (Children's) or working with people with substance misuse issues where there's a greater degree of unpredictability and safeguarding, but not all roles are like this. And, contrary to belief, you can do 9-5. There is quite alot of paperwork/admin that accompanies the role but you are working with people. Salary is about 30k plus when you qualify.

Pissed myself when I read this! Like you can walk into a new high paid job really easily.
Oh shit, I hadn't thought of that 😳

So what do you want the replies to be? people can't wave a magic wand people make choices and need to work within those

Some people on here live in a bubble and don’t have a clue. They truly just don’t.

@RantyAnty how dismissive of the real challenges women face. To say "OK have another couple of kids and struggle more", wow

There's a big difference between not being able to spread yrslf thinner and having more children. I hunkered down "staying where I was" but I got a secure job as soon as it was possible.

IT'S necessary to either need to look after yr children, or pay somebody to look after your children.

As another more sensible poster pointed out, there are still opportunities to progress when yr children are older.

But leave teaching to do what?