The classic 'why don't you retrain?' question on MN

[theresalwaysguineapigcurry]

I've just read the 4999th 'why don't you retrain?' suggestion on mumsnet in the last week and I want to scream.
I am a single parent, trying to escape mostly minimum wage admin jobs. I have a degree and I'm relatively skilled. I've never had a 'career' as much as I've tried, I have applied for many graduate jobs, schemes, companies with progression opportunities. I think part of this is down to wanting to stay in the public sector and third sector. The highest level I've got is around 27K and then after that there's no more opportunities.
I do have limitations in that I'm not interested in working with numbers or HR. I like people, I like working in roles where you deal directly with people. I couldn't work in procurement or accounts or payroll.
So I decided to retrain and was lucky enough to be accepted onto a scheme which will allow me to become qualified in around two years. You also get paid a basic wage.
Whilst I am grateful this job has involved taking a £300 a month pay cut, having to commute 35 miles each day, having to find childcare which goes on past six to cope with the commute, doing my coursework on evenings and weekends, having to find overnight childcare for a week for training, giving up my NHS holiday allowance and only getting five days off between now and Christmas to cover all school holidays and also risking failing at it and then being unemployed.
So whilst I don't doubt that it will pay off and I pray I can make it work, it has taken every ounce of my courage and I still have frequent moments of thinking what the hell have I done. I simply could not have done it without support from my parents and their dad (one day a week). Lots of people don't have this, especially single mums.
So what I'm saying is, when people trot out the 'why don't you retrain?' line, please some idea of what that actually means and the work involved, also what these magical retraining opportunities are. I see 'part time accountancy' or 'open university' are often suggested without little insight about whether that suits the person's skills or whether they can afford the fees. If a mum is struggling on MW trying to make ends meet, it's very unlikely she could shell out for tuition fees!
Oh yes and the whole 'should have established a career before kids'. Well if we all had known that our relationships would fall apart, mortgage rates would rocket and lurpak would cost £15 then we'd all be playing the lottery more frequently!

I agree OP 100 percent.

This site has really opened my eyes to how so many people have no insight into how other people are not them, don’t have their resources or supports, or even energy levels. If you are someone who needs six hours sleep a night you have a whole load more time and energy to retrain than a single parent who needs ten and falls asleep exhausted at the same time as their kid! A whole load of things need to come together to retrain and not everyone has all of those things.

Yes I see your point, it can sound really dismissive. There's that balance between trying to encourage someone and toxic positivity!

This. People have no fcking clue. They seem to think doing a short part time course will suddenly enable you to bring in 100k or something. Its ridiculous.

@theresalwaysguineapigcurry You sound brilliant, I would love to work with someone who has your spirit. Couldn't dad do a bit more to support you? I mean my ex never did but you could ask?

I'm sorry of your struggles but this thread has made me smile! Completely with you OP and find the absolute clueless responses on threads to people struggling absolutely ridiculous. I'm one of those mums who feels trapped in low paid work even though I have a first class degree from a pretty respectable uni in a well respected subject, and I have been working continuously for almost a decade now (I'm late 20s). I've looked into retraining (mostly healthcare professions, but also some other roles) but it's simply not possible with preschool age kids, we just couldn't afford it.

Massive agree OP. I am really lucky, love my work, am freelance, work in nursery hours etc etc. My brain is AT CAPACITY with children/house/mental load and I can just about do a job that builds on my previous 20 years of work.

The idea that I'd be able to retrain and do something new is laughable. And I have so much privilege. "Just retrain or move where is housing is cheaper" is regressive "on yer bike" nonsense and well done for calling it out 😜

I agree OP. I did actually retrain in my early 30s when I was a single parent but it was almost 20 years ago and things were very different then. No tuition fees, a bursary, tax credits and I moved back in with my parents for the first 2 years of the 3 year course, so lots of childcare (not all) was covered. I was incredibly fortunate and I know that very very few people would be in that same position today.

Whilst retraining was a good move for me at that time, I would never ever breezily suggest 'just retrain' to someone struggling now - it's condescending and usually tone deaf to the realities for many people.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people on MN who can't see beyond the end of their own nose.

(And as for the point of this or similar threads, ime mostly posters just want an opportunity to rant, some sympathy/empathy or a listening ear. It's rarely a case of wanting their problems 'solved' by randoms on the internet. And that's fine.)

yanbu to say facile suggestions to “just retrain then” are annoying. You sound like a real grafter and I hope it works out for you!

I know that there is no magical high paying job without some work or retraining. I know not. What I'm referring to are comments which do not take into account personal circumstances and capability.
Like I said I would not be a good accountant, or coder. My brain doesn't work that way. An accountant might not make a good mental health nurse. Or SLT. Or HR professional.
There's just not loads of free courses out there, and if there are some aimed at low income parents they are generally aimed at getting people into work and/ or those who don't have a degree already. I'm not sure what Microsoft office training would offer me, when I have 10 years admin experience and I'm already in one of the better paid admin jobs for my region. It seems only on Mumsnet that admin jobs earning around 30K are common. There's some over that in higher education but I have never been offered an interview despite researching what they want and being able to demonstrate it through examples.
But aside from this, I don't want to work in admin anymore. I don't know whether it's through working alongside healthcare professionals but that is what I want to do. It's not easy though!

Completely agree op.

Quite right OP. I did a masters a while back and I was lucky enough to be able to fund it from an inheritance. I don't have kids, was already working part time in a related industry and I still found it very very tough so hats off to you! It still didn't lead to well paid job but that's a whole other rant...
Whole-heartedly agree that lots of posters on here have literally no idea how most people in this country live.
My personal favourites are 'take in washing/ironing' (like it's the 1930s) and 'do paid surveys online'. What surveys?! I've been doing YouGov surveys for FOUR YEARS and have earned £50.