Falling out over concert logistics

[RightWhereTheSpiritMeetsTheBones]

My childhood best friend moved across the world 3 years ago. Found out that there’d be a concert held where she is, and managed to snag 4 tickets for it. One for me, one for her, and another 2 for a friend and her boyfriend who wanted to get tickets too.

The vague plan was always for me to stay with my friend at her studio apartment and for the other friend and her boyfriend to get a hotel. We got tickets together but we’re not necessarily going together IYSWIM.

After seeing hotel prices though friend thinks they should stay with us!! Obviously that’s not going to happen especially since friend will not want strangers living in her apartment for a week and I’m not going to put her in the difficult position of being the ‘bad guy’.

Actually not even that chuffed to hand tickets over—they haven’t even paid—to friend and the boyfriend after how rude they’ve been about the whole thing but have accepted that I did promise them I’d get tickets for them.

AIBU to not be more accommodating to friend and boyfriend?

Hi friend no2, sorry you can't stay with me and friend No1, she doesn't have the space. Let me know if you're no longer planning to go so I can sell on the tickets. If not here are my bank details can you transfer me £X for your tickets please.

You will need to be assertive here.

You need to say to the couple that as your "other side of the world" friend only has a studio, then it is not feasible for them to stay, so they need to sort out their own accommodation.

I'd then ask if they'd prefer to pay cash for the tickets or a bank transfer to start the conversation about money.

Does your "other side of the world" friend have a couple of friends that would perhaps like to buy the tickets instead?

Good idea to set a deadline. Shall do that. Last message she said we should ALL get an apartment or share a hotel to save costs which is missing the point and not happening.

Why would you ALL get an apartment when it's not a group holiday and you are going to visit your friend?
I'd firmly point out that friend won't be able to accommodate two more guests (that she doesn't bloody know!) and that please can they forward the money by so so date or you will sell on the tickets.
Nobody has the time or energy for rude bullshit like this. They need to accept you won't be manipulated into fully funding their holiday or fuck off frankly.

Why would they think anyone would share a hotel room with a couple???
And I bet if you did rent a 2 bed apartment with them, they'd expect costs to be split by the room rather than per person so you'd be subsidise them!
I'd tell them where to go, OP. If you are feeling generous, give a deadline to pay then transfer the tickets to them and say see you there.
If they don't pay, I'm sure you will have no problem selling on the tickets given how difficult they were to get.

It’s the whole complaint that hotel prices are triple the price on the week the concert’s on and how they knew it’d be costlier than usual but not by that much, and then some sob story about how they won’t be able to afford the whole trip if they had to get their own accommodation.

Also some other jab about how ‘some people actually are struggling’ when the main point was that it’s not a group holiday and it doesn’t matter if we can or cannot pay for the extra accommodation we just don’t want to live with them!

Can't afford the trip?
Perhaps you should offer to sell their tickets on...

You just need to be really blunt.

”Since there is no room at my friend’s place should I sell on the tickets? If you haven’t sent me the ticket price by Sunday I’ll assume you can’t make it (which is totally understandable) and list them for sale. I’ll leave it with you.”

Also some other jab about how ‘some people actually are struggling’

Clearly not them if they're flying to Australia for a concert. My mind is boggled at the whole concept.

I don't understand your dilemma. These people are twats so give them a deadline to transfer you the ticket cost, wait for it to pass because no way are they going to pay, then sell them on and have a lovely trip with your real friend.

Don't you just love people who suggest ways for you to subsidise their expenses.

You need to grow a backbone here. They are under the impression that this is a group trip. Be clear that it is not. "Sorry the hotels are more than you expected. There won't be room for you at my friend's apartment though. Maybe I should sell you tickets on to someone else if it is too expensive for you to go?". Or something like that. Just do it, no angst.

AIBU to not be more accommodating to friend and boyfriend?

It's not your place to offer them accommodation that doesn't belong to you.

This is exactly what I came on to say. Stop entertaining the nonsense

But it's not up to you whether they stay with your friend. Just say, 'Unfortunately she lives in a tiny studio so there isn't room for you to stay with her too. If you're thinking that the whole trip is going to be too expensive, I understand, but please let me know as I'll need to sell the tickets on. If not, please can you send me the money for tickets and let's get together to plan some other outings while we're there.'

Accommodating wasn’t about them moving into my friends apartment—that isn’t up for debate because I won’t even mention it. Was about the other stuff like discussing if we should split an apartment or hotel or any of the other things that usually follow a group trip when my mentality going in is that they’re completely on their own and it’s not a group trip at all.

You aren’t the one that would have to accommodating.

it is another mumsnet “friendship” ie paper thin and neither seem to really like each other all that much and yet arrange holidays and events like this. Baffling

I need to know what concert this is

**when my mentality going in is that they’re completely on their own and it’s not a group trip at all.
**

bloody hell. 0 to 100 OP

You’ve got good advice here. You did a very nice thing, sorry they’re being CFs.

We haven’t arranged a trip together. I just helped them buy tickets. Accommodating doesn’t mean getting them to stay with my friend. Said in my first post that obviously isn’t even in the cards. Was about whether I should consider them at all in my trip decision.

So this friend that you just helped get tickets for but not actually close

You were going to travel half way across the world with them and go to a huge concert with them.

but…. Not really very close at all

But it’s not a group trip. If I had known there’d be all this drama I’d have just bought 2 tickets and not bothered to ask around if anyone would like me to help them buy 2 if I got ‘in’.

I’m jealous bte

its swiftey isn’t it??

I’ve been in this exact same situation (gold dust tickets, abroad travel, a not that close friend with a presale code came through) and we had an amazing time at the gig and met up a couple times for dinner. Other than that completely separate trips. The friends have either misunderstood or realise they’ve overshot financially.

You sound so angry about this Op.

good luck and enjoy the trip