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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be rude to this woman in an art gallery

391 replies

hengelian · 05/07/2023 22:22

I was in an exhibition in a large London gallery today, totally engrossed in the art works. I was staring at a painting and a woman interrupted me to ask me to take a photo of her in front of it.

I did it but I was quite off with her about it and probably a bit rude (said 'umm.. ok', took one photo and walked away, didn't ask her if it was OK etc).

I find it really rude that she interrupted me in an art gallery - to me this is like being interrupted in the middle of a movie at the cinema. I was experiencing a whole thought process which she dragged me out of so she could have a photo of a work she didn't even properly look at.

Art galleries aren't there for photos, they are there for you to look and experience.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 07/07/2023 23:44

I, too, have been guiIty of this terribIe sin against True Patrons of the Arts. I was abIe to take a once-in-a-Iifetime trip to a major city here in the USA, and visited the NationaI GaIIery of Art, which houses a painting that I have Ioved and wanted to see since chiIdhood, The Lackawanna VaIIey, by George Innes. I first saw a print of it when I was about 10 and feII utterly in Iove with it, so I had been waiting 55 years to see it in person. YES, I asked someone to take my picture in front of it. It was a Iife's dream. And they were quite gracious. UnIike some others. And I treasure that photo stiII.

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 07/07/2023 23:47

Mamanyt · 07/07/2023 23:44

I, too, have been guiIty of this terribIe sin against True Patrons of the Arts. I was abIe to take a once-in-a-Iifetime trip to a major city here in the USA, and visited the NationaI GaIIery of Art, which houses a painting that I have Ioved and wanted to see since chiIdhood, The Lackawanna VaIIey, by George Innes. I first saw a print of it when I was about 10 and feII utterly in Iove with it, so I had been waiting 55 years to see it in person. YES, I asked someone to take my picture in front of it. It was a Iife's dream. And they were quite gracious. UnIike some others. And I treasure that photo stiII.

How very dare you.

Mamanyt · 08/07/2023 00:14

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 07/07/2023 23:47

How very dare you.

Show quote history

I KNOW...I was utterIy and unashamedIy brazen! How dare I want a photo of myself and my beIoved painting! EspeciaIIy when I onIy Iive 100s of miIes away!

Catsmere · 08/07/2023 00:28

Brefugee · 07/07/2023 14:35

I'd really love to know what the painting was now.
I've seen the ML - back when queues weren't such a thing but neither were phones and selfies - it's... meh. There are far better paintings, far more interesting for sure, in the same room. But each to his own. It is iconic, seeing it in RL brought a bit of a lump to my cynical teenage throat.

The painting i love to look at most, is huge. A really big canvass. It has a small square in the middle that when you look at it the first time really looks as though there is an actual light shining through it. It is a stunningly brilliantly executed piece of a rather odd painting, but the way the artist has painted the light just stops me in my tracks every time.

It's a rather odd, big, brown/beige canvass (aside of that part and a few other small pbits). It has pictures and things. And many many people do a "meh" and walk past. Then you can see them stop in their tracks if they glance over to see who painted it. And often they come back and do a gushing "oh i so love X's work, yadda yadda" and every time i think "fuck you. He was an excellent draughstman, and this painting is not his most well known, but it is very clear who painted it if you are a big fan of his"

(yeah, it annoys me - but mostly because i think everyone should love it as much as i do)

Yes, I found the ML very uninspiring too - for me portraits' interest is in who's portrayed as much as the painter. My favourite painting is also in the Louvre, also a huge work, and I took so many photos of it (this before smartphones existed) because I knew I was unlikely ever to see it again.

momonpurpose · 08/07/2023 00:44

Mamanyt · 07/07/2023 23:44

I, too, have been guiIty of this terribIe sin against True Patrons of the Arts. I was abIe to take a once-in-a-Iifetime trip to a major city here in the USA, and visited the NationaI GaIIery of Art, which houses a painting that I have Ioved and wanted to see since chiIdhood, The Lackawanna VaIIey, by George Innes. I first saw a print of it when I was about 10 and feII utterly in Iove with it, so I had been waiting 55 years to see it in person. YES, I asked someone to take my picture in front of it. It was a Iife's dream. And they were quite gracious. UnIike some others. And I treasure that photo stiII.

My God! What if you interrupted their thought process! 😆

ShopoholicIn · 08/07/2023 01:23

BiscuitsandPuffin · 05/07/2023 22:29

Were you in the Sistine a few years back??? 🧐

😂😂😂i was waiting for this

ShopoholicIn · 08/07/2023 01:24

Duvetdweller · 05/07/2023 22:27

Were you screaming at it?

Rofl

fancydressjess · 08/07/2023 02:06

Id love to go through life's contemplative moments uninterrupted... But back in the real world I expect others to have their own agenda in public spaces.......
could have said no sorry I'm not available for that then maybe wouldn't be feeling so indignant and sounding so pompous now....

fancydressjess · 08/07/2023 02:08

Libra24 · 07/07/2023 11:07

I hate going out in public and the public are there. 🤣

Could you not have just said, no sorry not right now, I'm just here to appreciate the paintings.

Its understandable that you felt interrupted but it's not a hanging offence to speak to another person in a public place.

Art is subjective. You don't get to decide how another person enjoys it. But you can establish a boundary for yourself.
Saying no would have made you feel better than saying yes and tanting on here so maybe take that forward next time.

Ahhh, THIS 👌

SpeedReader · 08/07/2023 02:23

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/07/2023 14:31

She didn't "need" anything.

People need to get over the idea that strangers must gratify their every whim.

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What's the logical conclusion of this - people shouldn't ask strangers to take photos of them ... ever? After all, how often do you "need" a photo?

The OP had someone ask if they'd mind taking a picture. It is quite a stretch to characterise this as the requestor having an expectation that "strangers must gratify their every whim".

And I'm not sure you took in the bit of my answer where I said it would have been reasonable for the OP to say no. My objection was to say yes, but be kinda rude about it, and then complain on an online forum! Just politely decline at the time!

Mamanyt · 08/07/2023 04:56

momonpurpose · 08/07/2023 00:44

My God! What if you interrupted their thought process! 😆

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ApparentIy, if everyone wouId just shut up, we'd aII be phiIosophers!

momonpurpose · 08/07/2023 06:07

Mamanyt · 08/07/2023 04:56

ApparentIy, if everyone wouId just shut up, we'd aII be phiIosophers!

Show quote history

😆

NashvilleQueen · 08/07/2023 06:42

You were even that rude. At best passive aggressive. I would have been more impressed if you'd said fuck off.

People experience things in different ways. A photo in front of a painting is pretty much the same as people Instagraming their food in a restaurant which used to be looked down on but now happens all the time. You aren't t superior for 'having a moment' in front of a painting and you've no idea of the circumstances (from your post at least) that led to the photo. How long had you been standing there?

bladebladebla1 · 08/07/2023 07:04

HateLongCovid · 05/07/2023 22:28

You obviously looked kind and approachable. Did she get that wrong? 😆

Yes

bruffin · 08/07/2023 08:06

NashvilleQueen · 08/07/2023 06:42

You were even that rude. At best passive aggressive. I would have been more impressed if you'd said fuck off.

People experience things in different ways. A photo in front of a painting is pretty much the same as people Instagraming their food in a restaurant which used to be looked down on but now happens all the time. You aren't t superior for 'having a moment' in front of a painting and you've no idea of the circumstances (from your post at least) that led to the photo. How long had you been standing there?

Its not the same. Peope taking selfies stop others seeing the painting. Taking a picture of your food doesnt affect anyone else

People are being unnessassarily mean to OP, but selfie sticks are were often banned because people taking constant selfies are a nuisance.
I take pictures of paintings, used one as my phone wallpaper for years

Brefugee · 08/07/2023 08:59

but we are all grown ups. If people constantly taking selfies is stopping you seeing a painting a polite "can you let the rest of us see it now" would do.
Galleries are choc full of overenthusiastic "guards" who get twitchy if you get too near - ask one of them to do the dirty work for you.

As for being disturbed by people huffing at you when you read the signs, either ignore them or as them to take a step back and wait their turn?

tbh i am highly likely to ask people taking selfies, or what looks like one person from a party taking photos of the rest, if they'd like me to take a photo of all of them. I also have no worries about asking a friendly looking person to do the same for us. I probably wouldn't have approached OP though, what with the concentrated gaze and the chin stroking and all. 😜

NashvilleQueen · 08/07/2023 09:05

I think there's just an air in the OP that the woman was 'doing art wrong'.

I very much enjoy galleries but this briefest of interruptions wouldn't have bothered me.

Loveyou3000 · 08/07/2023 10:58

Imo YABU. Some people go through their lives totally alone with no one to take pictures of them, they may not speak to anyone all day other than the cashiers at their local shop. It isn't your actual responsibility to help people like that out, but it takes a few seconds of your time to do something for a stranger that makes their day a bit better, to do something nice, so on a moral, human level, maybe it's all our responsibility to make the world a bit brighter for someone else every day.

threatmatrix · 08/07/2023 13:08

Wow, just wow, are you ok?

NumberTheory · 08/07/2023 13:11

Loveyou3000 · 08/07/2023 10:58

Imo YABU. Some people go through their lives totally alone with no one to take pictures of them, they may not speak to anyone all day other than the cashiers at their local shop. It isn't your actual responsibility to help people like that out, but it takes a few seconds of your time to do something for a stranger that makes their day a bit better, to do something nice, so on a moral, human level, maybe it's all our responsibility to make the world a bit brighter for someone else every day.

Is it not also our responsibility, on a moral, human level, not to dull the world for someone in order to make our own world brighter?

Loveyou3000 · 08/07/2023 13:14

NumberTheory · 08/07/2023 13:11

Is it not also our responsibility, on a moral, human level, not to dull the world for someone in order to make our own world brighter?

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@NumberTheory I guess I don't see human connection as dulling anything for anyone else, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Ofcourseshecan · 08/07/2023 13:19

LifeAtForty · 05/07/2023 22:32

Oh I was too slow! 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

I think the real question is, does one even truly appreciate art, not if they are asking for photos, but if they are not screaming in awe?

Absolutely. I hope OP had her smelling salts handy 😂

NumberTheory · 08/07/2023 13:39

Loveyou3000 · 08/07/2023 13:14

@NumberTheory I guess I don't see human connection as dulling anything for anyone else, I'm sorry you feel that way.

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I’m sorry you’re so dismissive of other people’s experience. Being able to imagine that not everyone is just like you is a valuable skill when it comes to making human interaction.

SunscreenCentral · 08/07/2023 13:46

Not unreasonable. You went to along experience the work in the moment (which is the point of galleries) but she decided her desire to take a photo that she could have waited a few moments for was more important.

She could just have stayed at home and looked at the picture on the internet. Same experience.

Another example of entitlement.
YANBU.

Loveyou3000 · 08/07/2023 13:48

NumberTheory · 08/07/2023 13:39

I’m sorry you’re so dismissive of other people’s experience. Being able to imagine that not everyone is just like you is a valuable skill when it comes to making human interaction.

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You seem pretty dismissive of my experience, I'm aware not everyone is like me, however I would always choose to make someone else feel a bit better over a brief interaction than being rude, but that is clearly your go to, hope it made you feel better today x