Friend upset that I didn't buy her DD a card

[secular39]

Hello everyone,

I have a friend who I have known for years and our children are good friends. This particular friend always has a birthday party and I always make sure to buy her daughter a card and a birthday present. This year, the daughter is 14, didn't have a birthday party. I completely forgot it was her birthday and sent her a text wishing her a happy birthday but I didn't buy the friend a card/ birthday present.

A month later, my friend sent me a message saying that she was disappointed that I did give a daughter a card for her birthday? I really don't know what to say to that.

Apologise maybe?

Its a bit shit to not get a card, let alone a gift

I wouldn’t reply at all to be honest. Just don’t mention it, you sent a message, that was enough.

Ignore it completely
very rude and entitled behaviour

Depends op what does she do for your kids on birthdays really?

Does she remember your child's birthday regardless of parties?

Ignore it she’s being ridiculous and entitled. Her DD is a teenager not a toddler.

Its not as common to send cards these days and you sent a text so didn’t forget.

YADNBU

There's nothing you can do about it now is there? If you apologised I would say she needs to get over it. People can get so precious about cards and gift giving, her love language is obviously Gift Giving.
All you can do is say you forgot and then the ball is in her court on whether she continues the friendship or not. Seems petty (from her) in my opinion!

I would just go back and say i sent her a text wishing her happy birthday, i thought that’s what kids like nowadays

"I don't do cards/gifts unless there is a party - so many bdays and events and I struggle to keep track. Sorry for the misunderstanding"

Did your daughter buy her a card and/or present ?

We had a Birthday Book when children were younger,
still missed friends childrensbirthdays occasionally -
party invitations serve as reminders.
As your friend’s daughter didn’t have a party this year (are you sure about this?)
it’s her own fault. The reprimanding message sounds rather combative,
best ignored,
least said soonest mended

Ignore it. She needs a reality check.

Some people are so bloody needy and entitled.

Just say you sent a birthday wish - that's the same as a card.

At 14, surely your daughter is responsible for remembering her own friends's birthdays, and sending cards etc, if she wants to?

The OP is friends with the mum, I buy cards and gifts for my friends children every year. It’s pretty shit not to

I would be mortified if I forgot a child's birthday especially if I gave them a card/present every year and would of sent a text apologising and sent a bank transfer / PayPal.

If I had been on the other end, I would of quietly been annoyed and been disappointed especially if I always remembered your child's.

It's not about expecting a gift in return but if they are good friends it makes it awkward (though I can't understand why your daughter didn't remind you if they are good friends)

After a MONTH, she texts you? Bit weird, tho when I realised I'd have probably grabbed a card and popped it in the post hoping to blame its late arrival on Royal Mail!

Oh come on, of course a text isn't enough for a 14 year old!

She is being ridiculous, just ignore it and let her stew in her precious entitlement.

There comes a point when you do stop buying cards and/or presents for friend's children otherwise you are still doing it when they are married with kids of their own. I had a conversation with other mums when the kids were around this age and we all agreed to stop - there was general relief all round.

So its not unreasonable not to do this forever, but with no warning it could seem a bit off, both to the parent and also the child. Yes, you did send a text, but it isn't the same.

I would apologise and say "it was a bit hectic and without the obvious reminder of a party it slipped my mind, very sorry, completely my error. But it is something I was going to ask you about anyway, do you want to keep up the tradition of buying for each other's children or is it time to stop anyway, otherwise we will be buying for each others grandchildren too at some point ".

or words to that effect.

I might have sort of apologised in the birthday text, but is it really 'a bit shit'? Are we supposed to remember/acknowledge all our friends' kids birthdays, let alone buy them a card/present. A FB message or phone call/text is plenty.
I definitely wouldn't be apologising if bulk of the text (one month later!) was to chastise you for not bothering. I bet she said to her daughter oh I'm sure @secular39 will drop something off later. If she did, she shouldn't have done.

She's being daft, this isn't worth being disappointed about.

I give pretty differently every year for most birthday's, sometimes it's a present, sometimes it's a card, sometimes it's just a text. People have busy lives and finances vary, it's not worth getting upset about unless it's your nearest and dearest.

"Oh were you? I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. I sent a wish via you, seemed appropriate now they're getting into their teens. Hasnt time flown? Did she have a good day? "

Apologise for being mean?

Why?