Friend upset that I didn't buy her DD a card

[secular39]

Hello everyone,

I have a friend who I have known for years and our children are good friends. This particular friend always has a birthday party and I always make sure to buy her daughter a card and a birthday present. This year, the daughter is 14, didn't have a birthday party. I completely forgot it was her birthday and sent her a text wishing her a happy birthday but I didn't buy the friend a card/ birthday present.

A month later, my friend sent me a message saying that she was disappointed that I did give a daughter a card for her birthday? I really don't know what to say to that.

A lot! Probably about 30 a year for my friends children and 15 ish for DHs friends children

If you don’t remember or acknowledge your friends children’s birthdays you’re a bit shit

I think you're insane. And why are you doing this for your DH as well?

Do they reciprocate? Because if they all did, your kid would be getting 30-45 extra gifts on each birthday. I really couldn't face that - my kids have enough toys and we don't want the house full of stuff.

I'd rather be a bit shit than have to buy 15 presents on behalf of my DH for his friends' kids.

But I suspect now you are winding us up, no one would actually do that.

😂that's insane. Not a chance of that happening in our friend group.

It’s absolutely batshit crazy and to use that as a bar as to whether you’re a good friend or not is actually hilarious 😂

I have no idea when my friends offspring’s birthdays are - I barely remember my friends birthdays without FB reminding me and we don’t gift or send cards. It’s more likely to be a SM post and a WhatsApp message and a night out over the weekend .

There’s a very long list of what makes a great friend for me and remembering my DS birthday doesn’t even make the top 100

Very precious and ridiculous. She’s also put your friendship with her on the line as she’s made things awkward.
It makes me wonder if she’s irritating in other ways too.

Why would I buy gifts for DHs friends children? He manages to do that all himself (loading the dishwasher is another story)

I rather wonder you have any friends if you go around telling people they’re a ‘bit shit’.

Thankfully my friends aren’t shit.

Anyone who I feel the need to call a bit shit I wouldn’t want to be friends with - weird you think otherwise

I doubt anyone who calls people shit for not sending birthday cards is capable of having meaningful friendships. I’m guessing your friendships are shallow ones based on convenience and aesthetics.

Ha, nah but nice try.

Most are long term friendships from childhood, many are parent friends and some through joint hobbies

If you say so 🤷🏻‍♀️

With this update, she's being silly.

Tell her you've obviously got the dates muddled as you thought it was last month.

I think in this case I'd text back "I thought we weren't really doing cards anymore now the kids are older". She absolutely cannot be upset when she's done the exact same thing to you!! I agree its a non issue.

@secular39 When you’ve remembered in the past and sent a gift, have you been sent a thank you card or a thank you text?

If it’s the latter (as is common now) then surely birthday wishes via text is equally acceptable?

That's a bit of a wild assumption. I think I'm a pretty good friend and luckily friends seem to agree. In my circles being a good friend doesn't hinge on whether you buy someone's kid a birthday present or whether they buy yours one. A birthday text/call is fine (if you remember) for the majority of people. I don't even really know when my friends kids birthdays are other than a vague idea such as end of summer holidays or near Xmas. I think that's pretty normal.

My friends and I only know each others’ BDs, for the most part, because a prompt comes up on Facebook. You say “Happy birthday!” On the timeline.

Some people do organize drinks and dinners etc. with friends, but most often you just have a nice dinner or lunch with your family. If someone did expect a BD dinner they would probably organize it themselves.

Cards have gone out of fashion, except for people who live a long way away where a card has become a tangible way to keep in touch over long periods of time and space.

Gifts are something you might exchange with a couple of close friends, at most. As for buying gifts for each others’ friends, again, one or two close friends at most. For many people, nobody at all.

It is not about not caring about people, it is about sharing our love and care in other ways. We don’t necessarily want our houses full of clutter, or to make our friends feel obliged to shop for us and our kids, which gets exhausting if you are expected to do it for dozens of people.

She’s being ridiculous OP. I don’t know one teenager who cares about cards. A text was fine.

Really???

I was going to say it’s really not a big deal and she is being a twat, I can’t think of one teen who would give a shit about not getting a card. Then I see she forgets your ds’s birthday! Who does she think she is? Wow. I’d definitely point that out to her, as you say - it’s a non issue and she’s proved it.

Good grief, even my nephews and nieces are lucky to get a happy birthday text via their parents, let alone sending a card to a friends kid 😳

Bollocks to that, too many friends and top
many children!

I think 14 is a long way past the age when you buy a young person a present just because you're friends with the parents.

Has the girl ever sent a thank you message, card or letter herself, or is all the interaction through her mother? Does the girl remember OP's birthday? Again, at 14 she's more than old enough to send a card or message.

Ok troll, you sure have a lot of time in your hands don’t you?